He's Nice, But I'm Not Attracted to Him - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 12-04-2018, 01:42 PM #1
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Default He's Nice, But I'm Not Attracted to Him

So I've known this guy for... at least six years. In fact, we know each others' exes. We never really connected...were always just acquaintances. I ran into him about two years ago, and ended up giving him my number for business reasons. Needless to say, he TRIED to ask me out and I consistently said no. I've never found him attractive.

Well, he finally wore me down (being single for two years can do that to a gal) and I decided a lunch couldn't hurt, so I went out with him. I'm sorry... there was just NOTHING there. The conversation seem strained. I didn't have that urge to hang around (like I do on a date with someone I connect with). It was... painful.

...and the thing is, he's not completely unfortunate looking...just not MY type. He's successful, physically fit...seemingly good on paper...

Of course, my well-meaning "wed and bred" friends keep giving me the speech about being more open and giving people a chance, but you can't FAKE attraction.

They think I should go out with him again, but I don't want to. I'm sick of TRYING to make something work. I'm OK if I stay single a little longer. Is something wrong with me?
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Old 12-04-2018, 02:07 PM #2
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Default Re: He's Nice, But I'm Not Attracted to Him

I'm sorry you're struggling, ZenZeta I don't think there's anything wrong with you. It's perfectly normal not to be attracted to someone. I don't think you have any obligation to continue dating if you're not attracted. Especially since that attraction you're speaking of is not only physical... Just do what you want to do.
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Old 12-04-2018, 02:26 PM #3
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Default Re: He's Nice, But I'm Not Attracted to Him

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZenZeta View Post
So I've known this guy for... at least six years. In fact, we know each others' exes. We never really connected...were always just acquaintances. I ran into him about two years ago, and ended up giving him my number for business reasons. Needless to say, he TRIED to ask me out and I consistently said no. I've never found him attractive.

Well, he finally wore me down (being single for two years can do that to a gal) and I decided a lunch couldn't hurt, so I went out with him. I'm sorry... there was just NOTHING there. The conversation seem strained. I didn't have that urge to hang around (like I do on a date with someone I connect with). It was... painful.

...and the thing is, he's not completely unfortunate looking...just not MY type. He's successful, physically fit...seemingly good on paper...

Of course, my well-meaning "wed and bred" friends keep giving me the speech about being more open and giving people a chance, but you can't FAKE attraction.

They think I should go out with him again, but I don't want to. I'm sick of TRYING to make something work. I'm OK if I stay single a little longer. Is something wrong with me?

I'm not going to argue against your thinking here, and although attraction isn't everything it is quite up there on the list of priorities. if attraction is mild, it can be ok if the other aspects are there but if there is none, it's hard to overcome that fact.


Besides the fact if there were other offsetting factors this post would have been different, in that you would not be talking about how he's "good on paper" and blah blah but talking about how wonderful he is. He just seems to be a person in your view is neither overly wonderful or attractive.


Just not your type. the last reason you want to cave to going out is due to pressure. just do what you think is right. Not what they, your friends, and he think
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Old 12-04-2018, 06:35 PM #4
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Default Re: He's Nice, But I'm Not Attracted to Him

No, nothing wrong with you! We all have our "types" we are attracted to, and if he doesn't "turn your crank," then so be it.
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Old 12-05-2018, 11:54 AM #5
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Default Re: He's Nice, But I'm Not Attracted to Him

Hello ZenZeta, you might not be interested in him, but maybe you have some interests in common so you could be friends. For instance, you might enjoy museums or city festivals. You can go together as friends, not as a date. However, it is up to you whether you want to deepen your friendship or not.
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Old 12-07-2018, 12:25 AM #6
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Default Re: He's Nice, But I'm Not Attracted to Him

It’s kinder to both yourself and him to not try to force something that isn’t there. I just ended a six-month relationship with someone who was wonderful... but just not for me. Everyone kept telling me that the attraction would come— that I just had to give it time— that I would eventually “feel it” because she treated me so well, she was smart, she was pretty, etc. No matter how great someone is, if there is no chemistry, it just won’t work. It feels much worse breaking up with someone 6 months in— just don’t go there if you aren’t interested. Otherwise you will be miserable and you will end up hurting the other person.
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Old 12-07-2018, 05:32 AM #7
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Default Re: He's Nice, But I'm Not Attracted to Him

No, there is nothing "wrong" with you...merciful heavens. If you don't connect you don't connect. Take time and wait for the right one. Don't be like me, and just give up and marry "whoever". (Not REALLY, but you know what I mean).
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Old 12-10-2018, 06:33 PM #8
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Default Re: He's Nice, But I'm Not Attracted to Him

It doesn't seem like you are attracted him not just physically but also emotionally. If nothing seems to "click" in your conversation with him and if it has to be forced, then you two are probably not a good match.
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Old 12-10-2018, 07:55 PM #9
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Default Re: He's Nice, But I'm Not Attracted to Him

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZenZeta View Post
So I've known this guy for... at least six years. In fact, we know each others' exes. We never really connected...were always just acquaintances. I ran into him about two years ago, and ended up giving him my number for business reasons. Needless to say, he TRIED to ask me out and I consistently said no. I've never found him attractive.

Well, he finally wore me down (being single for two years can do that to a gal) and I decided a lunch couldn't hurt, so I went out with him. I'm sorry... there was just NOTHING there. The conversation seem strained. I didn't have that urge to hang around (like I do on a date with someone I connect with). It was... painful.

...and the thing is, he's not completely unfortunate looking...just not MY type. He's successful, physically fit...seemingly good on paper...

Of course, my well-meaning "wed and bred" friends keep giving me the speech about being more open and giving people a chance, but you can't FAKE attraction.

They think I should go out with him again, but I don't want to. I'm sick of TRYING to make something work. I'm OK if I stay single a little longer. Is something wrong with me?
Don't force it. If the attraction's not there, let it go. On the other hand, attraction isn't always a good thing, it could end you up hurt, but if you're not wanting to be in a relationship enough to give a boring person a go, let it go.
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Old 12-11-2018, 05:35 AM #10
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Default Re: He's Nice, But I'm Not Attracted to Him

I see no point to date or be friends with people with whom conversations are strained. What for?
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