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Old 02-12-2019, 02:50 AM #1
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Default He's Mad When I'm Depressed

I'm currently in an LDR with my 3 years partner. He always says he loves me and always trying to reassure me about his feelings, but keeps on getting annoyed by what I really feel.

I'm scared to open up to others, but I have to, so I tell him honestly how I really think no matter how scary that is. I told him about my childhood, my problems, everything. He once said I'm just giving up about all things by thinking like that, and he said it by phone with such a disappointed tone. I feel like I don't deserve to live because I keep making those close to me feel negative. But I just can't help it. I want to progress but I just can't, i need more time, it's so hard.

He had never been to a psychologist. And never had a really hard time in life. A very positive and happy person, I don't want to drag him down. I love him so much and he opened the world for me. But it hurts. He doesn't understand me just hurts too much.

Sometimes when I'm having a moment, he would be angry at me. When i cry he softens and try to reassure how much he loves me, he says he chooses to be with me and to love the whole me. It's a cycle. He softens once I cry, but I just don't want to always be like that. I feel like sometimes I have to give in to what he says even if i'm feeling so broken. He got mad when I said I wanted to die. It's exhausting.

Don't really know whether i should live or die, the two seems a bit the same to me. I also think I'm always at fault to whatever that I feel. I don't know what to do anymore
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Old 02-12-2019, 06:59 AM #2
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Default Re: He's Mad When I'm Depressed

I think its important to look within and make sure you are seeing some meaning but what you say he says and does. How do you know he was disappointed? I know we can read into tone a lot. When you cant lay eyes on someone to see their body language its hard to truly know what they are feeling like. And you have to sometimes take him at face value. If he told you he was disappointed then ok, he is. But he did not. And him getting mad about you wanting to die...how did he convey that? Did he yell at you and call you a weak fool or threaten to break up with you? Was it concerned anger? Like you could hear he was angry but it was because he would miss you and loves you? Has he told you he loves you? what are your plans for the future?
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Old 02-12-2019, 07:17 AM #3
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Default Re: He's Mad When I'm Depressed

I'm so sorry, Chocopiano27 I believe communication and acceptance are key aspects in every relationship. Loving someone means accepting someone fully, including his flaws and his problems. I find it weird that he'd get mad at you for feeling bad. It's not like you can snap out of it. It's not your fault you're feeling like that and I don't think it's very supportive of him. In fact, from what you wrote, I believe it's making you feel even worse. You've said that he loves you, but does he just say that or can you actually feel it? How is he helping in your life otherwise? I'd suggest to seriously talk to him about this and see how it goes from there. Make him understand ho much this is important to you and that you're feeling hurt. Hopefully he will listen to you understand you. If this behavior continues, then I'm sorry to say it, but I think you seriously need to reconsider your relationship with him. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard especially when it comes from the people that should be the closest to us. Think seriously about what's the best thing to do for yourself. You matter. Stay safe and take care of yourself. Stay strong, Chocopiano27 Try to hang on. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. We'll listen to what you have to say and won't judge you. Keep writing here if it helps. I'm here for you as well if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 02-17-2019, 12:13 PM #4
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Default Re: He's Mad When I'm Depressed

Hello,

Yes, MickeyCheeky is right Chocopiano27, he doesn't sound supportive at all. You have trusted him with your deepest inner thoughts and feelings, your past, you open up, and he gets annoyed with you. He doesn't embrace you until you cry. No, I don't like the sound of that because at the very moment you need him, he does a 360 on you!

Nevertheless I think you've fallen in love with him and that, combined with this rollercoaster ride of highs and lows, can drain you of energy, Chocopiano27. Don't let the thoughts of dying linger in your mind please and cling very much to your life instead. I'm sorry to tell you but you'd be better off without this guy in your life. You need supportive people instead.

If you still feel awful, struggling, keep reaching out here at PC if you like. There are many forums that may be able to help also.

Stay strong Chocopiano27, you can get through this.
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Old 02-17-2019, 06:05 PM #5
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Default Re: He's Mad When I'm Depressed

I have a different perspective.

People who do not suffer from mental health issues, who have not had a hard life and who are generally happy often times have a hard time accepting when someone they love does have mental health issues and also their feelings when they are feeling so low and down that they want to die.

They don't understand the other persons' feelings, and this kind of thing may be very hard for them to hear.

You may need to clearly communicate what you need from him the most when you get like this: a soothing hug, a question of what can he do to help you feel better, or something along those lines.

Healthy and open communication is SO KEY in relationships, and especially long distance relationships.

So tell him directly what you need from him when you are this way, and see how he responds to you and to your needs after that. And if he doesn't respond well, then I would assume it may be frustrating for him and an issue he just cannot comprehend.
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Old 02-17-2019, 06:23 PM #6
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Default Re: He's Mad When I'm Depressed

Quote:
Originally Posted by golden_eve View Post
I have a different perspective.

People who do not suffer from mental health issues, who have not had a hard life and who are generally happy often times have a hard time accepting when someone they love does have mental health issues and also their feelings when they are feeling so low and down that they want to die.

They don't understand the other persons' feelings, and this kind of thing may be very hard for them to hear.
That makes sense. He tells her that he loves the "whole" her but then gets frustrated with her condition, so his mixed messages may be confusing her.
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Old 02-17-2019, 06:28 PM #7
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Default Re: He's Mad When I'm Depressed

I agree with golden_eve. He may be having a really hard time relating to you.

And he may even be over-committing, trying to handle more emotions than his own emotional-capacity allows.
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Old 02-17-2019, 06:37 PM #8
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Default Re: He's Mad When I'm Depressed

Yeah, I just think given who he is and how she described him, that he may not be capable of understanding or relating, so it might be frustrating and hard for him.

I have a close friend who doesn't understand depression and when I've been depressed he would say things like "but why? It's sunny and beautiful outside". It wasn't helpful. He just couldn't understand it.
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