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TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
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#41
With patience and some introspection into the impression you are making, you’ll find her. There are possibly many women today who automatically say ‘friends first’. But when they say ‘I don’t reciprocate those feelings’, I agree there’s nothing other than friendship there.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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#42
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Can you only edit here for a short time? |
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xiximmxi
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#43
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But I agree with Lefty Seven - I think most men who have happy gf/wives are good listeners. Belittling the "problems," thinking 'oh there she goes again, I'm gonna tune out' is gross and unattractive; who would want to be friends or be in a relationship with someone with that kind of mentality? Then we all have to remember that we are made of energy and our negativity can be contagious. Nobody wants to be around someone that whines and complains (especially about their significant other) all the time. __________________ |
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#44
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xiximmxi
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#45
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Why would anyone want to narrow their door of opportunities like that? Why would anyone reject love like that just because it's purely platonic? You can find someone attractive without being attracted to them. What disturbs me is the thought of a man not wanting to have any women around that they can't possibly f ck. The fact that someone doesn't crave a deeper connection than just the physical level. We are human, before we are women and men. Men, women, whatever the hell you are, we should be able to see someone beyond our mere body parts. I'm hurt because someone I thought was my friend for a long time, turns out he wasn't - he was faking his kindness and support hoping he can get in my pants that way - when I was sincerely sharing my feelings and thoughts and experiences with another human being, thinking he was on the same page. I get it, nobody owes anybody anything. People come, people go, I guess that's the way it is. It depresses the crap out of me though. How everyone talks about how lonely they are. How they'd want somebody to hold at night but in the morning they all pretend they're fine as if they like being alone. Like they have something important to do. Like they'd rather have someone to have drunk sex with and fall asleep instead of staying up to talk about their insecurities and aspirations and childhood memories. Like we aren't all sad and afraid. I'm sick of having shallow relationships with shallow people. __________________ Last edited by xiximmxi; Nov 14, 2018 at 03:25 PM.. |
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#46
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TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
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#47
The truth really lies somewhere in the middle. The guy who was your friend hanging in with hopes you’d grow to want him did honestly like you for who you are. The people who aren’t sure, don’t feel attracted, are just users, sometimes they are sincere good people and they do have a change of heart and sometimes they don’t.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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xiximmxi
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#48
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Because I like them as a human being. (surprise!) I just like talking, listening to music. Drinking a few shots, smoking a blunt, playing games. I purely enjoy their energy, ideas and company. I like having that connection. I like being myself and feeling free with other people. It has nothing to do with gender, or whether I can have sex with them or not, or whether I will get something in return. __________________ |
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s4ndm4n2006
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#49
The only time it would matter to me if a woman and potential friend is married is if I were looking specifically for a date and romantic relationship. One can be a friend with the opposite sex without being a "user" and I can't even state how far out in left field that statement even is. Using for what? Companionship and camaraderie that comes with friendship? Because the male or female isn't after the other one romantically the only other option is to use them somehow? That's a rather simplistic and very cynical point of view.
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#50
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someone to go out for cofee with when bore and who they want is not around to do odd jobs as my ex said smile and the grass is cut |
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#51
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I'm sorry for the women you've experienced in your life then. I've had plenty of good solid friendships with women over the years even lacking anything to do with romance or sex. and no one was "used". |
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#52
thats your choice. you do as you want i will do as i want and one thing i do not want is someone's girlfriend as a 'friend' when it suits them
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xiximmxi
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#53
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Mentioned behaviors are just as bad if a man were to do that to a woman. In a true friendship, you are supposed to love and respect that person whether he/she is single or in a relationship with someone. Why does that even matter unless your sole goal is to have sex? Frankly I do not want to be friends with a guy who is only friends with me because I'm single. I don't want to be "friends" with someone who is just trying to sleep with me. How do you even call that a friend, that's just creepy. __________________ |
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#54
I had a similar situation, only I was the girl in the situation (even tho I am a guy).
The problem started when we had sex. It just happened, and it wasn't worth it. But she "caught feelings", and I had to separate it. |
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TishaBuv
It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
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#55
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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#56
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#57
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That also disturbs me. I cannot imagine how you can find someone actually arousing and stimulating if you do not also feel the attraction of their personality. To me, personalities are often repulsive as well. And a lack of personality is also something that would block my sexual urges. And I mean that both in the sense of a person with little personality as well as a lack of a personality or emotional connection in a sexual fantasy or sexual relationship. Quote:
Yes, I can see that when trying a relationship you discover new aspects of the other that show you are incompatible as life partners, but not as friends. Still, I find it interesting how some people who are single and crave a relationship describe that they have an opposite gender friend who they find attractive both physically and mentally, but who they would just immediately brush off as 'not relationship material'. Why? I have a female friend. I think that on the surface, we are quite compatible. I confided a great deal of emotional things to her. If I were her, I would find some insecurity in the fact that I have not seemed to have considered her relationship material. In fact, I have considered it and I don't feel I find her attractive enough. So she would be right in making that judgment. And I myself feel guilty for not acknowledging her femininity. If you have an opposite gender very close friend who acts frigid around you, how would that not make you feel insecure? If even your best opposite gender friend doesn't find you attractive, who would? So considering that, why wouldn't very close opposite gender friends go for a relationship? So one always wants a relationship and the other doesn't? Or do both need to find the other unattractive (usually physically)? Or both need to be in a relationship where both agree their actual partner is a superior match? But if so, why share very deep personal feelings with that opposite sex friend and not with your actual partner? Of course, you can share it with both. But the point remains. If you have a emotionally more deep relationship with an opposite gender friend than with your actual partner, I can see how that would be problematic. I mean, you can be 'friends' and you can be 'friends'. Much easier to be opposite gender friends with someone with whom you share hobbies or interests or do activities, discuss friends or work or general things in life. That as opposed to a friend with whom you discuss your deepest feelings. I think both sides that make a strong case are wrong. Yes, opposite gender friends can be friends. But it is not obvious that they can. Consider a relationship between a homosexual male and homosexual female. They are neither each others competitors or each other' 'prey'. Surely, here it is easy to see how they can have a fully committed relationship without any sexual tension or sexual insecurities. Surely, it is clear that this is different from heterosexual opposite gender relationships. |
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#58
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#59
Why are you resurrecting a thread that's been dead for the better half of a year to demand evidence from a member who hasn't been online in half a year? Did you ever get your friend to take the Dark Triad test?
To answer the thread title: Yes, of course. Last edited by Anonymous43089; Aug 13, 2019 at 04:21 PM.. |
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#60
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__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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