Help I can’t accept my boyfriends fetish.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, just before Xmas last year we moved in together and I found out he’s heavily into My Little Pony Porn (little cartoon horses) then subsequently found out he’s heavily into Furry porn. When we first got together I told him porn in general is a little weird to me, I don’t understand it because I don’t like it, but if he did it only occasionally I could accept that.
When I first found out he liked the show I told him I knew porn of it existed, that I couldn’t be with someone like that and calmly and rationally asked him if he was like that, he vehemently denied this and said it was disgusting. I asked questions here and there in the relationship which he always denied. I used his phone, with his permission while navigating in the car and found all the Pony porn so he couldn’t deny it any longer, he watched hours and hours of this regularly (he doesn’t look at any human in human porn at all). His porn watching is what I believe caused his mild impotency. We had a huge argument, I now regret my actions but at the time I locked myself in the room and told him he was disgusting and needed therapy. He talked to his mum and sister about it and they both told him he was normal, my friends all told me he was not. We worked through a lot of things and I decided to stay with him and he promised he wouldn’t look at that stuff anymore. Then 2 weeks ago I found him masturbating to “Furry” porn while I was making him dinner right after we had sex. I spent a few days at my friends place and I believe he has finally cut it out. He can finally get an erection easily, which is basically how I tell. However I can’t get the thought of his fetishes out of my head, it makes me feel physically sick to think about, how do I move on from this? Otherwise he’s absolutely the guy for me.

So his mom and his sisters and your friends now all know he likes little ponies going at it? I think everyone knowing about it is probably worse than actually watching that stuff. Why oh why people needed to know?

Now I’ve no idea what are furries but I know ton of little girls liking little pony stuff. So I’d have a bit of a problem wuth a guy watching little ponies doing stuff. Is he planning on having kids? If he has a girl she might like little pony and he’d be watching porn about that? Hmmm Is he seeing a therapist?

(Furries, if it's the same in Australia as Canada, are people who like to dress up like animals - it turns them on)

OP, I don't honestly think you're going to win this one. Fetishes are strong, driven desires. Nobody can just "give up" a fetish (that I'm aware of).

Do you live together? If he were to "contain it" - i.e. only engage in his fetishes in your absence, would that work for you? Or are you needing him to 100% do away with it all? Fetishes are actually quite normal - we all have them - some are just more "interesting" than others. If you are needing him to do away with them 100% you might be better moving on from the relationship, because he sounds pretty attached to them. If you can find a compromise where he can contain it in your presence there might be some hope.

Hello Melen: Thank you for sharing your concern here on PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. The sexual addictions sub-forum is another place you may want to check out here on PC. Here's a link to that one:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/sexual-addictions/

I'm sorry I don't think I really have a lot of insight into your dilemma. It sounds to me as though what may be necessary here is for you to come to some conclusion with regard to whether or not you can accept what your bf is doing. If the thought of what he's doing makes you feel physically sick to think about, perhaps this is just not a relationship you can sustain? I don't know of any simple way to move on & just stop thinking about it. Perhaps some individual therapy for yourself might be of some help with figuring out where to go with this.

There is help out there for internet porn addiction. However your bf has to recognize he has a problem & to want treatment. From what you wrote it doesn't sound as though he is there, at least not yet. Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, which consist of an interview with Noah Church who speaks & writes on the subject of internet porn addiction. Perhaps reading through these 3 articles will be of some help with regard to putting your bf's situation into perspective. I've also included links to 3 articles on the subject of how to stop ruminating & let go of stuck thoughts. I'm not sure, myself, that simply figuring out how to let go of the thoughts you're struggling with is really the answer here. But perhaps some of the suggestions in these articles can be of some help at least on an interim basis:

What It's Like to Be a Porn Addict? An Interview with Noah Church (Part 1)

What It's Like for an Addict to Quit Using Porn? An Interview with Noah Church (Part 2)

Understanding Porn Addicts: An Interview with Noah Church (Part 3)

9 Ways to Free Yourself from Ruminations

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-tips...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-ways...tuck-thoughts/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I feel for your boyfriend in this situation, to be honest. I don't consider fetishes to be a bad thing, and furry porn is a thing that many people enjoy. Cartoon porn is another. I don't think this would require therapy of any sort. What he needs is an accepting partner. I also don't see anything wrong with watching porn. If this is something you can't handle, then it means you're not able to accept all of him. For his sake and yours, I'd advise you to figure out your limits sooner rather than later, because this fetish won't just go away.

I agree with others. I guess you are either ok with it or you don’t. I don’t think it’s fair or reasonable to expect him to change and stop it. It’s personal choice. Personally I’d draw a line at little ponies. If you aren’t ok with it either, then time to end it. Just telling him to stop won’t work as he will just do it in secret.

I do encourage you to not share it with other people as it’s kind of his personal business

Frankly you need to decide if this is a deal breaker or not. To concede on this without firmly believing it yourself will only set up resentment. You need to truly believe that conceding will be enough. Whatever your decision is you will have to convey that to him with no ifs, ands, or buts. Lay down your limit(s) to him.

Personally? I am against any kind of porn weird or not. Cheating of mind is still cheating in my books. I consider it an act of infidelity and would not stand for it. I don't buy the notion that window shopping is okay as long as you don't try anything on. If I were to come across such stuff that would be for me the end right there and then.

But you need to evaluate for yourself the extremity such a thing need be and take action on that by your own terms.

It does sound to me though that you already have your idea of your boundaries in your mind and that what you seek here is validation of that. Regardless of my own ideas on the subject though, I respect yours and offer you my support in the matter.

Just a reminder. Please stay on topic for the OP, Melen6. Thank you.

To OP: You don't have to accept anything. I wouldn't expect him to change, though. He might get better about hiding it but it will always be there. If you can't live with it, cut the relationship off and move on.

Hello Melen6. I am wondering if you would be open to consulting with a sex therapist? I think someone experienced in sex therapy may be able to shed some light on this issue and help you work through your feelings about the sexual differences between yourself and your bf. I am sorry that you're having such a stressful and confusing time. I wish you and your boyfriend peace with whatever you decide.

I did a search to see if anyone has studied people who enjoy "my little pony" porn. Apparently there are many others with your bf's inclination. There are articles out there if you're interested in reading more about it Melen. One researcher suggested that it is most common among male millennials aged 18-24 in a similar way to what they deemed "nostalgic cartoon porn" such as based on shows like 'Family Guy.' It is better explained in the articles than I could summarize here. I didn't include links because I don't want to bother you if you'd rather not read about it. But if you're trying to understand it, there seem to be several articles out there based on research and don't worry, they don't include any pornographic images. They are written by people who wondered why men are drawn to that particular type of porn so they studied it.

I must live in a cave. How on earth did I not know any of this type of porn exists? Well, I guess now I do!

Different strokes for different folks.

I kind of doubt he's told his mother and sister ....

I'd be interested in finding out what drives this deviant behaviour (which is clearly out of the realms of society's view of sex). Maybe once you have the answer to this, you can slowly move forward.

That is how I felt too Crazy Hitch, and this is probably something the OP is struggling with as well. I am stumped in what to say even, honestly don't know what to think about this kind of challenge, and maybe that is something the OP needs to hear so she doesn't feel so alone with not knowing what to do about this challenge.

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Melen6 I'm afraid I must agree with all the others. You can't change him or force him to change. You have to decide for yourself whether or not you're willing to accept this behavior. I understand why you'd be bothered by it. I'm sure it wouldn't be easy for anyone to find out something like this. You need to find out whether you want to accept it or not. If the thought of it just bothers you that much, then I'm afraid it would be better to just end this relationship. Otherwise you could try to talk to him about this and see how it goes from there. Perhaps you'll both be able to reach some sort of compromise. I'm so sorry. I know it must be very hard for you. I hope things will get better soon for you and for him. Whathever decision you take. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

I did end up doing a search about this and as one poster here said, apparently this is a real kind of porn and is very popular with many millenials. I have to say that I am having a very hard time understanding how this evolved like this. I honestly can't blame the OP for feeling so lost with this challenge either. Also, it's mostly men too, and it's strange because the my little pony popularity was mostly a little girl thing. I don't get it, I don't get how this became a porn thing for males. I am really at a total loss with this and genuinely feel sorry for the OP. It's a real thing but there is nothing that discusses the why of how this happened/happens.

I did know about this due to my teenage kids. They are called ‘bronies’, meaning brothers into My Little Pony. It’s a movement and not necessarily sexual. I watched a bit of a documentary on it. It seems like it’s something for young men to show they are sensitive and bond with each other. Young women are into it too. The whole furry thing is a sexual fad though. My kids do not consider it cool and mock those into it. But if I were young today, I’d probably be really into the whole costume play thing, tbh.

Anything you just can’t get into that your partner is very into creates incompatibility. Listen to your gut. This relationship probably won’t work if you have differences that are deal breakers.

Tell him to come back if he should find himself over the furry thing?

Interestingly enough your last sentence caught me off guard. That "otherwise he's the guy for me" kind of contradicts the whole idea of a relationship that's more than just friends and is intimate. The biggest difference between really good or best friends and a romantic relationship is the intimacy itself. everything else is relatively the same, as in shared interests, values and such. But if sexual compatibility isn't there There really isn't anything to make the relationship a viable one beyond being best friends. I'm not sure if I'm clear here but my point being in every other way he may be compatible to you, making him a good partner to be friends with but if sexually you are not compatible why try to be involved intimately?

Likely as others have said even if he says he's going to quit, likely he will just hide it better. Secondly, in the very best situation he actually does "quit" looking at it, more than likely the interest in that type of porn or sex and portrayal of it will remain. Without his own coming to terms with what you think of it and actually agreeing with you that it's wrong, weird or whatever, it won't change internally.

The issue isn't entirely the porn itself or the consumption of it that I see as an incompatibility problem, but that what he finds interesting, desireable and attractive sexually does not mesh with what you find as such. Without common interest in sexual ideas and mores, you cannot have satisfying sex in the end and ultimately I dont' think it would work out in the long term.

Perhaps you can expand on why you find the fetish disgusting? What makes it on the verge of being a dealbreaker for you?

you mention it contributing to his impotency. Have you actually talked about that with him by the way?

Have you stated the fact that this fetish of his is bothering you severely to the point of you considering a break up?

It might benefit to candidly but delicately discuss these things with him, as he might be able to open up on his perspective, maybe even make a conscious effort to the extent that he can.. but I understand the hesitance to be so forthcoming if you're unconfident on how he'll react. Which is why if you are to take this approach, should ideally be met with tact