Can Men and Women Just Be Friends?

I'd feel betrayed if a female friend of mine had these thoughts about me and went online to post about it, but would not talk to me about this. I would be absolutely gutted and humiliated if I found out.

Of course they can be just friends. By this logic, gay/lesbian people would have no friends of the same gender and bisexuals would have no friends AT ALL. I'm bisexual and I have friends and acquaintances of both genders, some of whom I even think are technically good looking and attractive but I am not attracted to them. No one is going to be attracted to every single member of the gender they're into, not even to every such person that happens to technically be their type.


I think the problem is that, depending on how conservative/sexist local culture is, too many people are conditioned into not viewing members of the opposite gender as potential platonic friends and as, primarily, other human beings just like them. Men and women aren't all that different, it's society that grooms them differently and that is easy to observe if you look at the differences between how men and women are around the world based on the culture they've been brought up in.


What happens is that we still overly sexualise women to the point where, even if subtly, we perceive women primarily through that lense, with this emphasis on looks and how satisfying they are for straight men to look at or have sex with. We still condition children into liking things and behaving a certain way depending on gender and that creates the divide, not anything else.

Men and women can be friends just as any two humans can be friends, as long as they have similar enough views of the world, shared interests, personalities that fit and complement each other.


Of course it happens that friendship can turn into more if both are attracted to the opposite sex, but that's not because straight/bi men and women can't be platonic friends, it's just that it's always a possibility simply because both have the capacity to feel that towards someone of the opposite gender. Oh and I don't know how others here see it but for me friendship is an essential component of romantic love, I could never fall in love with someone who I don't also want as my friend. Just because there's more to it, it doesn't mean it doesn't also contain friendship.

In terms of your guy friend who seems to want more, It sounds like you need to be less subtle and more direct with him.

To answer your question, sure, they CAN be just friends if there is no attraction and romantic feelings harbored towards each other. In my experience, when I've been just friends with a straight guy, he usually has feelings for me. Even in high school, a couple of my close male friends came out to me about their romantic feelings towards me. It happened again recently with a friend of mine. I had to be very direct with him about my own feelings (that I didn't feel that way towards him). I have had the opposite happen too, where I've had feelings for a man who "just wanted to be friends" (or what I like to call, "just wanted his ego stroked"). I end those friendships very quickly now, and they really do not happen often anyways. I personally do MUCH better being friends with gay men.

I don't think there is one universal answer here. I'm sure you will find single men and women who are straight and just good friends. But that hasn't been my experience. Someone else here said that if they're married or in a relationship, it's easier to be just friends and I agree.

I admit I am bothered by this and just yesterday such an incident really bothered and shook me. My relationship is pretty solid but I admit I have problems with all the female friends my boyfriend has. Yesterday he ditched lunch at home with me for one with a former co-worker - a woman and I admit that threw me into some depression. I felt really cruddy. Granted she needed some emotional support but to me that made it all the worse that he would be so close to another woman. I have male acquaintances too but never in a million years would I go alone to a lunch or dinner with a man. It just doesn't seem right to me.

My beautiful lovely friend( let's call him Travis) is one of my bf. I met him online last year, we are v close and love one another to the moon and back, as besties. We communicate a few times a week mostly by phone , I love him dearly yet there is nothing romantic going on. I give him advice on things happening in life, he does the same
We share pics of our lives, share stories laugh A lot and keep each other company when feeling down. He is married, no looking for a sex partner or to change his current situation, just needs a good listener and non judgmental friend. I seek the same and respect him so much. It works out perfect for us. So yes ag, men and women can be friends . Not just friends, special friends and confidants 😍😍😍😘😘😘😘

Do you guys meet up in person regularly?
I'm just curious because...

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This makes perfect sense.
I wonder if this is why it's easier to find and maintain opposite-sex friendships online?

I'm the opposite - I have a lot of male friends that I didn't mind hanging out alone and my boyfriend didn't like that. He explained to me that he would not just go and hang out with another girl alone, that no matter how much I would deny it I wouldn't like it if he actually did that to me. He also said that if he does need to go see them, we can go together and if they don't like that then he shouldn't go either because that's not a true friend.

I have been using this guideline ever since and if I want to go hang out with a guy friend I always bring him with me. & We never fought again over this issue.

I'm not a presumptuous bi*ch... I don't just assume people are into me just because they are nice to me. But when they do make certain comments, I try to curve them. It's usually subtle, but they aren't dumb; they usually know exactly where they stand.

But don't worry - we have had this talk before years ago. I told him I didn't see him as anything more than a friend, that he was like my brother to me. He didn't speak to me for a few months then came back apologizing for his actions. My dilemma here is that he is a good friend of mine and that it's not someone I just met that I can cut off without thinking twice about it.

We had another conversation after I posted this. He said he understands but has not spoken to me since. And I think I'll be very skeptical next time he reaches out to me. It sucks... but it is what it is.

Why should he be your friend if he does not want to. Lots of women want "friends" to tell their problems to but the guys are not good enough to date.

I asked someone out and she said she did not have those [romantic] feelings for me but she wanted to be my friend very much as she enjoyed listening to my interests in several things and talking about them I told her I did not have those [friendship] feelings for her and did not see her in that way. So why should I be her friend? her cry on my shoulder her free therapist? In other words be used. she had no answer to that

And the guy is not obligated to be friends with anyone either and has every right to deal with it as he sees fit including stopping communicating.

Why anyone would want to be friends with someone he finds attractive is a puzzle to me as is why anyone would want to be friends with someone else's girlfriend or wife. If they want friends they should join the girl guides

Little-known fact: It's the guys who listen to women's problems who end up thick in the warm.

Google it.

wouldn't believe that unless it is when she has no one else left. i certainly wouldn't waste my time on friendship and hope of being the last in line of an increasingly easy woman, although my ex told me she gets people to cut her garden by smiling at them

I forgot to say guys should not be classed as immature if they do not want to be friends unless girls are classed as immature if they do not want to date

There have been men that I wanted to be only friends with but they always ended up wanting more...you know what I mean.

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If either one or both finds the other attractive and interesting, they can be ‘just friends’ meaning it doesn’t develop into anything, but there are thoughts happening and it could develop into more.

I've had friends in the past and they were great, none of them wanted anything more. If they did, I would often tell them that I only saw them as a friend and nothing more than that. For awhile they took it to heart, but eventually they came back and we went back to socializing. If you don't feel chemistry with someone, it's always best to be honest.

I think they can, but my H doesn't, He thinks men are only after one thing,

and he is a man so...

I forgot to say when she said we could still be friends and she wanted that i told her not interested but we could still be lovers.

I cannot find it vnow there was a thread about people wanting to have dibnner with someone elses partner or some married man or woman wanting to have dinner with a co worker and if one would object. I cannot understand why one would want to do that.

I went to a training course and some woman who was soon to be wed complained me because i would not speak to her. She first said it to me when i avoided her at break. i said i was not interested in her and had only gone there to study [it means more money]and that i do not ever involve myself with other people's partners. She thought she had some right to speak to me about her problems lol

Kudos to you for being honest to yourself and to women. You don’t want to be friend zoned by a woman you are attracted to. You want a romantic relationship. Just keep trying until a woman feels mutually toward you. I know rejection hurts and I detect some hostility from you aimed towards these women who reject and then offer you a friend zone. It’s healthiest for you to just smile and not call them anymore while you keep on looking for love.

I don't call them and dont talk to any neighbour who would offer me friendship. There are a couple who seem to want people to talk to when bored during the day. I won't be that person. I would tell anyone from day one if i am attracted i won't be friend zoned. I have a righ to ask them out. They have a right to refuse but do not have a right to demand friendship.

The person who complained me was laughed at. My scores showed my interest and she was told no one could tell me what to do at break time.

Thanks for your reply

usually only on one side though, that is the problem