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Old 12-02-2018, 05:02 PM   #21
downandlonely
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Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

I had issues with friends who were always using me to vent when they had issues, but were not willing to help me when I had problems. In my senior year in college, I was one of the few people with a car, and others used to make me drive them places. I was hard for me to say no, so I would do it.

Most recently, I had a "friend" who got me to feel sorry for her because she was blind, mentally ill, and homeless. I went out of my way for her, spending over $1000 on food and lodging for her and driving her wherever she wanted to go (no questions asked, no matter what time of day). The city we live in is huge, so this would take hours of time, and sometimes I didn't get home until late.

When I tried to start enforcing some boundaries, she got mad and sent me a text calling me the C word. I realized then that she is homeless because she treats here family (and anyone else who tries to help her) badly, so no one can stand to live with her. I blocked her number and cut her out of my life. It feels much better to not have to deal with people who are using me.
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Old 12-04-2018, 12:35 AM   #22
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Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by unfoldingxwings View Post
Yeah. I also saw someone's post on Facebook tonight about not settling for friendships that aren't healthy, reciprocated or satisfying. Why settle for not that good when better people can enter your life? I removed them all from FB and blocked the numbers I had on my phone, because I'm not about drama.

I think....if you are feeling so ignored by your friends that you are depressed and they make you feel like you don't matter...then you need to change who your friends are.

But I'm also not good at making friends.....so.....I literally have the least amount of friends on FB than anyone else I know. I only have 28. Most of them don't even talk to me/interact with me. I struggle with making friends because I'm not good at opening up. I've been emotionally wounded a lot. In the past it was hard to have and maintain friendships because of my mental illness. I'm in remission now, but I can't seem to form healthy friendships either. It's always the same users and abusers. Where's all the good, healthy people in the world?
That is great advice!
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Old 12-04-2018, 12:36 AM   #23
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Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
If you donít enjoy their company, if they cause you to feel bad often, if you canít trust them at all...

Iíve continued some friendships way too long until I learned what is toxic. Once I enforced boundaries and refused disrespect these relationships ended.
That is really great advice
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Old 12-04-2018, 12:36 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by ennie View Post
Yes, it's ok to end one-sided friendships where people are just taking advantage of your generosity. You are not there to baby-sit.

Maybe you can hang out with graduate students or go to meetups group where people your age are around.
That is great advice!
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Old 12-04-2018, 05:17 AM   #25
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Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

I'm sorry you're struggling, unfoldingxwings Always ask if your friends are treating you the same way you're treating them. If you're generous and kind to them, are they the same with you? If the answer is no, I think you already know what to do... I'm sorry for everyone who is struggling with this.
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Old 12-11-2018, 09:49 AM   #26
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Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

I admit it that I'm not good at dealing with loneliness for long periods of time either. But I will not hang onto "dead weight" as they say just to not be alone. That can do more harm to you. I'm not saying someone's friends should be your punching bag and just to complain all the time, but if they tell me what's their issues and I listen to them, then I just expect that in return.



I had a former friend say they got tired of hearing me complain, but I never once complained about her complaining about stuff, so I ended it and I'm better off. She must not have liked it that I spoke up to her, too bad I say!
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Old 12-11-2018, 10:11 AM   #27
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Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

most of my friendships (or the ones that don't end because of MI) end because the person can't accept that I don't like what they like.
from big things like religion, to small things like I don't like their Favourite artist or movie

sometimes it's just a personality clash too
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Old 12-11-2018, 10:13 AM   #28
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ah, because they've borrowed something of mine and broken it

that too

and most of the time I'm very unforgiving, so usually when I say it's ended, it's ended
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Old 12-12-2018, 10:39 AM   #29
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Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

Believe me, the ex friend that I'm referring to in my last posts had alot of drama in her family and I never once complained about it until the very end when I had enough of it and had to finally speak up to her about what was bothering me.

She said this to me "Things are not going to change, maybe its better to move on". She did say once she would be willing to talk, yeah and that never happened. Oh well.
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