What do you do when a friend may come back? - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-11-2018, 07:26 PM #1
JayAlex JayAlex is offline
New Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: Missouri
Posts: 5
JayAlex JayAlex is offline
New Member
JayAlex d
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: Missouri
Posts: 5

Default What do you do when a friend may come back?

Hi. For the past four years I have been friends with a woman my age in her 40s who has bi-polar disorder. Twice during this time she has disappeared for close to a year. During the second time which has been nearly all year I have learned a lot about the disorder through reading and with my own therapist that I see for my own depression.

When I came home tonight I received a Christmas card from her in the mail. The note she added in the simple ‘have a Merry…’ vein. I do not know what, if anything, to do now. I would like at least like send a short text to say thanks. Is there anyone with any suggestions or a similar story?

Thank you
JayAlex is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
Old 12-12-2018, 12:43 AM #2
Raindropvampire's Avatar
Raindropvampire Raindropvampire is offline
smiling musical soul
 
Member Since: Mar 2010
Location: Indy
Posts: 36,481
Raindropvampire Raindropvampire is offline
smiling musical soul
Raindropvampire's Avatar
Raindropvampire tired of being tired
 
Member Since: Mar 2010
Location: Indy
Posts: 36,481 (SuperPoster!)

8 yr Member
2,094 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: What do you do when a friend may come back?

I would send a card too or send a text and then leave it open to see if she reaches out again.

I also see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych central
__________________
I like that you're broken broken like me. Maybe that makes me a fool. I like that you're lonely lonely like me. I could be lonely with you ---lovelytheband
Raindropvampire is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-12-2018, 02:15 AM #3
Quarter life's Avatar
Quarter life Quarter life is online now
Elder...and a bit Older
Community Liaison
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: My Own Orbit
Posts: 6,823
Quarter life Quarter life is online now
Elder...and a bit Older
Community Liaison
Quarter life's Avatar
Quarter life Is Very Very Very Very Very Very Angry
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: My Own Orbit
Posts: 6,823 (SuperPoster!)

5 yr Member
506 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: What do you do when a friend may come back?

Hi JayAlex.

I see absolutely no problem with sending off a text thanking her for her well wishes. Adding that you hope she is doing well, and would welcome hearing from her again isn't too full on...leaves the ball in her court.

I also see that this is your first post as a new member...For those wanting to reach out for a chat without judgement......Psych Central is the place. There are many good listeners here... we're a pretty good bunch.

I have been an active member of this site for 4 years. In that time I have received some really constructive feedback and connected with several others with similar challenges to myself. I have also found hanging out in the Games Forums to be a welcome distraction in times of stress... a great way to clear my head, meet like minded others, and have some well needed fun. New members benefit greatly from perusing the many forums available here...lots to explore.

Also after 5 approved posts members have the option to join the chatrooms..or chat one on one with other members.

Should you have any questions on navigating this site, please don't hesitate to private message me or any of the other Community Liaisons who will be more than happy to help. Just click on the screen name above my avatar.

Please be kind & generous to yourself JayAlex, and welcome to P.C
__________________
The devil whispered in my ear, "You cannot withstand the storm." I whispered back, "I am ​the storm."
Quarter life is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-12-2018, 07:06 AM #4
JayAlex JayAlex is offline
New Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: Missouri
Posts: 5
JayAlex JayAlex is offline
New Member
JayAlex d
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: Missouri
Posts: 5

Default Re: What do you do when a friend may come back?

I want to say thanks to the both of you for your nice welcome & advice.

When I mentioned my own doctor in my post all my life I have dealt with dysthymic disorder. I would like to keep these boards open & bookmarked my computer.
JayAlex is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-13-2018, 05:05 PM #5
Anonymous52856
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Anonymous52856
Guest
Anonymous52856 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Default Re: What do you do when a friend may come back?

I've been the person who disappeared. I dropped off the face of the earth as far as everyone I knew was concerned. Sometimes it comes down to self preservation.

Just a little card or note I'm sure would go so far.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-23-2019, 10:35 PM #6
JayAlex JayAlex is offline
New Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: Missouri
Posts: 5
JayAlex JayAlex is offline
New Member
JayAlex d
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: Missouri
Posts: 5

Default Re: What do you do when a friend may come back?

Bumping up my own thread I responded to her unexpected Christmas card with one of my own. I included a note where I told her how I had learned a lo about the disorder over the year and that my cell phone number & Facebook page are the same.

That was over a month ago now. There has been no change with us sadly. Are there any insights as to why she made an effort to reach out in the first place?
JayAlex is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 01-23-2019, 11:39 PM #7
Anonymous57363
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Anonymous57363
Guest
Anonymous57363 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Default Re: What do you do when a friend may come back?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JayAlex View Post
Bumping up my own thread I responded to her unexpected Christmas card with one of my own. I included a note where I told her how I had learned a lo about the disorder over the year and that my cell phone number & Facebook page are the same.

That was over a month ago now. There has been no change with us sadly. Are there any insights as to why she made an effort to reach out in the first place?
Hi JayAlex. I see why the dynamic would be confusing and sad for you. I think it may be helpful to take things at face value here. She pulled back. Sent a short note and didn't reply to yours. I would leave her be at this point. If she wants to contact you, she knows how to reach you. You may or may not hear from her again...may want to prepare yourself for the latter possible outcome.

I think for you to try to read her mind or evaluate her actions could burn your energy without giving you any peace or insight. What about you? How are you doing? Do you have a support network to help when you are depressed...other more steady friends to talk with? Peace to you
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 01-24-2019, 08:11 AM #8
Bill3 Bill3 is online now
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 8,907
Bill3 Bill3 is online now
Wise Elder
Bill3 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 8,907 (SuperPoster!)

10 yr Member
17.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: What do you do when a friend may come back?

Many people send out holiday wishes annually but don't anticipate having an ongoing conversation. In light of that, to me her nonresponse sounds pretty normal.
Bill3 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 01-24-2019, 09:11 AM #9
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 9,566
MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
Wise Elder
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 9,566 (SuperPoster!)

2 yr Member
31.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: What do you do when a friend may come back?

I'm so sorry, JayAlex I understand it must be pretty confusing. Perhaps she just wanted to be kind and wish you a Merry Christmas, without necessarely thinking of having a conversation. I'm sorry if you were disappointed by this, try not to take it too personally. You still did a good thing by replying, and if she wants to reach out to you she knows where to find you. I hope you'll feel better soon. Friendships can be complicated unfortunately. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm always available if you need to talk. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 01-24-2019, 09:37 AM #10
s4ndm4n2006's Avatar
s4ndm4n2006 s4ndm4n2006 is offline
Chat Moderator
Chat Leader
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 1,991
s4ndm4n2006 s4ndm4n2006 is offline
Chat Moderator
Chat Leader
s4ndm4n2006's Avatar
s4ndm4n2006 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 1,991

3 yr Member
180 hugs
given
Default Re: What do you do when a friend may come back?

sending a card many times is mostly a courtesy. people that you don't really necessarily remain close ot but still think of them on good terms. It's not often an invitation back into a close relationship, though sometimes, I'm sure there are exceptions. Her lack of response is really not surprising.
s4ndm4n2006 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:02 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.