Where do I go from here? (Depression, anxiety, stress and relationship issues)

Hello everyone.

I've been having major issues lately with my fiance. I love him, but I'm in between a rock and a hard place. It's like we fight more than anything lately. We are a young couple (He's 22, I'm 23) who have been together a year. In this year tragedy has stuck us at the worse times possible. I got pregnant, after getting pregnant I became really sick, I had a condition called HG (which is a severe form of morning sickness). He had been laid off and I was on the verge of losing my job due to being sick all the time. We decided to move out of our place a month earlier than when our lease was up and move in with family, things started to go down hill from there, we lived with his grandma, his dad and his brothers and sister (not his dad's kids). We moved to a new town where I knew nothing not anyone, I still don't really. It gets lonely and depressing at times. I packed up my life for this man.


His dad a lot of issues he was a drunk, addict and racist. I'm black so I was never comfortable around him. My fiance's brothers and sister were half black. He would constantly use to n word and their grandma is white and she would say nothing. Like I couldn't understand how you have half black grandchildren who would clearly be offended by his choice of words and she would say nothing. They would be in tears, it was disgusting. My fiance found a new job in the town we moved to with his family. We came to the conclusion that we needed a place of our own. So we started saving up and getting ready to move. My fiance wanted his father to live with us. I wasn't exactly for the idea, he had been very disrespectful to me and my fiance would never take up for me. I wasn't about to have him live in my house. So I respectfully told him it wouldn't work out. Things were awkward for a bit but we were about to have a baby and I didn't need the stress or anger I was feeling stay with me. I was already having complications with my pregnancy.
I felt bad because even though he was rude, my child wouldn't be able to meet his grandfather but as terrible as it sounds I felt a lot of relief. You can only be called out of your name so many times. I didn't want to deal with it anymore. I wouldn't wish death upon anyone. But we would've been going back in forth still today. I'm sad he's passed away, I sometimes do miss his qualities.

After we moved into our new place his friend messages us telling us he is homeless and had no place to go. I didn't want to tell another person who my fiance was close with they couldn't live with us, I still have a guilty conscience that I told him no when it came to his dad. So I agreed. When his friend and his girlfriend got here they decided to take over my house in a way. Moving things around, not cleaning after themselves, leaving dirty clothes everywhere, no asking before taking and cooking things. It was irriating. I decided to talk to my fiance about it and they came barging into our room trying to argue. It escalated into a huge fight and instead of my fiance taking up for me after they clearly disrespected me and our home. He decided his friendship was more important and decided to pack his stuff and leave with them, he eventually came back, but I was 7 months pregnant at the time and that's when I began to resent him. I realized he was never going to grow enough balls to stand up for me. He wouldn't take up for me with his dad and now he won't with his friends. They still message him and talk horribly about me. His friend even I'll mplied I wanted to sleep with him. My fiance didn't even take up for me then. It's annoying. I kind of view him as less of a man.

After all that happened we had the baby a month early. Due to stress and my depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia and high blood pressure. I couldn't continue my pregnancy and it be safe for our son. It was devastated. I cried many nights. He was on a CPAP with tubes left and right out of him. They said if I would have waited any longer to seek help I would have lost him.
Once we brought him home, he was more concerned about going out and having out with his friends. He will make an excuse to leave me at home with the baby, such as I'm pissing him off or we fight to much. Anything. I'm stuck in a house with a baby. No car, no one I know close by, no place to go. I hate him at times for it. I can't drive so everything is on his time. He doesn't do anything unless I beg him and even then half the time he won't do it. I'm tired of it. He's becoming very controlling. I don't know if I'm with him because I love him or if I'm with him because I want to keep this family together.

Oh by the way, he refuses to stand up for me, for dancing with his friends girlfriend while she was grinding on him.

Also his friends girlfriend who moved in with us tried to sleep with him multiple times. Which he didn't inform me of until after they moved out.

I honestly feel betrayed that he won't stand up for me but he will females he's not even with. When I ask him about it. He makes some excuse.

I don't trust him and I believe he's sleeping with other woman. Nothing he says or does makes sense. Why fight for your friends girlfriends but not the woman you claim you love and want to marry? It makes me sick just thinking about it.

I've been dealing with a lot from having a preemature baby, the death of my fiance's father, relationship issues, trust issues, not liking my fiance's family, etc. Sometimes I feel like just running away, I'm so desperately wanting to fix my relationship, I just don't know how, I hate it feels like the one man I truly love is growing distant. But we both are and if sucks. I want to keep my family together. We rushed into things, we haven't been together a full year and already have a baby. It's a lot to take in. Sometimes I get he needs space but our communication is being non existent. It sucks.

Hello cupcakes: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I believe your post was moved here to the relationships & communication forum from the new members introductions forum. The relationships & communication forum will be a good place for you to continue to post on this subject should you wish to do so. Another forum that may be of interest would be the women-focused support forum:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/women-focused-support/

I'm sorry you find yourself to be in this most difficult situation. Unfortunately I don't know as there is a lot I can offer with regard to it either. At some point, what all of this may come down to is simply you making a decision with regard to whether or not the relationship is worth trying to salvage. In the end, you only have control over yourself. From what you wrote, it sounds as though your fiance has some serious mental health issues. But if he does not recognize them, & won't do anything to address them, there's no way you can force him to change. One thing I would say, with regard to all of this, is I don't personally feel you should harbor any guilt with regard to what happened with your fiance's dad. From what you wrote, it sounds to me as though you made the right call.

Here are links to a selection of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of some interest:

Should I End My Relationship? Important Considerations | Healing Together for Couples

You Deplete Me: 10 Steps to End a Toxic Relationship

Are You Staying Too Long in a Relationship?

You Can Only Change Yourself

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...ant-to-change/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/can-people-really-change/

I wish you well...

Wow! You have been through a lot and with no support. Do you have family you can call upon for support? Is there a social worker/ nurse case manager in your doctor or pediatricians office? You need to try to get a support system of some kind. Do you really want to try to make a life with someone who so devalues you? That is not a good lesson for your son to learn. Is there a women's shelter where you could go to get information. Information is power. At best you have a long road ahead of you either way, but I might take the one without the man who is showing who he truly is. Please look for support. One person can make a difference.

My fiance and I have decided to go to relationship counseling to figure out why the spark in our relationship has died down. I feel it might help. Who knows? I don't want to give up on him. We have both had dark times.