Husband Walked Out

I think it’s because we’ve been fighting a lot. He says things that hurt my feelings and I freak out and cry and he says he can’t deal with my overreactions anymore. I know I’m a sensitive person, but I am in therapy trying to learn better ways to cope. He said he will not be sticking around to see me get better.

Thank you, it’s nice to hear a male perspective on the situation. I think he is mainly mad at me because I get upset and cry a lot and he says he cannot deal with it anymore. Do you have any ideas on how I could prove to him that I’m trying to do better?

One month into your marriage, no less. It does sound heartbreaking.
Are you able to support yourself solo in your marital home? Seems a bit brash on his part while you are all supposed to be in the honeymoon phase
What makes him so goshdarn special that you'd even want him back?
The walking out seems like it's a means to groom you to being subservient to him as opposed to being an equal partner. With him purposefully goading you into an emotional reaction by saying mean things knowingly hurting your feelings.
How long were you together before he proposed to you and asked to spend the rest of his life with you?

No, I’m not able to support myself. I only have a part-time job and we share a car. I thought it was an extreme reaction too and it really seems like it’s to punish me. We have been together for three years, he proposed in September of last year.

So, he said he is staying at our house until Monday which is his last work day of the week, and that if I can prove to him that I can do better and not be so overly emotional, that maybe he will stay. Otherwise he is moving in with his parents for good and finding a new job there. I don’t know how to prove anything to him. I’m just kind of going about my business and not saying anything to him cause I don’t know what to say. Any advice on how I can make him see I’m really trying to be a good wife?

So, he said he is staying at our house until Monday which is his last work day of the week, and that if I can prove to him that I can do better and not be so overly emotional, that maybe he will stay. Otherwise he is moving in with his parents for good and finding a new job there. I don’t know how to prove anything to him. I’m just kind of going about my business and not saying anything to him cause I don’t know what to say. Any advice on how I can make him see I’m really trying to be a good wife?

And his parents are ok with this plan of his? I know as a mom of sons I would not be ok with this.

Just how the heck are you supposed to contain emotions having this weighing on you?

As far as I know, he hasn’t talked to them about this. I don’t think they would tell him no though; they always do what he wants. He escaped to their house quite a few times while we were dating and they never objected.

Yeah I really don’t know how to be calm when I don’t even know if I’ll have a husband come Monday or not. I don’t know how he expects me to be okay. It really really hurts and I’m honestly feeling suicidal for the first time in a long time. The worst part is knowing that I started all of this.

I don't buy it for one minute that You Started this.

He knew who you were for 3 years, then chose to ask for your hand in marriage. Marriage takes work and it's a partnership.

Of course you're feeling sui thoughts because it's a traumatic point in your life. The situation of having him here today gone the next or holding that over you IS TRAUMATIC!

At this point I find this threat of his abusive by itself.

If his parents continue to enable him then that sounds dysfunctional. I'd perhaps land behind bars if mine kept showing up at my doorstep. He doesn't sound properly "launched" which is supposed to be the goal for parents to launch their children from the nest into adulthood and independence.

Do you have family to reach out to?

Yes, that’s the problem is that I have been emotional and sometimes over-the-top emotional for the whole time we’ve been together but I’ve been working on doing better. He knows me and knew what he was agreeing to, but still decided to marry me. Maybe he thought I would change faster and learn to be better quicker if i was married. Idk.

I really wish he saw it the way you and I do. He doesn’t see it as abusive; he wholeheartedly believes that I deserve this.

I do have family but I’m hesitant to reach out because I’m so embarrassed that my marriage is going under already, a month into it. I don’t wanna be the family joke 😕

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doglover6335 So, he said he is staying at our house until Monday which is his last work day of the week, and that if I can prove to him that I can do better and not be so overly emotional, that maybe he will stay. Otherwise he is moving in with his parents for good and finding a new job there. I don’t know how to prove anything to him. I’m just kind of going about my business and not saying anything to him cause I don’t know what to say. Any advice on how I can make him see I’m really trying to be a good wife?

I'm sorry but to me this seems ridiculous-almost outrageous. He has to have had prior thoughts about your relationship before this happened. If you love someone you are not going to breakup over differences of opinion OVER A TV show. It does not make any sense. And what could you possibly do to "prove" to him anything? Personally I think it borders on emotional abuse and is very cruel. You are not a child and you are entitled to have your own opinions and not cowtow to someone's injured ego.

Quote:

Originally Posted by healingme4me I don't buy it for one minute that You Started this. He knew who you were for 3 years, then chose to ask for your hand in marriage. Marriage takes work and it's a partnership. Of course you're feeling sui thoughts because it's a traumatic point in your life. The situation of having him here today gone the next or holding that over you IS TRAUMATIC! At this point I find this threat of his abusive by itself. If his parents continue to enable him then that sounds dysfunctional. I'd perhaps land behind bars if mine kept showing up at my doorstep. He doesn't sound properly "launched" which is supposed to be the goal for parents to launch their children from the nest into adulthood and independence. Do you have family to reach out to?

Yeah, I think it was just building up to this over time. He feels that anytime we have a disagreement that I respond way too emotionally and cry too easily and he says me exposing him to that is emotional abuse.

Can you give examples of what's considered emotional and over the top? You've also mentioned earlier, mean things being said, are there examples of that?

I sometimes feel like perception of what's considered over emotional can be subjective.

Ok, you burst into tears and demanded an explanation about the tv example of what's considered cheating. And he refused to try to understand your point of view and stubbornly declared that what was on tv was innocent and that men and women just innocently share beds as a common occurence.

You expressed that you cannot reach out to family for fear of being shamed. How stinking lonely of a feeling this must all be. With a family that won't be understanding nor supportive on one side and a husband that dismisses your opinions on the other side.

I think the fact that he is mean to you to the point of you crying sounds like it could be abuse. Commonly, abusers accuse their loved ones of abuse, when THEY are the abuser.

I agree with the above posters that his reactions are extreme. He is emotionally threatening that he will leave unless you change. Change the fact that you get upset when he is mean to you??????? This sounds like a form of emotional CONTROL over you.

I am smelling abuse on his part.

First off, I'm sorry that you two had a blow out that ended up with him walking away. I know that fear that he won't come back is real but take a moment and breathe and think about the situation.

The first thing that comes to mind is that you have quickly jumped to the conclusion that his walking out the door was abandonment. That he won't return. Is there more to the argument that would imply that this is the case or was he walking away because he was very angry at feeling like he was being questioned about his integrity and faithfulness? I'll be honest, I get the feeling he is feeling, and I understand that you've had past trauma dealing with being cheated on but does it come out in your suspiciousness of him? Do you watch him, question him, and grill him because you worry he will cheat too or is already cheating? I wonder because from what you describe you say you were talking about the show and if it's accurate, he jumped to the conclusion you were questioning him, pretty quickly. Unless something in your description leaves out that you actually did question him.

In the case of you actually questioning him, I completely understand his reasoning for feeling like he did. Walking away still does not equate to walking out on a relationship though.

In the case he jumped to conclusions there are some things you have to ask yourself. Yes you've been cheated on, you've been hurt, betrayed and it's painful but does that come out in daily life how you handle your marriage and view your husband? Something to consider. I have a hard time believing that this one argument would lead to such extreme conclusions without having happened again or other things leading up to this moment.

I have anxiety, so I often not only burst into tears, but I bawl my eyes out because I’m afraid of losing him. Every argument ends in me crying because he says hurtful things and he says it’s childish. I sometimes get sick to my stomach too and vomit and he finds this pathetic. Do you think this is something unforgivable and that he is right to walk away from me for it? He feels that it’s emotional abuse to expose him to my crying and emotions like this.

You’re right; it is insanely lonely and I don’t know what to do. I feel so pathetic just waiting around, wondering if he will decide to stay with me or not. My family are the kind of people to ridicule you over everything. I know they’d let me stay with them, but I couldn’t deal with that.

OUt of context, it's quite simplistic to say that it is cheating. In a situation where people were forced to stay in the same room and SLEPT in the same bed is not cheating. Cheating is being involved either emotionally or sexually or both with a woman and staying in a hotel room in that case is not the definition of cheating. its the emotional or sexual involvement which wouldn't even require a hotel room to carry out.

Being in the same bed with a woman is indeed, not cheating. In and of itself it's an act of resting. But without all of the other qualifications of cheating being given about the show or movie, it's not automatically cheating to me.

I questioned him on his views, and I did say something like “Well, would you find that to be something appropriate for you to do in our marriage?” And he took that as accusing him. I certainly did not mean it that way, I was just trying to understand how he thought that was okay. I don’t ever question him about cheating and I don’t go through his stuff or do anything to make him feel like i’m Suspicious. He has female friends and I have never questioned him about his friendships with them. I’ve been very supportive of them, actually.This is the first time we have fought about this but definitely not our first fight in general. I think he is more mad about the fact that I cry and get upset when I feel he is being harsh with me. He said my emotions have been out of control and he can’t deal with it anymore.

Thanks for your perspective. I truly hope I haven’t ruined evertoover something so stupid.

It's emotional abuse on HIS part to tell you that you cannot cry and have emotions in response TO HIS HARM TOWARDS YOU.

The more you tell us, the more I believe that he is an abuser and that this is an emotionally abusive relationship for you.