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Old 03-25-2019, 03:13 PM   #11
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Default Re: dating a single dad with a difficult son

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, jagette12 You did the right thing for yourself. If you disapprove of his parenting behavior, and he's not willing to change it, you have every right to put an end to this relationship. After all, kids are a VERY important part in a family's life and it's obviously something that can't be ignore. I do believe that you dodged a bullet there. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be able to find someone else that will hopefully be a better parent! If he isn't, let's hope that he will be at least willing to change and learn how to be one! Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of this, jagette12. You don't deserve to suffer at all. I hope things will get better soon for you
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Old 03-26-2019, 01:01 PM   #12
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Default Re: dating a single dad with a difficult son

Simply put, I think dating someone with a kid is difficult unless you have your own or have had your own. It adds complexity to a relationship tht should be about you and the man/woman you're dating that doesn't need to be there. If you're a single that has never been married and/or with children it will only exacerbate the problem for you too.

I also disagree that in any way your place should be in anything to do with parenting. You're a person that is dating someone with a kid, there is no real commitment there yet. Even if you ended up marrying someone with a child, step parenting is a contentious subject then, how much more is it going to be questionable that you try to be an authority as just a girlfriend ?
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Old 03-26-2019, 03:02 PM   #13
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Default Re: dating a single dad with a difficult son

Sigh, I feel for you. This is such a sad situation - for everyone involved.

The choice to stand up for what you believe in, though difficult, is what will allow you to rest easier on this. There will come a time when you will be relieved.

I so very much understand your continuing worry and concern even after you have removed yourself from the situation. After all, you already had invested a great deal of yourself into the family.

There is something to be said about being the priority in a relationship.

Yes, we need to keep our kids our priority but there is also something to be said about also keeping our partners a priority too.

I thank you for your update by the way.

I just wish that things could have worked out for the better - for everyone concerned. Maybe it might be a little easier if you consider that, for the time you were in these children's lives, you provided some consistency which they so badly needed. With luck, their father will have learned the importance with this. It may even turn out that you have given him the impetuous to make the necessary changes.
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Old 03-26-2019, 08:34 PM   #14
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Default Re: dating a single dad with a difficult son

run. he will never change. the kids will always be #1. it is a battle you will never win.
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Old 03-27-2019, 03:58 AM   #15
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Default Re: dating a single dad with a difficult son

Doesn't sound like a good fit. Sorry that you're going through the heartache.
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Old 03-28-2019, 05:49 AM   #16
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Default Re: dating a single dad with a difficult son

I held back from posting this because not sure whether it's relevant. Just that I shared a house with a women for a few months who had a 9 year old (left with me to supervise at times) who had behaviour problems. Aggressive, rude, physically lashing out, once threw a dinner plate, etc. She was the parent and obviously I wasn't... I did feel upset by it and discussed with a friend who therapises youngsters who agreed was a cause for concern.

After I moved out, the school finally picked up courage to send the youngster to a psychologist for a few months of sessions and I've heard that he has calmed down.

So I think there is valid cause for concern which can be denied for some time by parents enmeshed with their kids... but my own experience is that eventually that behaviour will spread to interactions with other children at school and the school will pick that up.

I was more upset by living with this behaviour than I realised/ allowed myself to notice/ at the time. The friend/ psychotherapist said that extra-ordinary behaviour happens in kids with parents who go through divorce/ relationship difficulties - and it is significant for 9 year old children and needs to be brought into the open with them.

I get that after finding an ideal partner you must be discouraged by all this. My friend, parent of the 9 yr old, still denies that it was a big issue - but at least the school did eventually notice and therapeutic intervention helped the youngster out.

He was pushing boundaries bigtime!!! - and too physically big to contain as you would a 2 year old with tantrums - plus concerns that going into adolescence things could only get worse.
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