I'm Confused Even More!!! - Page 2 - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-05-2019, 01:25 PM #11
Calypso2632's Avatar
Calypso2632 Calypso2632 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Maine
Posts: 254
Calypso2632 Calypso2632 is offline
Member
Calypso2632's Avatar
Calypso2632 Working on it
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Maine
Posts: 254

3 yr Member
56 hugs
given
Default Re: I'm Confused Even More!!!

I'm sorry but he is being quite clear that he no longer wants to communicate with you. Alcohol just muddles things and makes perception unclear. But it's quite obvious if he mentioned the cops, doesn't reply, is lackluster, and so forth he is not interested in any sort of relationship. Even friends. Time to walk away. People come and go from our lives for all sorts of reasons.
__________________
Im not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.
Calypso2632 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 03-05-2019, 01:46 PM #12
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 716
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 716 (SuperPoster!)

1,426 hugs
given
Default Re: I'm Confused Even More!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Calypso2632 View Post
People come and go from our lives for all sorts of reasons.
Yep, that's right. Toughbird, you can't change the past but moving forward, stick with people who will stick with you. Pursuing people in a one-sided manner will not make them want to be around you, but will have an opposite effect.

Nevertheless, it's good that you decided not to contact M. again. It's really good that you are starting to make changes as a very young person, so you can pursue healthy and mutual relationships for many hopeful years to come.
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-05-2019, 06:33 PM #13
TishaBuv's Avatar
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 6,842
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
Elder
TishaBuv's Avatar
TishaBuv has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 6,842 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
830 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: I'm Confused Even More!!!

He did show a little confusing behavior, which is what encouraged you. Also, his saying he would call police was extreme beyond the scope of anything you described you did. I empathize with your confusion.

I have found that many men will do/say anything to avoid confrontation when they are not interested in a woman who is pursuing them. They will encourage and even lie to not have to just tell the truth from the start when they are just not into you.
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-05-2019, 07:47 PM #14
toughbird toughbird is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: London
Posts: 28
toughbird toughbird is offline
Member
toughbird has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: London
Posts: 28

1 yr Member
Default Re: I'm Confused Even More!!!

In my view it stems fears of intimacy. I feel I got too close and he ultimately pushed me away. The distancing only started to happen as he knew my feelings were strong. He even got nasty and really horrible. Admitted he has serious fears about intimacy. Something about intimacy makes him run scared.

He even said once every time he sees me his reminded that I got too close and that was enough for him.

That night he showed a lot of confusion as he was happy to see me. Kept looking at me when I got up and even moved to my table in order to sit near me. If he felt stalked or scared. He will sit away from me surely right?

Although I confronted him about the lack of replies since I left. I think he misinterpreted that me sitting next to him was only done in order for him to hear what I was saying as the room became too loud.

I do believe him running off was due to too much closeness. I tried to calm him down hence why I followed him to try to reassure him. But we were both drunk.

I reached out by texting every once in a few weeks not every day. Because he is an isolated and social ackward person. I was trying to be a caring friend.

Bottom line is this man has serious intimacy issues that will follow him and affect all close relationships. Unless he seeks help to address it. It will always be an issue. To both intimate and friendships.

The only difference is now I chose not to be a pawn in this game any longer than I already have.

He has already had a previous girlfriend go through the same thing as me to the point they dated. He went cold on her. She became friends. Then they started texting. Thrn she got rid of him and cut contact.

The only thing I should have done is not allowing it to drag on as long as it did. I should have cut contact and walked away.

My conscious is clear and I don't feel I have done anything wrong except in trying to be a good girlfriend and friend. The issue is with him and not me.
toughbird is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-05-2019, 08:51 PM #15
TishaBuv's Avatar
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 6,842
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
Elder
TishaBuv's Avatar
TishaBuv has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 6,842 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
830 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: I'm Confused Even More!!!

It does sound like itís more on him, and he does have some intimacy issues. You didnít do anything so bad. Just leaving him alone now is your best course of action.

I had an ex with similar issues. Heís take two steps forward/ three steps back. He made a comment that I had Ďchild bearing hipsí and cooled off to me. Mind you, I had a thin, great figure. His issues!
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 03-06-2019, 12:23 PM #16
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 716
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 716 (SuperPoster!)

1,426 hugs
given
Default Re: I'm Confused Even More!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by toughbird View Post
My conscious is clear and I don't feel I have done anything wrong except in trying to be a good girlfriend and friend. The issue is with him and not me.
I believe that you had only good intentions. But it's good to remember that even with the absolutely best intentions, our actions could come out wrong sometimes.
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-06-2019, 12:50 PM #17
toughbird toughbird is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: London
Posts: 28
toughbird toughbird is offline
Member
toughbird has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: London
Posts: 28

1 yr Member
Default Re: I'm Confused Even More!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
I believe that you had only good intentions. But it's good to remember that even with the absolutely best intentions, our actions could come out wrong sometimes.
Well it's always best to ask before making assumptions.
toughbird is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 03-06-2019, 12:59 PM #18
s4ndm4n2006's Avatar
s4ndm4n2006 s4ndm4n2006 is offline
Chat Moderator
Chat Leader
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 1,987
s4ndm4n2006 s4ndm4n2006 is offline
Chat Moderator
Chat Leader
s4ndm4n2006's Avatar
s4ndm4n2006 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 1,987

3 yr Member
178 hugs
given
Default Re: I'm Confused Even More!!!

I would hesitate to place "blame" on anyone. the two involved in this situation are not meshing and quite different. I dont' see anything in what he did as being the one to blame for everything nor is it all on him.


On the flip side, pursuit of someone that has made it clear that they are not interested is bordering on harassment imo. If I was to ignore or reply in short to someone only to find they not only follow up with me again on fb or other social media, I would have blocked at that point. Following someone to ask them repeatedly "why" they were leaving even tot he point that you follow them outside shows that although the man may have issues with intimacy as you say, I believe that you have a boundary issue that you seem to cross a lot.


Not placing the blame on either person but I think that it's unfair to say either of the two people were to blame for the failure of this friendship.
s4ndm4n2006 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-06-2019, 04:11 PM #19
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 divine1966 is online now
Legendary
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 13,379
divine1966 divine1966 is online now
Legendary
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 13,379 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
446 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: I'm Confused Even More!!!

Iíd say you can only be a good girlfriend or a friend if the other person wants the same. If they clearly donít, then it doesnít really matter if they have intimacy issue or just arenít interested. You canít be their friend if they arenít up to it.

Iíd focus on roots of this attraction to unavailable man and this desire to pursue him no matter what. Iíd not focus on why he did this or that because frankly it doesnít matter, at this point he is gone, and good riddance.

But itís important to reflect on your actions, your attraction to these kind of men and your behavior. If you donít look into it, you run a risk of next man being just as disinterested and you being just as willing to chase him (instead of looking for available and willing men who resipocate to your advances)

I donít know if you see a therapist but it could be very helpful in working on these issues. You deserve a loving man by your side
divine1966 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-06-2019, 11:24 PM #20
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 716
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 716 (SuperPoster!)

1,426 hugs
given
Default Re: I'm Confused Even More!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
If you donít look into it, you run a risk of next man being just as disinterested and you being just as willing to chase him (instead of looking for available and willing men who resipocate to your advances)
That could be a vicious cycle.

Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
You deserve a loving man by your side
As a woman, I agree.
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:33 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.