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Old 12-09-2018, 11:04 PM #1
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Default I really hurt the man I love

He kept asking me to tell him I love him and I couldn't do it because he wouldn't see me. Now he's been gone for 27 days and I am a mess. I've realized I've been profoundly depressed. My brother's mother in law offered to give us a free couples counseling class but he turned his phone off so I can't tell him and he's not responding to any of my emails. I didn't know I was so deeply depressed. I don't know what to do. I want to apologize to him, tell him I love him, I'm in love with him, I need him, I want him, but I can't because I can't reach him.
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Old 12-10-2018, 02:31 PM #2
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Default Re: I really hurt the man I love

If it's been 27 days, you may have to face that he's changed numbers and isn't coming back for anything. Sorry you're hurting
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Old 12-10-2018, 02:34 PM #3
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Default Re: I really hurt the man I love

Well itís been 6 days since he turned it off, but yes, itís beginning to look like he abandoned me even though he told me he loved me and told me to fix it and says he wasnít with anyone else . I hear he thinks Iím very troubled and disturbed so that doesnít bode well for me either. Oh well. And I thought we were getting married. I really hurt the man I love
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Old 12-10-2018, 02:41 PM #4
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Default Re: I really hurt the man I love

Things rarely work out like we want them to. Did you love him when you could have said it or did it feel forced? I'm sure at least something could be learned from all this. I've learned from every time I've loved someone
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Old 12-10-2018, 02:46 PM #5
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Default Re: I really hurt the man I love

Quote:
Originally Posted by SorryShaped View Post
Things rarely work out like we want them to. Did you love him when you could have said it or did it feel forced? I'm sure at least something could be learned from all this. I've learned from every time I've loved someone


We were engaged and I didnít say it over the phone because I wanted to say it to him in person and he wouldnít make plans to see me unless I said it to him. Catch 22 . I donít think Iím going to love anybody else after this. Iíve loved him all along but I was frozen, he of all ppl should understand that. Now I want to tell him and itís too late although he hasnít blocked my email or social media so who knows. He did say he would be changing his number. I feel like someone told him Iím the one with the pd and he should go no contact with me. I hear he thinks Iím very unhealthy and disturbed. Itís really I really hurt the man I love
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Old 12-10-2018, 03:01 PM #6
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Default Re: I really hurt the man I love

It is really sad. My own paranoia from mixed moods and mania have lost me lots of people over the years. I'm probably safer but definitely alone. Someone really wanted me to tell her that I loved her before and it felt like I was being handed the weapon I'd been stabbed with and told it was ok to use it on myself. Yikes that sounds messed up! But, it's how I felt. Love, the word, had been weaponized against me for years, because it was always followed with "but..." I don't want to feel it again. I say this, but have a date tomorrow. I almost don't want to go. But, I digress.
Maybe you need to work on you, become a better you in case of next time?
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Old 12-10-2018, 03:19 PM #7
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Default Re: I really hurt the man I love

I really hurt the man I love there was nothing wrong with me, I donít have paranoia or mixed moods. I was frozen . It wasnít an unforgivable sin. He had been trying to discard me since dec last year . I simply donít understand why he just didnít get rid of me. You shouldnít turn off your phone if someone doesnít say I love you. He wasnít even answering. It would go straight to voice mail and then Iíd get a voice mail. The fact I was trying to make plans to see him intimated I cared. Iím not going to get into a finger pointing game so Iím going to hold my peace. The fact that I was still trying to communicate with him meant something. It meant I hadnít given up and was still trying. That says I love you loud and clear.
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Old 12-10-2018, 03:24 PM #8
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Default Re: I really hurt the man I love

My point is that anyone can always be improved upon. I know I can. His loss is his loss. If he was trying that long to discard you, then you should have walked away. Ever hear the phrase, "don't go where you ain't wanted?"
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Old 12-10-2018, 03:30 PM #9
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Default Re: I really hurt the man I love

I did try to walk away hence the estrangement and his being hurt. I was trying to reunite with him . I know Iím not perfect.
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Old 12-10-2018, 03:39 PM #10
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I did try to walk away hence the estrangement and his being hurt. I was trying to reunite with him . I know Iím not perfect.
I see that you have made a sincere effort. It seems like you needed some time to think things over but something got lost in translation and he assumed you don't love him or whatever. Even if he doesn't come back, maybe you still want to clear the misunderstanding so you can have closure. I hope you get this opportunity, but if you don't, it's okay to take your time to grieve this loss.
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