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Threadtastic Postaholic
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#1
This is all copy and pasted for context and I will break it up into quotes. This started March of 2018
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__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Anonymous43949, Anonymous52222, Anonymous55879, BeyondtheRainbow, Bill3, LeeeLeee, LiteraryLark, MickeyCheeky, Mopey, mrsselig, Open Eyes, sinking, TishaBuv
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#2
You are a very loving mother. You care so much you wrote all this out about your daughter.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky, sarahsweets
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#3
If it's any consolation, I would give anything to have a mother as loving and caring as you. I wasn't that lucky to have a mother that loved me any where near as much as you love your daughter.
Your daughter is lucky to have a mother like you. Hopefully she realizes that one day. |
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky, sarahsweets
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#4
Many hugs. You are just incredible.
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky, mrsselig, sarahsweets
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#5
You're a wonderful mother, sarahsweets. I'm so sorry you've been through so much I'm glad you didn't give up. I hope writing here helps a bit. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Sending many hugs to you
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sarahsweets
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#6
Hi there. I can totally and completely relate to all of this. My daughter did the same thing. Ran away at 16 and then left again for good at age 17, right before her 18th birthday. She left the state and the first time we drove nine hours to go get her back but the second time we couldn’t get her back because she turned 18 days after leaving. She spent two years not working and on drugs. She finally got a job but the partying lifestyle never really stopped. Everything you wrote here is what we experienced. More than 10 years later she has never apologized and continues to put up a wall and blame me for everything. She continues to expect that I should be financially doing much more for her all these years later. She holds a grudge against me that she has struggled but not once did she make an effort to truly help herself and I couldn’t afford to just support her and pay off all her debts... I would have done everything I could to help her if she went to college or a trade school but I didn’t see that I should support her partying lifestyle while I was working a second job just to get ahead myself. It’s a very painful thing to go through. My heart was broken and I have never been the same since. Every situation is different and hopefully your daughter comes around. I did the best I could but I know I made plenty of mistakes. Feel free to PM me anytime. I definitely understand what you’re feeling and going through.
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#7
Sending many hugs to you as well, Sisabel
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#8
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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#9
O.M.G.! SarahSweets! How perfectly AWFUL!!! ((((HUGS)))) You're in my thoughts...
and in everyone else's as well, obviously. (sorry, my Sad Hugs aren't working). |
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky, sarahsweets
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#10
((SarahSweets)) I don't have any comments, but to say I read every word. I hope things work out for you and your family and your daughter.
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sarahsweets
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#11
What you're going through is profoundly difficult and I know it's especially difficult to see the path to balance when you're in the midst of of a hurricane.
It seems like our roles as parents is always evolving and each of you are respectively going through growing pains. Suggestion: Make plans to get together, even if these issues aren't resolved. Going to a movies or having a potluck picnic in the park where everyone, including her, contributes something, is a good exercise but during those times, don't bring up all the issues or she'll never want to spend time with you. Talk to each other about things you're excited about and don't let it always be about the struggles and stresses. Big hugs to you! Lele |
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#12
Hi Sarah. I do remember reading this (as you mentioned your daughter in response to my post recently, as well as the others' posts before). But I realized I haven't responded to this thread yet.
I don't think that I have enough love or grace in my heart to do what you did for your daughter. I feel like a person can only pour out so much until the pitcher is empty. I feel that you refill your pitcher by allowing others to pour in more love and encouragement into your life. |
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sarahsweets
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sarahsweets
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#13
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sarahsweets
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healingme4me, sarahsweets
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#14
How are things going with this situation, SaraSweets?
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Threadtastic Postaholic
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#16
Well as good as it can I guess. She is in yet another sober house and quit her job before they fired her for absences. To be fair she got really sick twice and had notes but when you miss work it still screws over the other workers on your shift and makes things harder. I am not saying she was deathly ill but I think she is the kind of person who gets a sniffle and things its the Plague. She got another job right away and of course its all " I love my job my coworkers and boss are so nice" but that is what she said about the last one. I totaled it and she has had 8 jobs in a year! I think some of it is millennial syndrome. That sense of entitlement.
As far as 12 step meetings she is still wrapped up in NA. No offense to those it worked for but around here its a bunch of 17-25 year olds all dating and breaking up with each other. Tons of drama. A lot of people I know who tried NA and moved to AA say that AA is what keeps them sober. But that could just be regional. She keeps on dating people even though 12 step living recommends against this in early sobriety. Boy crazy almost. And I am sure that involves lots of sex. I took her to the gyn when she had her first serious boyfriend and got her the implant because I know she isnt as responsible as she could be. I just hope she uses back up protection. Her car died last week and thank god we have AAA plus. We had it towed home 40 miles for free. Hubby changed the starter and O2 sensor but its still gave us trouble. We took it in to the shop and we are getting it fixed. 1- so she can work. If she cant work she cant pay rent and her phone bill and 2- she would get kicked out and 3- would want to move in here and we cant tolerate that now. We had her stay with us between sober houses and it was tense. Like it or not through all of this she has her own independence and being accountable to her parents cramps that style. Rules at the recovery house are easy for her to follow because I am not the one giving them and expecting the courtesy of knowing where she is and when she is coming home. Sometimes I wonder if things will ever be better. Before she left she had "checked" out as far as the family was concerned- the minute she had a boyfriend. Once something occupies her time like that its almost like pulling teeth to get her to want to be around us. And OMG the way she talks now.. not cursing ( I curse alot) but slang that goes beyond "fleek, extra, hype and lit." Crap I have never heard and she tells me its because she has so many "hood" friends. I just have to put one foot in front of the other, take care of my own sobriety and pray that one day I can feel joy instead of fear when she calls. __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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#17
Has she ever been diagnosed with anything? I mean besides substance abuse? Some of the things you mention sound like there is more to it than just substance issue. Is she seeing a therapist? Psychiatrist? I’d also say that 8 jobs in one year isn’t a millennial thing in my experience. It sounds like she needs more professional help. Understandably there is nothing you can do. We have somewhat similar situation with one of my stepdaughters, she is older though.
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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#18
Looking at the dates of this thread, I can see how I missed it. Wow. You've all been through so much as a family. The 'hood' friends struck a cord with me. In a sense of ...gurl...don't ask for what you don't want(what I'd say to her not you)... |
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MickeyCheeky
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Threadtastic Postaholic
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#19
Woops I should have shared that info. Yes, she has adhd and bipolar. She has been seeing a psychiatrist for 12 years. She has been hospitalized 4 times. She was told by the rehab/outpatient and her psychiatrist to see a therapist. I offered to show her how to find out if someone is in network but keeps skirting the issue. I handle all her other appointments/urgent care visits. I got her back to our psychiatrist after she was done with rehab although it took some convincing only because when she ran away the people she hung with convinced (a very naive and under-the-influence girl that we were drugging her for no reason and she could be free and be herself if she stopped meds. So she was a non-compliant patient.
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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#20
Sarahsweets you are the winner of my annual JOB award. That’s as in biblical, not employment. It’s amazing to me you can keep going at all.
One of my stepsons (now deceased) was a textbook alcoholic who started out in his teens and gave us and everyone else in the family a run for our money, but he was not quite shall we say “active” as your daughter Becca. I’ll be sending prayers your way. Who knows? Maybe it’ll help. 😖 |
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