I am really struggling

It’s just an email exchange at this point.

maybe he is content without you. Trying to figure out how to make a relationship work is exhausting for them as it is for the other person. Why are yiu telling him how to live his life just to make you happy? That is very presumptious of you to tell him how limited his life is without you. Maybe he has realized that simple is what he needs. It's not all about you & what you want like it sounds you are trying to make it.

I’m
Sorry, that’s not what I said. And since he’s not here to speak for himself I’m not going to repeat what he said. It’s obvious he’s living his life without me or else he would’ve called me.

Even if he is having difficult time with relationships, he clearly is capable of dating and committing and having friendships/interactions/with women. He was married before even if it didn’t work out. So I’d say if he wants to be in a relationship, with you or anyone else, he knows how to. I’d not be telling him that he doesn’t have to be without you. It’s his call. I’d not assume his life is limited at all.

Again, since he's not here, I'm not going to speak for him. I never said his life was limited. I don't really feel comfortable talking about him anymore since I'm now corresponding with him and he was a member of this forum even though he's not currently active.

I can only speak for myself. I am really struggling being apart from him. I know we both live with the daily heartbreak of being apart. However he and I have two different beliefs. He believes our future blew up, I believe it is alive and well. Our future is us and as long as we are alive, it is alive.

He doesn't believe that I love him, am interested in him and that my feelings for him never changed and I don't know how to convince him I am telling him the truth.

I do believe this is a function of his aspergers , and I know there is help out there for partners of people with aspergers. It was frightening what I was reading when I was researching that subject. People with aspergers act like narcissists even though the underlying reasons are different. They can come across as psychopaths even though the reasons for the behavior are different. As I said there is a kid in my complex with autism and he is nonverbal. His mother is constantly cajoling and reassuring and coraling him. Its exhausting.

I'm not going to give up unless he tells me to. In the past he would tell me not to contact him and then the next day he would email me. This is how our relationship has been. It has been very volatile. I'm trying to bring peace to it now.

I was his peak experience. And I am still alive and available and interested in him. He just has to come to believe that. So, no, I'm not going to give up.

Don't know but those words are a direct quote from what YOU POSTED in this thread.

And I said I would not quote him as he is a former member of this forum and I have too much respect for him to do that. Why are we arguing about my words? How is this helping me? Look, he doesn’t believe I still love him and I never stopped loving him. He has aspergers or level 1 autism depending on your preference. I’m looking for help with that not to be judged for talking.

I wonder what’s going on. You often post something but then in a very next post say that you never posted it. Maybe you don’t remember?

You called his life without you “limited”, then in a next post you are saying you never said it: “He seems content to live his life without me limited as it is and I’m trying to tell him he doesn’t have to do that, I’m right here.” Then few minutes later: “ I never said his life was limited”

That’s why I sometimes wondered if you post about two different men or something else is going on

This quote isn’t from what HE said, it’s YOUR words. I don’t believe anyone asks you to quote him at all and no one judges you. You are suffering and everyone is trying to make you suffer less, not more. By pursuing this man, you are causing more suffering for yourself. You are asking what you should do. Then you get upset when you get advice to not pursue him. It’s unwise to beg a man come back after he ended a relationship as it clearly causes you much pain. You are free of course to continue but all it’s going to cause is more pain

leomama, aspergers is on a spectrum some individuals have a harder time than others. However, they definitely DO struggle when it comes to connecting and relationships. This is what is contributing to what you "feel" are confusing messages that you have been getting from him. You keep saying you don't want to abandon him, yet he is STILL only interacting with you on a minimal level and you end up confused and clearly emotionally confused and even on a self blaming level that's not healthy for you. Then anytime something goes wrong and he goes silent it literally sends you spiraling through a loop and self blaming. He was married and struggling and you still wanted a relationship, and is he really divorced? Well who really knows, he barely communicates with you and you ended up getting badly triggered. Then you end up "confused" and desperate. This is just not healthy for you leomama.

Why confused in quotes?

I’m the one that ended it but it wasn’t a permanent ending, it was taking space. I agree I should not pursue him. So what do I do?

What do you do? Let go and allow yourself to heal, do you see a therapist now? Understand he is not abusing you, he is wired differently and doesn't think the way you do or connect the way you do.

I am sorry this is so painful for you leomama. Seeing a therapist might help. I also find support groups very helpful, and many of them are free.

But what will help most is time. I know it doesn't help you now to know that you will feel better in the future though. It sucks to wait.

You said he broke up with you in November 2017. Supposedly two months before his divorce was final. You were upset that when he was finally free, he ended it. Now you claim that you ended it. See what I am saying. You post one thing then post something completely opposite just few posts later.

What do you mean by “what do you do?” Just live your life. Enjoy it. If you aren’t enjoying your life, seek help. But let this guy go

If I’m not enjoying my life, seek help? he said he broke up with me in November 2016. I can’t let him go .

I know he’s not abusing me. I can’t let go but I can be quiet.

Yes I’m in ACA. I’ll never give up hope.

leomama, I responded to you in your ptsd thread and I think what I said rings true for you.
It think you struggle with abandonment issues leo and you are trying to overcome something you experienced with your father who also failed to connect and relate with you normally.

It's important you understand that some people genuinely cannot connect and have relationships in a normal way, NOT your fault and nothing you do can change that person either. You have a confused way of looking at things because you never really experienced "normal". This guy just isn't normal, not capable of connecting with you either do you understand leo?

He’s working his way back to me. I found more email. I told you I’m not giving up on him. And I know I have “daddy issues” and he knows it too. We’ve dealt with those already and have a structure in place to address them.