FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Member
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 109
5 134 hugs
given |
#1
Someone please help me know what to do...This argument was so stupid and I may have just lost my husband forever because of it.
We were watching a TV show, and in the show a male character was sleeping in a hotel bed with a woman that was not his wife and I mentioned something like “wow, I hate that every male character has to cheat”. Well, my husband replied with “thats not cheating” and I kind of freaked out a bit and asked him how that’s not cheating (I have been cheated on in the past by a man that’s not him so I have a little bit of past trauma when it comes to cheating) and kept questioning him about it to the point where I was getting so frustrated I started crying. Well, that was a last resort for him I guess; he said “I can’t believe you would insinuate that I would cheat” and walked out the door, saying he can’t deal with me anymore. I’m so upset i want to die. I don’t know if he’s leaving me forever, and if I’ve ruined everything over a stupid tv show. If someone has any advice for what I could say or do to fix this, it’d be much appreciated. Also I’m so sorry if none of this made sense; I’m going crazy right now. |
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous43949, Anonymous55879, Anonymous57363, beauflow, Buffy01, HowDoYouFeelMeow?, Innerzone, KD1980, LeeeLeee, MickeyCheeky, Mopey, Open Eyes, TishaBuv
|
Buffy01, MickeyCheeky
|
Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
(SuperPoster!)
5 192 hugs
given |
#2
If that kind of a thing makes him leave you then I would be more concerned that it took something that minor to push him over the edge. Are there other factors involved?
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
Reply With Quote |
Buffy01, MickeyCheeky
|
Buffy01, Doglover6335, MickeyCheeky
|
Member
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 109
5 134 hugs
given |
#3
I have a tendency to get overwhelmed and cry a lot, and he says he can’t stand it anymore and that it’s basically abuse what I’m doing to him. I never ever saw it that way, I’m just a really sensitive person and I’m really trying to do better
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous57363, beauflow, Buffy01, MickeyCheeky, Mopey
|
Buffy01, MickeyCheeky
|
Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
(SuperPoster!)
7 38.4k hugs
given |
#4
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Doglover6335 From what you wrote, it seems like he was definitely upset, although I wouldn't say he's decided to leave you right away. "I can't deal with you anymore" is something a lot of people say, but it's not always meant to be taken literally. So perhaps there's still hope for you and your husband. I'd suggest to talk to him about this and see how it goes from there. Just apologize to him, explain why you've acted the way you did, tell him about the trauma you've had, if you haven't already, and just tell him that that's the reason you've got upset in the first place, and that you have nothing personal against him and that you still love him very much. Just be honest about this. Hopefully he'll understand. That's the best thing to do, I believe. It would be terrible to ruin a marriage for an argument like this. Are there any other problems that you feel like you need to work with you husband? I believe this was just "the last straw" for him, and I feel like there are bigger issues that you both need to work on. Have you tried couple counseling? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your emotions. Hopefully it will be helpful to you and your husband. It seems like you both really need it. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you and your husband. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
|
Reply With Quote |
Doglover6335, KD1980
|
Doglover6335
|
Member
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 109
5 134 hugs
given |
#5
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous57363, KD1980
|
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
(SuperPoster!)
11 4,168 hugs
given |
#6
I'd be a bit put off if I heard stated that's not cheating about a man in a hotel room with a woman not his wife on tv/a movie. Watching movies/tv together can be a means to spark discussion.
Regardless of whether it's self incriminating or not it would be disappointing(perhaps heartbreaking?) to discover not being on the same moral page. Of course you asked him to explain himself. Of course it brought out past pains and disappointments. I'm sorry that he without warning took off. I don't feel that you are wrong here. Do you have a marriage counselor? |
Reply With Quote |
Doglover6335
|
AspiringAuthor, Doglover6335, HowDoYouFeelMeow?
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#8
Unfortunately, this was not over a movie. This was over differences in opinion on cheating. If his viewpoint is that being with another woman in bed is not cheating, then what would stop him from doing so himself?
I completely understand your upset.... You two have some things to discuss for certain -- what you define as "cheating" and would he ever go down that path. It's surprising it's the first time it's come up though? And I'm terribly sorry that it got so bad he walked out. I hope he comes to his senses and returns. ((((hugs))))) |
Reply With Quote |
Doglover6335, KD1980
|
Doglover6335
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#9
What was his justification that what you two saw on the show was not cheating?
|
Reply With Quote |
Doglover6335
|
Doglover6335
|
Member
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 109
5 134 hugs
given |
#10
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous57363, KD1980, Mopey
|
Member
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 109
5 134 hugs
given |
#11
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous57363
|
Member
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 109
5 134 hugs
given |
#12
He says that if you’re not attracted to someone that it’s not cheating to sleep in the same bed as them. Even though the man in the show was attracted to this woman. He says it’s no different than sleeping in a bed with a friend of the same sex.
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous43949
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#13
Quote:
Yes, you need to get to the bottom of this with him, and if he returns. Why do you think he cannot deal with you anymore? What else has happened? Do you fight a lot? |
|
Reply With Quote |
Doglover6335
|
Doglover6335
|
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
(SuperPoster!)
11 4,168 hugs
given |
#14
Quote:
I would work on calm and saying that you cannot accept his running out on you when the topics get heated. That it's not conducive to a lifetime of marriage. I really don't think this is completely about you as he claims it is. He sounds young and not adept to addressing the challenges before him. You're not the challenge, his inability to not realize that how he says things matters and is the challenge. It was callous. You don't say that to your wife nor husband plain and simple. Then instead of articulating his viewpoint like an adult he storms off and points blame at you. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Doglover6335
|
AspiringAuthor, Doglover6335
|
Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
(SuperPoster!)
8 17.4k hugs
given |
#15
Quote:
You mentioned the two of you have only been married a month. It takes time for newlyweds to get to know each other & to figure out how to be a couple. And it takes an ocean liner's worth of compassion & forgiveness to keep a marriage going over the years. The two of you are just getting started. Hopefully your hubby will calm down & see that you each have things to work on. __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous57363, Doglover6335, MickeyCheeky
|
Chyialee, Doglover6335, healingme4me, MickeyCheeky
|
Member
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 109
5 134 hugs
given |
#16
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous57363, MickeyCheeky, seriouslyfunny
|
MickeyCheeky
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#17
I am so very sorry to read this Doglover. I posted some ideas on your other thread. I wish you peace
|
Reply With Quote |
Doglover6335, MickeyCheeky
|
Doglover6335, MickeyCheeky
|
Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
(SuperPoster!)
5 192 hugs
given |
#18
I am honestly shocked that your husband would storm out and tell you his is done over a tv show and that you and he disagree with what laying in bed with a member of the opposite sex means.. I mean dont you think there has to be more going on? I would put this on the "minor disagreements" list if even that. I just do not understand it, the reaction doesnt fit the situation.
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
Reply With Quote |
Doglover6335
|
Doglover6335, healingme4me
|
Member
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 109
5 134 hugs
given |
#19
Quote:
We fight quite a bit. It usually starts with him saying something that hurts my feelings, and ends with me getting upset and crying which he says is a major overreaction that he can’t deal with anymore. He told me last night he’s going to live with his parents because I’ve driven him away. I’m so lost. I’m in therapy and he knows this, I’m really trying to be better but he says he can’t wait around to see me get better. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous40643, KD1980
|
Member
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 109
5 134 hugs
given |
#20
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous40643, Mopey
|
healingme4me
|
Reply |
|