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Old 12-03-2018, 03:23 PM #11
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

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Originally Posted by Human3284 View Post
What about just a thank you card? write them what you appreciate about them. That could be considered a gift and using the money you save can be used as helping someone else in need at this time of year. One year my uncle brought a family that had nothing to his place for our thanksgiving dinner, or like you said for those other things.





Let's take the example of my one wealthy brother. He has never sent me a birthday card, a holiday card, or for that matter even a postcard. I send him a birthday card every year, holidays cards, gifts. So what I would really like to do is send him a note saying he is a self-centered jerk. Sigh. But that isn't me. He just had a minor operation and I sent him a get well card. But really I hope that's the end of it. Starting in the new year I am not sending him a darn thing.



Okay...let's take the example of another brother. I have a brother who does not have very much in the way of money and he is always sending me little gifts. Sometimes it is just something simple like a beautiful shell he found on the beach, or a funny postcard. So this brother deserves to be thanked...and I do it...often. He is a good artist and sometimes he will send me a little watercolor. He is so thoughtful. He is proof that even when you have very little in the way of material things...you can be generous. This brother has the heart of a king.



No more one way Xmas gifts and cards for me. I am so over it.
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Old 12-03-2018, 03:36 PM #12
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

When I was young, the family used to visit at Christmas. We exchanged gifts and it was fun. (Yes, I am Jewish, long story...)

Then my aunt stopped visiting and didnít want to exchange presents. The tradition stopped. My mom still did it, but it got much smaller. Only my family and the one sister who lived close usually came. We are talking about gifts that were more of a gesture than an expense.

The stopping of exchanging gifts started the ripple that led to the estrangement of the whole family. It would have been better to at least exchange some tiniest effort of cheer to feel connected to family.

Those grinches put the kabosh on the whole family relationship. It wasnít about not being able to afford it. It was just being stingy with love.
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Old 12-03-2018, 04:19 PM #13
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
When I was young, the family used to visit at Christmas. We exchanged gifts and it was fun. (Yes, I am Jewish, long story...)

Then my aunt stopped visiting and didnít want to exchange presents. The tradition stopped. My mom still did it, but it got much smaller. Only my family and the one sister who lived close usually came. We are talking about gifts that were more of a gesture than an expense.

The stopping of exchanging gifts started the ripple that led to the estrangement of the whole family. It would have been better to at least exchange some tiniest effort of cheer to feel connected to family.

Those grinches put the kabosh on the whole family relationship. It wasnít about not being able to afford it. It was just being stingy with love.







The funny thing about my ex is that he used to get really neurotic and depressed at Christmas. I used to joke, "It's not your holiday, don't get bent out of shape." Actually we used to have a lot of fun during the holidays. I would decorate one side of the livingroom in Hanukkah stuff to take pictures for one set of parents. Then the other side in Christmas for the other set of parents.


Yes, I do get your point totally. In my family Thanksgiving was the holiday that completely got ruined. When the entire family got together including six children and four of them insanely wild boys...the roof would just explode. We finally had to abandon Thanksgiving. (Too much booze I think was the culprit)



By the way the Holidays without Church thread got closed. I kind of figured it was heading in that direction.
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Old 12-03-2018, 07:03 PM #14
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

Yes. Itís really about several different issues. There is religion (which we wonít get into specifics about here), then there is the gifts and relationships.

Itís more control issues that continue into the holidays and throughout the whole year.

For you to be financially insecure this year, yet make a donation to charity is very lovely and says very much positive about your character.
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Old 12-03-2018, 07:37 PM #15
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

It can very much be about relationships and maintaining a connection. I know that I keep backup gifts in my home, as it is a concept handed down generationally about reciprocation of sorts. It a gesture of saying "you matter".
This thread is as much about the relationship with your brother, in my eyes than giving with expectations.
Diverting whatever it is that you could have budgeted towards a charity is a statement as much as anything and yeah, charity feels good. And can even be anonymous.
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Old 12-03-2018, 09:25 PM #16
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Yes. Itís really about several different issues. There is religion (which we wonít get into specifics about here), then there is the gifts and relationships.

Itís more control issues that continue into the holidays and throughout the whole year.

For you to be financially insecure this year, yet make a donation to charity is very lovely and says very much positive about your character.







Thanks. I am thinking that for me this year generosity of spirit is important....because I have been fairly self-centered - focused on all my problems. I think I will make a donation. It can be small. The Buddhists have a practice (oops, religion!) where you pick up something with your right hand and then drop it into your left hand... a practice in giving -- from one hand to another - to develop a sense of generosity.
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Old 12-04-2018, 03:19 PM #17
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

Most of my family was on the Naughty list.
I sent gifts to the few on the Nice list.
Stupid Facebook made rudeness even worse. Now my Ďfriendsí do a general post of ďHappy (Whatever)Ē and if I donít go on facebook, I donít see it. Like they think they are the Kardashians or something with a following of fans. You either follow them or you are out. They donít even reach out to me with an email or text. Phooey!
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Old 12-04-2018, 03:28 PM #18
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

My extended family does not exchange gifts - but we do get together for a wonderful holiday. There are a lot of traditions in my extended family so we don't get caught up in which religion we should be observing. Instead we gather together to celebrate family.

I have had my nose out of joint in years past when my children have chosen to spend the holiday with their father (and even some years with their step father). I just won't rant about that again. I will take whatever I will get of their time and not waste valuable energy on it.

I do want to comment though on the giving of greeting cards. I was raised on this. I was also raised on writing thank you notes. Both now seem lost arts - and it is a shame. I chalk this up to yet another failure to teach our children etiquette. Again, a real shame.

There was a time when I sent out dozens. Last year I reduced it again - each with a lovely personalised hand written note - to about a dozen. I got only one in return. All it had was my name on it.

I know that most out there will entirely disagree with me but I feel I must comment on what has become the replacement - the block email greeting. Just don't send me one. They are crass, totally impersonal, and (sorry) lazy. I have thought if you can't be bothered to write me a personal greeting then don't bother at all.

also cringe worthy? The lengthy family diary full of far too much personal information.
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Old 12-04-2018, 05:57 PM #19
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Most of my family was on the Naughty list.
I sent gifts to the few on the Nice list.
Stupid Facebook made rudeness even worse. Now my Ďfriendsí do a general post of ďHappy (Whatever)Ē and if I donít go on facebook, I donít see it. Like they think they are the Kardashians or something with a following of fans. You either follow them or you are out. They donít even reach out to me with an email or text. Phooey!







Haha, the Kardashians, that's so funny. A new word for uncontrolled narcissism.


It is actually scary. I absolutely agree with you about people acting like they have a fan base on FB. It used to be funny but now it is just wearying.



I had a high school chum send me a friend request. She did send a message, something like catching up after 40 years. (Truth be told she kind of irritated me in high school and we weren't super close although we hung out together.) When I checked her Facebook account she had over 2,500 friends. Kardashianism strikes! I declined the request.



I can barely stay afloat in the present...I don't have the energy to do life reviews with distant former high school chums. Someone posted a recent photo of my high school sweetheart on FB. In high school he was gorgeous. Like rock star gorgeous. I won't describe the photo on FB but it kind of traumatized me! It's like FB ruined my innocent memories. FB is psychologically damaging. I stay off of it.



You are not alone. You have had some awful people and traumatizing family situations in your life. I think spending time with you would be fun. You are such an elegant witty lady. You see things as they are and you are refreshingly honest. Happy New Year and may 2019 bring you some positive light and love.
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Old 12-04-2018, 06:25 PM #20
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Default Re: One way Xmas gifts and cards...

I send some gifts to two friends who don't reciprocate, but that's okay. I do send a few cards to some people who don't send me one, but not too many. I've noticed card sending is not as popular any more, but I still like to send them. For some people, cards back are the only time I hear from them all year!
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