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Old 02-17-2019, 06:51 PM #1
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Default I need someone to hear me

I never thought it would be like this... is this how it gets... I am at the point in my life were no one wants to hear me. NO ONE. No one wants to hear anything I have to say... no one cares at all.

I can't figure out how to get out of this pattern and also, what do I do?

I mean I am starting to think it is a matter of training myself to speak less... perhaps I would even be happier?

Workmate #1: Last week I got called for a job interview and I didn't go to the interview. She said, with lots of gust-o, that I couldn't complain about my job anymore. Errr.. first, I hardly ever complain about my job. And err, mostly I only do that because I need to have something to say to her. She complains so much about her job she can't stop herself from walking into my office constantly -- when the door is closed. I mean literally she keeps going on about how it is DOD day -- door open day -- because a noisy co worker is gone and I smile and SHUT MY DOOR.

She just wants to talk bout her... that is it.. 100% and resents me getting a word in edgewise.

Workmate #2: The thing is... she is busy right now, but I cannot walk into her office without her doing all the talking or leaving. I am sitting there eating my lunch and she isn't even in the office. I can't help but think she just doesn't want to talk to me. This irritates me because it is over on the other side of the building so I can't get my work done while she is gone.

Workmate #3: ok how do you say this.... she takes an SSRI medication and she is so spaced out she can hardly maintain a conversation and I am tired of her not being responsive to what I just said and scattered brained. I think it is the SSRI but she just doesn't give one lick about me - I am more and more sure of it.

The more I look around and try to find out the secret to people in my workplace surviving it seems like they have a strong family life. Sometimes I now wonder if that isn't the secret. They can be quite all day because when they go home they will have someone to truly listen to them. And they get it all out. But I don't have that... I thought, and it was this way when I was younger, I could have other people in work etc to listen, but I am not finding that. I am just finding users. I think, frankly, because I am single and they know it. So they feel i should be their dump ground and feel I am not worthy of anything going on with me.
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Old 02-17-2019, 07:14 PM #2
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Default Re: I need someone to hear me

It sounds like these co workers are far too self involved and dont care to reciprocate listening. I learned over the years to rely on friends outside of work for real support and real conversations, whereby I would be heard and listened to. You mention family life but do u have close friends you can talk to? Id rely on them not your co workers.
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Old 02-17-2019, 07:20 PM #3
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Default Re: I need someone to hear me

Quote:
Originally Posted by golden_eve View Post
It sounds like these co workers are far too self involved and dont care to reciprocate listening. I learned over the years to rely on friends outside of work for real support and real conversations, whereby I would be heard and listened to. You mention family life but do u have close friends you can talk to? Id rely on them not your co workers.
I do not. Just me. No real family - no friends outside of work.

Me and my cat.

And even he seems sick of me lately.
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Old 02-17-2019, 07:30 PM #4
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Default Re: I need someone to hear me

Do you have hobbies or interests that allow u to meet people? That can help!
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Old 02-17-2019, 07:48 PM #5
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Originally Posted by golden_eve View Post
Do you have hobbies or interests that allow u to meet people? That can help!
Nope. I am on an HOA which takes up most of my free time. And some of them are even single. But they are no interested. I mean really they are my neighbors.. but they aren't interested in being friends... at all. And I swear to god... they don't even want to talk about the condo that often.

They would prefer it if we just went to meetings and they were 10 minutes long.
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Old 02-17-2019, 11:15 PM #6
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Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton View Post
I think, frankly, because I am single and they know it. So they feel i should be their dump ground and feel I am not worthy of anything going on with me.
That must hurt your feelings, Emily! This is very unfair and condescending. Can you fake it that you should be out the door right at 5PM even though you have nothing to do in the evening, and in general make an impression of a busy social life?
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Old 02-17-2019, 11:35 PM #7
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Default Re: I need someone to hear me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton View Post

The more I look around and try to find out the secret to people in my workplace surviving it seems like they have a strong family life. Sometimes I now wonder if that isn't the secret. They can be quite all day because when they go home they will have someone to truly listen to them. And they get it all out. But I don't have that... I thought, and it was this way when I was younger, I could have other people in work etc to listen, but I am not finding that. I am just finding users. I think, frankly, because I am single and they know it. So they feel i should be their dump ground and feel I am not worthy of anything going on with me.
First of all, work is a professional environment, so you can't really expect your co-workers to listen to your personal problems, unless you have developed a friendship that extends beyond workplace.

And you don't need to continue to listen to their personal problems either if you don't want to.

Now, as their behavior towards you, it sure sounds unfair that they dump all of their problems on you in a one-sided manner. Sometimes when you are single and have no kids, some people assume that you have "plenty of time" or a leeway to help them. But that's a wrong assumption. A single gal could have a lot on her plate too, like having to take care of her elderly, ill, or handicapped family member. The co-workers you mention do not seem to treat you with respect. I think you should protect yourself by keeping the relationship strictly professional with them.

And I hope that you will eventually have the opportunity to meet great people. In the mean time, if it is any consolation, you are being heard here on PC.
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Old 02-18-2019, 08:05 AM #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
First of all, work is a professional environment, so you can't really expect your co-workers to listen to your personal problems, unless you have developed a friendship that extends beyond workplace.
And you don't need to continue to listen to their personal problems either if you don't want to.
It kind of feels like i have to. You must talk to co workers to do your job. But as I mentioned, I keep my office door closed and even shut my shades a little. But people just walk in anyway.

I can't really understand how this keeps happening to me. I went through a period a few years ago where I was friends with people I didn't really want to be. Eventually they betrayed me. And now we don't talk. I am grateful that I no longer have to speak with them (mostly because we don't have to work with each other).

And as soon as those people left me I got an entire new gaggle of people talking to me that aren't my friend... and they are just as disrespectful of the signs that I give them that I don't want to talk and just as unconcerned about me as a person.

I can push back hard but they will be annoyed with me. It seems that pushing back hard is the only option. Anything less than that seems to get them to refuse to stop.
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Old 02-18-2019, 08:49 AM #9
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Default Re: I need someone to hear me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton View Post
I never thought it would be like this... is this how it gets... I am at the point in my life were no one wants to hear me. NO ONE. No one wants to hear anything I have to say... no one cares at all.

I can't figure out how to get out of this pattern and also, what do I do?
Well I do not know if this is true or not but the easiest way to deal with it is to do your own thing and accept it. Since we cant change anyone its sometimes easier just to go about your business and not let it bother you and definitely do not act like it bothers you.
Quote:
Workmate #1: Last week I got called for a job interview and I didn't go to the interview. She said, with lots of gust-o, that I couldn't complain about my job anymore. Errr.. first, I hardly ever complain about my job. And err, mostly I only do that because I need to have something to say to her. She complains so much about her job she can't stop herself from walking into my office constantly -- when the door is closed. I mean literally she keeps going on about how it is DOD day -- door open day -- because a noisy co worker is gone and I smile and SHUT MY DOOR.
How does she know you had a job interview and how is it any of her business if you went? You do not have to talk to her and certainly do not reveal that you had an interview unless you want it getting back to your boss and then the boss will wonder...

Quote:
Workmate #2: The thing is... she is busy right now, but I cannot walk into her office without her doing all the talking or leaving. I am sitting there eating my lunch and she isn't even in the office. I can't help but think she just doesn't want to talk to me. This irritates me because it is over on the other side of the building so I can't get my work done while she is gone.
I do not understand why you cant do your work if she is gone. Especially if she does all the talking or walks out. That isnt a conversation anyway. The best thing is not to walk into her office unless you have to speak to her about a work related issue.

Quote:
Workmate #3: ok how do you say this.... she takes an SSRI medication and she is so spaced out she can hardly maintain a conversation and I am tired of her not being responsive to what I just said and scattered brained. I think it is the SSRI but she just doesn't give one lick about me - I am more and more sure of it.
It really isnt your business to worry about what medication she takes or what her issues are. Just look at her as someone who deserves compassion and let it be.

Quote:
The more I look around and try to find out the secret to people in my workplace surviving it seems like they have a strong family life. Sometimes I now wonder if that isn't the secret. They can be quite all day because when they go home they will have someone to truly listen to them. And they get it all out. But I don't have that... I thought, and it was this way when I was younger, I could have other people in work etc to listen, but I am not finding that. I am just finding users. I think, frankly, because I am single and they know it. So they feel i should be their dump ground and feel I am not worthy of anything going on with me.
I think you are focusing way to much on everyone else instead of focusing on yourself. I do not know if its something like you need acceptance of other people in order to feel good but you may have to change. Just go with the flow and remain quiet. The whole talking thing isnt working out anyway and if you remain quiet you can be assured that nothing you are doing has anything to do with what they are doing.
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