Cell phones/s.o./privacy

I don't even like any random other person seeing my texts or other messages. Not that I speak of questionable things all the time or anything but my private conversations need to remain so and texts and emails once inside a phone are easily accessible. You'd be surprised at how wrong your messages can be interpreted out of context by someone randomly viewing them!

I think I've never really understood just what privacy meant for my bf. He often mentioned he wants more of it. I don't know if its my past and my baggage, but likely. I know I understand better now where he is coming from.

There really is little privacy left for anyone anymore, and I understand he and myself both have a right to keep private what we want private. He hasn't given me any real reasons to believe he is being deceitful in any way. I need to work on my habit of being nosy, hate to admit that, but I am a bit nosy. Especially when someone starts behaving very differently. Anyways, we talked and I understand, thanks for the help.

Yep. Trust your instincts.

Focus on other aspects of a relationship. Are you happy and treated well otherwise?

Not necessarily.

Case in point. I tend to lock my phone not because I have anything questionable to hide but because experience tells me that partners can be nosy and as I alluded to earlier, can take the most innocuous comments or texts out of context and turn them into a reason to distrust or question you.

Some people might note that expecting full openness with personal devices is driven by past experience in being deceived and this is true but rarely do people think about the opposite where one person in a relationship has experienced being unfairly treated with regards to having been given no privacy in the past so affects our need to be ever more vigilant going forward about our privacy.

When you're with someone for many years that is excessively jealous and has a suspiciousness streak in them you tend to be more protective of your information too.

Keep this in mind and maybe have a conversation about it to understand why he values his privacy so much. on top of my opinion being that it's like one of the last places we have left to actually keep our private information anymore.. it may be something related to that.

If you want access, you don't trust him/her. I think that if you get messages that you think your partner should consider sensitive, you should just show them yourself. If your ex messages you and you message back, you either tell them or show them, or both.

If you both agree to give each other access to the phone, you both agree that you don't trust each other. How can that work?

With my current partner? No. I just find it peculiar that he needs his phone in order to grab a forgotten cup of water downstairs. I'm not suggesting I'd look in his phone because I have no desire to. It's just the act struck a nerve from previous relationships. (Similar behavior reminds me of past relationships). So it's all me and my mistrust in general, but I don't act or accuse him of anything because he hasn't done anything wrong.

I'm trying to reverse my negative thought process is all. I notice things and it reminds me of bad memories, but that doesn't mean current SO is doing it.

That is great. It's good you can recognize that it's past issues and bad memories that are causing this. If he's done nothing wrong, there's no reason to not trust him. You said you were going to try and trust him too, which is great.

I'm going to come from a different perspective than most posters. I'm looking at this from your SO's perspective. You went into his phone and deleted a text. Yes, it was your text to him, but it's still a boundary violation IMHO. You went on HIS phone and deleted something. In his place I would be upset. I can understand that could lead to him not wanting you to access his phone. It doesn't necessarily mean he is hiding something. It could be he is protecting his privacy. Many have mentioned you trusting him, perhaps he does not feel he can trust you to stay out of his phone?

Even though I think I'm trying to better myself and admit to my mistakes, whenever I've posted in this section i end up feeling kind of attacked. I do understand what i have issues with. And anyways, it doesn't matter, this guy clearly has no vision of any commitment to me and, no, i don't feel I'm treated well, or hapoy.

You deserve better. Don’t beat yourself over how you feel. You feel unsettled because your guts tell you something. If he treats you bad, not commiting and you aren’t happy then whatever he does with his phone is non-issue, everything else is an issue though. You deserve happiness.

I leave my phone lying around the house. There is nothing on it. i get texts, calls, and I have games. I am not connected to FB on it or anything like that. Half of the time I can't even find the thing. However, a person I know from work had a cheating boyfriend. A serial cheater. And he would keep his phone hidden, as well as suddenly putting it up whenever she was would walk into the room. Yes. There was a problem. I cannot imagine having to hide my phone for no reason. My husband leaves his phone around as well. If he started acting like that, it would be pretty obvious that something was going on.

Not always.
I have been planning a thing for by fellas graduation, alot of the texts are with his mates, and if you didn't know what was going down, could look.well shifty.
He loves surprises, if he got all freaked, based solely on not being able to get in my phone, trusted his instincts and pushed for answers all he would do is ruin a great day, and also blow our relationship out of the water, cos I got no time for someone who doesn't trust me.
All for nothing.