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Default Nov 29, 2018 at 02:46 PM
  #61
This is ridiculous. I pay for my food. I take him to work because of his mistake that could have caused an accident, I need to leave. My cat is here, some belongings, and I have enough gas in the car. The weather will turn bad today.... I'm a stupid woman.
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Default Nov 29, 2018 at 05:34 PM
  #62
If he can afford to smoke 6 joints a day and get drunk, he can afford to take Uber to
Work and he manage his life just fine. Sure no relationship is perfect but come on now. It’s not even a proper relationship. Take care of yourself please
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Default Nov 29, 2018 at 07:06 PM
  #63
((((2daffodils)))) what just happened? Are you safe? I know you're out of money, but are you safe? Is your cat at your place or at his? How long has your furbaby been with you?
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Default Nov 29, 2018 at 07:46 PM
  #64
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Originally Posted by 2daffodils View Post
Yes I'm familiar with the cycle of abuse. I can't seem to get myself out of it. I'm financially strapped because of my wallet being gone. It wasn't returned to anywhere. I strongly feel something strange happened in his apartment. I can tell certain people really don't like him and he's had parcels stolen from outside his apartment. He's involved with drug dealers. I noticed one at his work, when I picked him up one night. I pay attention to things that's how i know, the licence plate. He openly gets his cannibas at work and no one cares.

He's telling me I'm bossy for asking him what bossy means to him. I don't know how to leave him. I'm out of $ for this month.
If you cannot manage at the time and out of money, take yourself to a shelter. If you have place to stay but no money go to a shelter or soup kitchen to eat. Do not drive him around to waste gas. I am not surprised people don’t like him, he is not a nice person. Also if he buys drugs he needs ton of money. Drug addicted often end up stealing. So no surprise there.

Also as nasty as he is, if he only wants to see you one night a week, it’s counterproductive to stay in his house more than that. If one night a week isn’t enough for you, you should look for a man who wants commitment.

staying in this guy’s house more than he wants you to only causes more fights. You can’t force commitment.

If you want to keep dating this guy, stay in your own house. Let him come to you and take you out or go do things or visits with you in your house or area. Don’t go see him. Don’t drive to see him and dint drive him around. Stop pursuing him.

If he refuses to come see you in your house and/or take you on dates, then you have your answer: he just isn’t that interested. That would be the sign to move on. Men don’t stop at anything when they really want a woman to be in their life. He makes zero effort. It’s your answer
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Default Nov 29, 2018 at 07:56 PM
  #65
I am safe. Thank you for the messages. I will update again soon, and thanks for the concern shown here.
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Default Dec 01, 2018 at 12:17 AM
  #66
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Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
If you cannot manage at the time and out of money, take yourself to a shelter. If you have place to stay but no money go to a shelter or soup kitchen to eat. Do not drive him around to waste gas. I am not surprised people don’t like him, he is not a nice person. Also if he buys drugs he needs ton of money. Drug addicted often end up stealing. So no surprise there.

Also as nasty as he is, if he only wants to see you one night a week, it’s counterproductive to stay in his house more than that. If one night a week isn’t enough for you, you should look for a man who wants commitment.

staying in this guy’s house more than he wants you to only causes more fights. You can’t force commitment.

If you want to keep dating this guy, stay in your own house. Let him come to you and take you out or go do things or visits with you in your house or area. Don’t go see him. Don’t drive to see him and dint drive him around. Stop pursuing him.

If he refuses to come see you in your house and/or take you on dates, then you have your answer: he just isn’t that interested. That would be the sign to move on. Men don’t stop at anything when they really want a woman to be in their life. He makes zero effort. It’s your answer
Thanks, this sums it up. But its clear I'm moving on. It's just so very hard for me. I got so attached. I felt that the crumbs were better than nothing. I'll be ok. Just have to be more determined that I can manage my life, without him, because with him I've not become any better. I'm more confused and I'll hopefully manage my life without him. We have both agreed it's over. I am going to have a very hard time. We enjoyed a lot of things, but this behaviour from him was manipulative. I am safe. I will grieve. No one will understand what i'm grieving about, but to me, being with him was better than alone. He won't come around to see me, I doubt it. And if I let him, I'm not determined to do what is best for me. Wish me the best to be strong and stay out of his life. Thanks to you all.
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Default Dec 01, 2018 at 12:33 AM
  #67
Be strong; stay out of his life.

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Default Dec 01, 2018 at 01:14 AM
  #68
Stay strong. We are here to support you. Hugs.
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Default Dec 01, 2018 at 01:26 AM
  #69
Think of all the bad things that made it difficult for you both.. any incompatibilities, the way he treated you that did not agree with you, arguments you had, differences and most importantly how you felt most the time.

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Default Dec 01, 2018 at 03:55 AM
  #70
You can do this.
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Default Dec 01, 2018 at 11:15 PM
  #71
I feel lost. I'm sorry for typing this. I feel like I've lost most of my reasons for living. But I have 2 sons. I feel so hurt. I am starting to cry like a baby, I've always had depression and I feel like the one little thing I had to make me happier is gone. He doesn't even care. I'm too weak and sensitive I always was. I don't want to cry. I feel like a weakling.
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Default Dec 01, 2018 at 11:29 PM
  #72


It is okay to be sad when someone lets you down.

It is okay to cry when so hurt by someone so close.

You aren’t a weakling.

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Default Dec 01, 2018 at 11:56 PM
  #73
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Originally Posted by 2daffodils View Post
I feel lost. I'm sorry for typing this. I feel like I've lost most of my reasons for living. But I have 2 sons. I feel so hurt. I am starting to cry like a baby, I've always had depression and I feel like the one little thing I had to make me happier is gone. He doesn't even care. I'm too weak and sensitive I always was. I don't want to cry. I feel like a weakling.
Being upset and sad over ended relationship is only normal, regardless if it was good relationship or not. It’s a change. Change is always hard. Focus on positives in your life. Let yourself grieve and try to heal. It will get better. Crying isn’t wrong either. Give yourself time to process it. Be gentle to yourself
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Default Dec 09, 2018 at 09:16 AM
  #74
I find myself more and more angry. I feel like I was used

I want to update about this. The wallet was found, but by the time I got it I had new i.d., not a big deal I suppose.

I did apologize to the bf then that he wasn't at fault.

I had "made up my mind" that he was making me more depressed.

I am stuck financially at my home for reasons I just don't want to put in this thread.

He did not forgive me for my mistake about saying I thought he might haven taken the wallet. The more I think of the relationship we had, the more I see how much he said "you are bossy, you are controlling", yet the more ways I see that he was controlling me, even my emotions. By saying "I love you", then withdrawing affection as he felt like it, making everything wrong about me, telling me "you can't change, so this can't work", and almost never looking at his own behavior, this all angers me so much.

What do I do with my time? I had wanted to volunteer but that meant a long drive because all volunteering options are in a city too far from me, and I live in a small town. THere aren't volunteer opportunities that wouldn't affect myself financially.

I have music, that I play. I'm getting tired of it. The depression is getting real. I feel somewhat like the crumbs he gave me were better than nothing. But he cut me down. He rarely made me feel good. I remember he started to compliment me in the beggining of our relationship, and then saying "but I don't want you thinking your'e too hot".... huh. I'm hardly that at all imo. I liked being told he loved me, the affection part of our relationship. Love isn't all physical. Love seems too complicated for a woman like me. I still feel lost. I don't know other than cleaning and offering to do what I'd do before for a living, more often. Just tired of giving and not getting love in return.

He'd often say "I'm all yours".... but he didn't make me feel like a priority in his life. I guess I just need to learn how to be alone with my feelings but its hard. At my home the living arrangements are putting me into financial trouble, not my irresponsibility. I wish I could put everything out here, but it's too personal.
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Default Dec 09, 2018 at 09:56 AM
  #75
It's natural to be angry when you've gotten the raw end of the deal and when someone has mistreated you. You may feel angry or bitter for a while. Do you ever journal? I found that journaling and letting my feelings out on paper to myself really helps. Or let it all out here. It's healthy to acknowledge your feelings and to let it out. After a while of feeling that way, you will move onto another stage.... most likely acceptance and moving on from what happened. Just know in your heart and mind that you do deserve better treatment than that. It's one way to heal and move forward, is to know that you would never accept less than what you truly want and how you want to feel in a relationship. And one should mainly feel good in a relationship, not depressed, bad about oneself and unhappy.
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Default Dec 09, 2018 at 10:25 AM
  #76
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He did not forgive me for my mistake about saying I thought he might haven taken the wallet.
I don't think that your suspicion of him was a "mistake". It was a reasonable inference under the circumstances, especially when recalling his financial situation and that he advised you not to go to the Police.

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Default Dec 09, 2018 at 11:55 PM
  #77
I used to journal but the problem is someone finding it, or fear of someone even finding it on my computer someday. Sometimes I write a few things out and then rip them up, making sure no one can read it. It helps. I suppose I'll get to accepting things, I still long for those crumbs of affection. That's what I really enjoyed, not sex, not material things, just being held and thinking I was loved.

I agree that I wasn't being too much suspicious considering the circumstances, about the wallet. It says something about myself though, I clearly didn't trust him. It's amazing to me what I'd stick with just to avoid being alone with myself. Thanks for the support, this community is so good to people. I'm still looking for ways to enjoy myself now.... depression is there, but it was there before too. I guess the times I did enjoy with him distracted me from the underlying emotions.
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Default Dec 10, 2018 at 05:36 AM
  #78
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Originally Posted by 2daffodils View Post
. I guess the times I did enjoy with him distracted me from the underlying emotions.
^^that is profound
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