Are people "set in their ways" after 50?

Thank you so much for making this thread, ennie! Thank you so much for taking part in it and for sharing your experiences. I agree with what all of you have already wisely said better than I ever could. I do believe it's possible to change even as you grow older. Otherwise many people wouldn't even be able to survive in today's wordl! The ability to adapt and change is one of our biggest strengths. We should put it at good use! I do believe that it gets hard, though. I also agree that it gets harder and harder as you get olden. I'm not sure way. Perhaps it's because people have been acting a certain way for such a long time that it's harder to break our habits. But that doesn't mean it's not possible! It just requires time and effort. Also, some people are just not interested in changing. But I do believe it's possible overall at any age. It's certainly not easy. But it can be done! Thank you so much for making me think about this, everyone. I feel like this is a very important question. I'm so sorry if you have to put up with abusive behavior. Like I've said, some people will never change simply because they don't want to. Just try to cut off these toxic people from your life if you can. They're just not worth spending time over it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to everyone

This is a cop-out be people being stubborn and unwilling to make change. In particular, I see it as an excuse over and over and over again for what today would be considered unacceptable or terrible behaviour. How many times do we hear a racist bigot say they won't change because they are set in their ways? No excuse. Doesn't make them a good person. How many times do we hear someone say they won't for instance drive safely and properly saying they are set in their ways. Big or small there is always room for self improvement. It takes a big person to recognise they need to change with the times or otherwise. It takes a small person to make excuses not to.

So true, Mickey! We have that cognitive ability more than other animals on the planet!

Bottom line is that research has shown the neuroplasticity of the brain. This means that the neural pathways CAN be changed with work & practice & repetition of the change wanted to be made. CAN & WANT are the key words here.

I am a good example of MAJOR change after 50. I finally had enough in my 33 year marriage. I bought a little farm 2100 miles away from where I lived all my life in a town where I knew no one. I also had never lived along before the age of 54.

When I left my H I was as angry as one can be (literally seeing red when I had to deal with him).

I had my degree in accounting & computer science so I knew I was capable of learning. I just had no idea how much learning, running a home by myself would take. Not only did I learn plumbing & auto & lawn tractor mechanics but best of all I learned how to really relate better to people who are now in my life after living & relating to totally dysfunctional family ALL my life. Best if all I feel at peace for the first time in my life.

Desire for change is a must or there will be none. My EX-H is still the jerk I left BUT in learning better how to interface with people functionally I was even capable of NOT reverting to my old ways when I had to go back for a court hearing last summer against him.

Our minds are capable of changing ONLY if there is the WILL TO CHANGE.

I agree with s4ndm4n2006. I believe I've gotten more flexible as I've aged. Agree with the others who said people who claim to be "set in their ways" are making excuses for themselves. Change is hard and scary for everyone.

I am scared this might be the case. I feel more and more that was as I get older. When I was a kid I couldn't understand my parents and their wishes to just sit and never do anything different. But as I get older I feel that way.

I did a little reading on plasticity in the brain and there are a lot of studies that show that plasticity reduces as we age.

Absolutely you can force it.. but, it is more difficult.

I feel like society doesn't help either. At my point in my life there are no abilities to go out and learn things and do different things. I get up.. go to work, come home. Even at work there are no opportunities for doing different things. I am valued because I know my job up and down and down and out and no one is particularly interested in me changing. Except for me.

I even feel like home forces me to do this. Ever weekend it is the same thing, I have errands that I have to do on the weekend, every weekend. There is no time to learn new things or explore new things. This severe clamping down on that makes it difficult to break out.

I have a book that I love called "do it, lets get off our butts" and it says that if you don't push your "comfort zone" it actively shrinks. I feel like that happens as we get older. It is like a cycle... we have our forced comfort zone and as that happens, it gets smaller and smaller.