Husband is no help.

I’ve been married for 25 years. I’ve struggled with depression for the last 18 years(started after I had my first son). Fast fwd to now. I’m depressed. I go to work, come home and lay in the while my husband is watching sports and the kids are playing video games or on their phones. I’m so lonely. I have no one to talk to. I don’t have friends. I’ve always been a home body. I just feel like I’m going through the motions. I’m not really living. I just tried to tell my husband what is going on and all he had to say was go to the dr. I see s de every 3 mo and take meds every day. He said probably the winter blues and they will go away with spring. But what am I supposed to do now? He finally walked out and I was crying. Don’t know what to do.

Do you have family members you can talk to, even if it is just over the phone? It's helpful to have a listening ear during time like this. A therapist can also help you get through this tough time and potentially recommend a support group for you.

I think not being alone but feeling lonely is the pits. As is feeling stuck on autopilot when everyday feels the same and blurred together without a sense of purpose.

You've mentioned being more of a homebody. Do you have and hobbies, crafts, projects to direct your energy to? Any long ago dreams that were placed on hold? Sometimes once rediscovered and then by finding online communities that connect you to others with your interests can help reduce the feeling of isolation.

I’m sorry you feel so sad. I’m wondering if being an introvert is harder than ever these days. Our culture is now all about being constantly plugged in.... it’s all very superficial to me. The emphasis is on being super happy and successful. I see a lot of that anyway. It feels like a lot of pressure to me. People don’t seem to get together and just have tea and talk about their thoughts and worries and hopes and dreams... I hope you can find someone to sit down and talk with. I always find that goes a long way in getting me pointed back in a better direction.

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Momof2since2004 It's hard to cope with loneliness. I understand how you feel. I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. Do you have any hobbies? What do you like to do in your free time? I'd suggest to just find something that you like to do. Perhaps you could try to make some friends. That way you wouldn't feel so lonely perhaps. I hope you'll be able to find someone to talk to. Perhaps you could try some online sites like meetup.com or something similar. I've heard lots of people making some friend that way. Perhaps it's worth looking into it. We're here for you as well if you need it. We all care about you here. We all love you here. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. You know we won't judge you. I promise you that. You're a wonderful person. Stay strong, Momof2since2004. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this

From what you have shared it sounds like you got married, had children and your life revolved around that, basically being a caregiver. You are just at a point now where you are recognizing the affects of slipping into that role where you don't have anything for yourself. Caregiver burnout can present as feeling "depressed" and lonely the way you have described. What can help is making time for yourself where you can do something fun and be around others that are doing the same where you can gradually build a social life of your own outside your family and work caregiving roles, yes, work can also be a caregiving role.

I think his idea of seeing the doctor is a good one. If you are on meds now they do not seem to be doing their job so maybe you need to take a look at things and go over your meds with the doctor. I think sitting your husband down for a distraction fee serious conversation is in order. I think you should "schedule" it as coming up with a time and day you both agree to. There should be no phones, tv or kids to distract you. I think you need to sit down ahead of time and write how you feel and what you want to say- and also make a pros and cons list. If after all that he still downplays things I think you need to insist very strongly that he attend counseling with you. Remember: conversation doesnt mean confrontation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momof2since2004 I’ve been married for 25 years. I’ve struggled with depression for the last 18 years(started after I had my first son). Fast fwd to now. I’m depressed. I go to work, come home and lay in the while my husband is watching sports and the kids are playing video games or on their phones. I’m so lonely. I have no one to talk to. I don’t have friends. I’ve always been a home body. I just feel like I’m going through the motions. I’m not really living. I just tried to tell my husband what is going on and all he had to say was go to the dr. I see s de every 3 mo and take meds every day. He said probably the winter blues and they will go away with spring. But what am I supposed to do now? He finally walked out and I was crying. Don’t know what to do.

This is why I chose to not get married. This is every single relationship I know now. Men are just NOT going to change. They want their free time and will just not do things to get it. Is it any wonder your depressed? The only reason I would get married is if it improved my life, but marriage doesn't offer that anymore.

You don't need meds you need to escape this horrid life.

Hello and welcome to PC!

This is a good place to explore your feelings and bounce off others, getting support.

I see this is your first post.

I came here a few years ago with similar issues and have had much happen and some changes made.

Sorry you're feeling awful, Momof2since2004. Depression can be so tough!

Have you ever tried guided meditation?

What about a volunteer opportunity? A way to meaningfully connect with others. There is research indicating that being part of a group and helping others can help to ameliorate depression and loneliness.

Could it be time to try a new doctor? Or a psychologist? To develop coping strategies and gain some empathetic comfort?

If you feel that things are good with your husband in other ways, it could be that he truly doesn't understand depression and doesn't know how to help. That's different from not caring though I fully understand why you would feel alienated and lonely.

What about picking one day a week when you and the children (hub too if he wants) do something together instead of playing video games? Play a board game or watch a film or play cards or do a puzzle or art activity together?

Peace and hope to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverTrees What about a volunteer opportunity? A way to meaningfully connect with others. There is research indicating that being part of a group and helping others can help to ameliorate depression and loneliness.

Yes volunteering can do wonders. Its very hard to worry about and focus on yourself if you are busy helping others.

Yeah, some people are being really hard on the husband, when it may be he's not sure how to help. I was in a long-term relationship with someone with serious depression (I am female, ex is male). I was often not sure what to do when he would come home from work and just wanted to smoke pot and go to bed. If I cooked, he'd just say something like, I only ate it because you cooked it. Being the partner in that sort of situation is not easy either.

Can you set some time aside to have a more in-depth conversation with your husband, without distractions, maybe send the kids to stay with relatives for a few hours? Try and prepare yourself. When I was in that situation, I know I would have preferred some concrete suggestions as far as what I could do to help.

if they have an issue with your name, well then it is their issue, not yours. it seems like they are being jerks.

pay non attention to them...people goof on my name all the time, really if that is the best they can do, well screw them. my name is just a word. I am much more then that. especially if they don't know me. pay no attention to them. really, waste no time....jerks.

Have you tried celexa??