When Do You End A Friendship? - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-15-2018, 08:31 PM #1
unfoldingxwings's Avatar
unfoldingxwings unfoldingxwings is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 23
unfoldingxwings unfoldingxwings is offline
Junior Member
unfoldingxwings's Avatar
unfoldingxwings RDJ liked my Instagram post. OMG!!! He's one of my heroes.
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 23

4 hugs
given
Default When Do You End A Friendship?

In college I was taken in by a group of people. Being 32 and everyone else being under 25 had its complications, especially with maturity. I went out of my way for these kids. One time during one of my sicknesses, a friend sent me a text asking me to come over. I thought it was something to do with her dad again. Although I was supposed to stay in bed to recover, I decided to go over and find out what was going on and listen. She proceeded to tell me she wanted to take on the dark entity in one of the residence halls and if I wanted to go with her. Even though she knew I had health problems.

There is a general belief on campus that this building is haunted. We did an EVP session there before and I got a really amazing recording. However, she thought the dark entity was going to hurt people and wanted to prevent this from happening. I just sat there inwardly groaning because 1. I was sick and 2. We were doing this...again. She dragged me through similar drama for a month.

All those friends are extremely self absorbed. Maybe it's their age. I was there for them, all of them, at one point or several times. But one day mentioned in the group chat I wasn't okay and no one cared or commented. I really could have benefited from some emotional support that day. I've given them things, bought them things, provided emotional support. Going out of my way and risking my health. But when I needed them emotionally no one was around or interested. I've been back from college since Saturday and only one of them bothered to check on me when I withdrew. Or noticed I wasn't really okay.

Is it time for me to remove these people from my life? It's not that I hate them, but I feel like a lot of my time was used and wasted.

Last edited by unfoldingxwings; 11-15-2018 at 08:32 PM. Reason: Wording correction
unfoldingxwings is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 11-15-2018, 09:27 PM #2
anon19529
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
anon19529
Guest
anon19529 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

When you feel people never make time for you. Nobody is that busy that they can't pick up the phone or something.


When it feels like a toxic relationship/s. You just know, especially when it's always one-sided, you're always doing the calling/planning.


Just my 2 cents since I had to end some friendships in the past. I have no regrets over it.




  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-15-2018, 09:40 PM #3
unfoldingxwings's Avatar
unfoldingxwings unfoldingxwings is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 23
unfoldingxwings unfoldingxwings is offline
Junior Member
unfoldingxwings's Avatar
unfoldingxwings RDJ liked my Instagram post. OMG!!! He's one of my heroes.
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 23

4 hugs
given
Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deborah35 View Post
When you feel people never make time for you. Nobody is that busy that they can't pick up the phone or something.


When it feels like a toxic relationship/s. You just know, especially when it's always one-sided, you're always doing the calling/planning.


Just my 2 cents since I had to end some friendships in the past. I have no regrets over it.




Yeah. I also saw someone's post on Facebook tonight about not settling for friendships that aren't healthy, reciprocated or satisfying. Why settle for not that good when better people can enter your life? I removed them all from FB and blocked the numbers I had on my phone, because I'm not about drama.

I think....if you are feeling so ignored by your friends that you are depressed and they make you feel like you don't matter...then you need to change who your friends are.

But I'm also not good at making friends.....so.....I literally have the least amount of friends on FB than anyone else I know. I only have 28. Most of them don't even talk to me/interact with me. I struggle with making friends because I'm not good at opening up. I've been emotionally wounded a lot. In the past it was hard to have and maintain friendships because of my mental illness. I'm in remission now, but I can't seem to form healthy friendships either. It's always the same users and abusers. Where's all the good, healthy people in the world?
unfoldingxwings is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-16-2018, 12:15 AM #4
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 792
ennie ennie is offline
Grand Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 792 (SuperPoster!)

1,649 hugs
given
Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

Yes, it's ok to end one-sided friendships where people are just taking advantage of your generosity. You are not there to baby-sit.

Maybe you can hang out with graduate students or go to meetups group where people your age are around.
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-16-2018, 01:07 AM #5
unfoldingxwings's Avatar
unfoldingxwings unfoldingxwings is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 23
unfoldingxwings unfoldingxwings is offline
Junior Member
unfoldingxwings's Avatar
unfoldingxwings RDJ liked my Instagram post. OMG!!! He's one of my heroes.
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 23

4 hugs
given
Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
Yes, it's ok to end one-sided friendships where people are just taking advantage of your generosity. You are not there to baby-sit.

Maybe you can hang out with graduate students or go to meetups group where people your age are around.
I had to withdraw from school due to medical and financial problems, so I'm not even there any more. I found out about the non-traditional student lounge very late in the semester, too late for me to benefit from it. But I did decide to cut ties with them, because yeah....I don't need that stuff in my life. I want genuine friends I can relate to and who are more mature than that.
unfoldingxwings is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-16-2018, 01:36 AM #6
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 Rose76 is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 9,566
Rose76 Rose76 is offline
Wise Elder
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 pondering what to do next.
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 9,566 (SuperPoster!)

8 yr Member
4,042 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

I think you have to look at it case by case. Consider these persons individually. I don't think you have to go making a big announcement. Just stop going out if your way. Don't keep giving to people who mainly just take. Those aren't real friends.
Rose76 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-16-2018, 10:26 AM #7
anon19529
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
anon19529
Guest
anon19529 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

I had one friend where when we did finally get together, she was constantly on her phone, not "present" while she was out with me. She knew it annoyed me and yet didn't try to do anything about it. I just finally said that I couldn't deal with that type of person and said we just had two different lifestyles and it's not going to work on my end. I don't feel bad, sometimes it's what you have to do, stand up to people.



I don't think it's asking too much for your friends to be "present" while you're out with them. If she was really a true friend, she would've compromised. I put up with it time and time again so I tried, but after awhile, no more.




  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-16-2018, 03:43 PM #8
unfoldingxwings's Avatar
unfoldingxwings unfoldingxwings is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 23
unfoldingxwings unfoldingxwings is offline
Junior Member
unfoldingxwings's Avatar
unfoldingxwings RDJ liked my Instagram post. OMG!!! He's one of my heroes.
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 23

4 hugs
given
Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deborah35 View Post
I had one friend where when we did finally get together, she was constantly on her phone, not "present" while she was out with me. She knew it annoyed me and yet didn't try to do anything about it. I just finally said that I couldn't deal with that type of person and said we just had two different lifestyles and it's not going to work on my end. I don't feel bad, sometimes it's what you have to do, stand up to people.



I don't think it's asking too much for your friends to be "present" while you're out with them. If she was really a true friend, she would've compromised. I put up with it time and time again so I tried, but after awhile, no more.




It's important to recognize and accept when your friends aren't compatible. Definitely believe it's okay and permissible to let people like this go. Why would you spend time with someone if you were just going to ignore them? It...doesn't make sense. But hey! You got out of it. Now you know this isn't the type of friend you want.
unfoldingxwings is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-16-2018, 09:05 PM #9
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 Rose76 is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 9,566
Rose76 Rose76 is offline
Wise Elder
Rose76's Avatar
Rose76 pondering what to do next.
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 9,566 (SuperPoster!)

8 yr Member
4,042 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

About 10 years ago, I had a number of acquaintances who seemed to be mainly draining me. I was picking up the phone when they needed to vent. They were self-absorbed. I must have been providing some validation that they were looking for. But I noticed that I felt used. So I started reducing the time I would allot them. They all have slipped away.

I can't say I miss them. I don't. They were emotionally leeching off me. (Most of them were older than me, so I don't think it was a maturity issue.) I didn't break these friendshbhip in any overt way. I just became less available. I will never go back to how I used to be.
Rose76 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-17-2018, 11:33 AM #10
LonelyMan LonelyMan is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Jul 2015
Location: europe
Posts: 100
LonelyMan LonelyMan is offline
Member
LonelyMan has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2015
Location: europe
Posts: 100

3 yr Member
1 hugs
given
Default Re: When Do You End A Friendship?

I had that with someone always coming to vent get free work done. i was sick and needed something and she did not want to know. I dropped her made no explanation. People like that are freeloaders and users. You are better off without them
__________________
unhelpful or judgemental comments ignored
LonelyMan is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:41 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.