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Veteran Member
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 575
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#21
Thank you all! This a useful thread for me. I'm a usually strong communicator but the more that I get close up with someone... I seem to forget those skills completely and just go along with things. Those skills fall overboard into oceans of insecurity. I love what people have said about discussing whether a relationship is going to be exclusive when it gets to the point of being serious. I love the mix of experienced people saying, "well of course" and of empathetic people saying "it's understandable".
I like what someone said about social media and relationship-hopping because this is an issue for me even in the everyday of my life, and... even with friends, it should be possible to ask a question about why someone arranges to spend time with me and at the same moment is constantly texting someone else. Yes, I can take responsibility for clarifying with other people without it becoming adversarial and blaming. I need to re-read this thread. It's hard work to relate in a way that is comfortable, especially when as someone pointed out "we are all learning"... it can provoke oceans of confusion and insecurity... and blame. THANK YOU FOR THE XMAS GIFT OF THIS THOUGHTFUL THREAD. |
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Anonymous40643, MaroonAbalone
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MaroonAbalone
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Veteran Member
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 575
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#22
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makes me feel good to hear you affirming who you are, and seeing how to talk to your man about how you feel! |
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MaroonAbalone
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Veteran Member
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 575
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#23
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Relationships are about having my feelings respected by me and by others, even if a proportion of that feeling comes from previous hurts and insecurity. Not controlling others, but HAVING THE DEPTH OF MY FEELINGS RESPECTED. When reading my above statement in caps, something inside me jams up... because my childhood conditioning was extreme disrespect. I can write that and yet still not feel it deep inside and down to my boots! It's easy for outsiders to disrespect the depth of feeling in first relationships... until you are the one experiencing that depth of feeling... |
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leomama
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
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#24
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First relationships? I say relationship in general. Have you seen the movie suspiria or heard of the artist tom Yorke? |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 575
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#25
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Sorry everyone for my over-enthusiastic quoting on this thread. I won't make a habit of it, I am just excited by the helpful wisdom found here. |
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MaroonAbalone
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
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#26
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leomama
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Veteran Member
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 575
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#27
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
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#28
I am not insecure in the least. I met my husband when i was 18 and it was love at first site. We have been together 23 years so far. Got married while in college, we have never felt threatened by each other's friends. EVEN I would have had an issue with him talking to my friend all day long. Her not getting it is another separate issue but as for him you have every right to explain that it bothers you. Be prepared that he may not change but you are allowed to be bothered by it.
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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