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Anonymous44430
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#101
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How can women tell a man is interested on more than friendship? Do men on dates really go on about all the byeeches who hurt them? One lady i dated complained about people turning up for dates dirty or bringing a dirt cheap gift of cheapest sweets available. And of one man who wanted to go up to the bedroom of the hotel she was in when she stayed overnight to meet him. |
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Rose76
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#102
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A man who runs down his ex-wife or his ex-girlfriends has a "victim mentality." He believed he could have had a good life, but this no-good woman came along and ruined his life. Smart people realize that we make our own lives, and we make our own happiness or misery. A guy who claims a woman ruined his life is a baby, IMO. Feel free to disagree. I believe that, and I haven't found too many successful people who disagree with me. I'm just giving it to you straight. Many people won't be that blunt, but will quietly think it. So a woman notices when a man who has been through the pain of some failed relationships doesn't moan and whine about it. It shows he's got some emotional maturity. It shows he doesn't carry around hostility toward women (which smart women run like heck away from.) It shows he's not into "blaming." It shows he "rolls with the punches" in life. It shows he's probably not an abuser. A guy who can have a positive attitude toward a woman who dumped him is a guy who tends to have a good attitude about a lot of things. A smart woman takes that in. The same guy can have a lot of faults. But his positive attitude rules out some of the biggest faults that cause serious problems for women. Men who harbor hostility toward women tend to put it right out there. I was on a date with a guy who pulled out the stops on showing me a really good time. It was probably the best date I ever went on. He planned the whole day and spared no expense. We had drinks with dinner and then went to a bar with a dance floor and band. As the alcohol took affect, his tongue loosened up. He told me his ex-wife was beautiful, but said she was a byeech. The barmaid was really busy and didn't come over after he called her a few times to refresh our drinks. So he yelled out, "Hey Byeetch!" That killed off any interest I had in him. He noticed the change in my demeanor. I became quite cool. He took me home and didn't bother to call again. I was glad he took the hint. I have zero tolerance for men who display that kind of hostility. Some men, who are not the angry-hostile type, will do a lot of crying about how victimized they were by women they had been involved with. That's another romance-killer for me. It's just not "cool." I'm thinking: "So why were you so stupid in your choice of women?" and, "Why did it take you so long to figure out your ex-girlfriend was a user?" and, "Why did you marry this woman, if she was no good? Are you that easily fooled?" (Then you're probably too stupid for me to want to be with.) People with any sense use "a screening process," when they're evaluating another person's potential. You just don't take everything a person says at face value. You analyze it. A man will tell me all kinds of things about himself that he doesn't even realize he's saying. (So will a woman.) You have to read between the lines. Most people do exactly that. To avoid giving a bad impression, you have to cultivate a good attitude. |
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Rose76
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#103
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A guy who looks for opportunities to be around a woman is sexually attracted to her. If a guy is willing to set aside time to be in a woman's company, he is attracted to her. "But couldn't he just be looking for friendship?" Not unless he's getting his need for intimacy met somewhere else. And, if he does have a woman who meets that need, then you got to wonder: why is he spending time with his female-friend that he could be spending with his female-partner? Suppose my guy says to me: "Honey, I'll be a bit late getting home tonight because I'm stopping at the diner for coffee with my friend, Mary." My response will be: "Don't bother coming home at all." Here's another scenario: My guy says this - "Honey, would you mind if I invite Mary to have dinner with us tomorrow night? She's an old friend and her house just burned down." My response will be: "Sure. Does she have a place to sleep?" Couples socialize "as couples." Naturally, men who work with me, or attend class with me, are also going to talk to me. They may sit with me in the cafeteria, at work or at school. But, if one of them asks me, "So what do you do with your weekends?," I'm not going to figure that the guy is just taking a survey. Another clue is the desire to be helpful. If a guy says he could loan me a tool for a project I'm working on, that's being friendly. If the guy says he'ld be glad to come over on his day off and do some repair work on my car or on my home, then that guy finds me attractive . . . or . . . he needs to get a life. |
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#104
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Human3284
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#105
So it's over, I called her up and ended the friendship and blocked her but it was a short calm civil phone call and I told her I will let her go, she did not tell me she had to go but we talked about our day before this took place and she told me updates on what's happening in her life. Apparently this whole time I had way different expectations then she did, she does not wanna hang out with friends often and still wants to pay me back and got annoyed when I told her I am just letting it go (the money, she asked me what's going to happen about the payments). I told her I needed a break (but I ain't coming back). Told me she hopes it's not a long break and she will respect my decision and still wants to hang out and enjoy eachothers company, text, talk on the phone when I decide to come back and wishes she could pay me outright. Told her how I wanted to hang out more and she told me she wanted to hang out more, she thought we were with every 2 months? she's not into once a month or a few times a month, she is busy with things (but family and boyfriend take up her time, so lies there).
Told her how it feels so 1 sided because everything is relied on only me, we only communicate if I text her, only hangout if I ask to hang out, only talk on the phone if I wanna talk on the phone and said it should not be 50-50 obviously but maybe 70-30? and she said she understands how it feels and knows it feels like the other person doesn't care but doesn't mean to offend me. Well guess what? it's bloody offending (never said that). She also said when we resume being friends she hopes I will be ok with only hanging out every couple months like everyone else she is friends is.. If friendship means **** to you and you're not a priority, I rather just find people that do value that stuff then waste my time then being a joke to someone I truely cared about. I guess I really am the joke, huh? Yes I am very bitter and told her it's better we take a break. She was not sad or angry, was very neutral about all of this. As for the person asking how I knew about her troubles...I text her and she told me it was her turn in the hospital. Then I am like "OMG are you alright" or along those lines (it's on my old phone I don't use). I asked if I can visit her, she said no there is too much going on and is good with only her family seeing her. I stayed texting her every couple days for a month and a half asking about her and she was still in hospital, asked again if I can see her, it is no trouble to me and it would be great seeing that she was ok, refused me AGAIN! but telling me I am the best and the only person that asked her to come see her make sure she was ok. When people question friendships because the friends did not see them I laugh and think to myself "try having a friend refuse you to see them in the hospital". I guess now I am done here, I ended the friendship so nothing left to talk about. |
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#106
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Unfortunately, things can happen to us in our childhoods that present us with some kind of problem we may feel compelled to solve that can bother us for the rest of our lives even. My father's mother just up and left one day, she never let him know where she was either. His way of fixing that challenge was to marry a woman he knew loved him more than he loved her. He constantly put my mother down, was very controlling over her, did not want her to experience healthy self esteem either. My witnessing this as a child COMPLETELY confused me as I could not understand why my father was often mean to my mother. Basically what I was witnessing is how my father punished my mother for something HIS mother did that he never wanted to experience again including how that made him feel. He himself was not fully aware of that yet my older brother did hear him say, "Marry a woman that loves you more than you love her, that way she will never leave and you will have more control over her". You are trying to fix how you felt in your past and because this woman remains elusive even though you keep trying to get her to "care" about you. This is your effort to finally FIX whatever you experienced in your past with your mother. And when others tell you she isn't interested etc., you don't want to hear that, it may even trigger you because what you really want is to find a way to FIX that old wound you have in you from your mother abandoning you. |
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#107
I want to add that when I was hospitalized I did not want visitors, I was too sick to see anyone and needed to be able to doze off when I needed to. When someone is in the hospital, they have people coming and going to take blood and administer medications and it's actually not very restful when in a hospital due to some major illness. The last thing I needed to think about is looking presentable to visitors, I needed to rest and heal, NOT worry about looking presentable or being strong enough to have people visiting me.
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