Why am I bad at being social and dealing with people?

I can't figure out why I'm so bad at maintaining relationships and seemingly simple things like fixing a fight with a friend, or picking up on social cues that everyone else seems to understand. When people realize how bad I am at this, they're surprised because I'm not seen as dumb, I have a 4.3 GPA and 98th percentile test scores (still could be better in my mind, but not horrible) yet every time I get close to somebody i do something stupid or push them away by being controlling or not picking up on something social related. How can I stop this before I have to go out into the real world as an adult and end up alone forever?

Because of your high intelligence, you have asked yourself this important question and want to take measures to improve your perceived issue. Why are you bad at it? You’ll have to reflect on that. What can you do to improve your social dealings? There are great psych articles you can find on PC about how to have healthy relationships. I’ve read a lot due to my personal issues. I literally went on WikiHow and read articles like, ‘How to Have a Healthy Relationship’, and learned skills which improved my already healthy relationships and removed my deeply toxic relationships. A tough road...but a better one...

You'll find friends but maybe not the types you're describing. I'd suggest hanging out with people that you can relate with. It's nice being yourself and not having to adapt and learn how to be a different person. It's very difficult and exhausting being someone you're not.

The one thing I'll suggest would be to stay positive and don't let others see you get discouraged. Releasing negative emotions pushes people away more than not being able to know a social cue. I had friends just like you and it's nice to be able to have an intelligent conversation. If everyone acted the same it would be a very boring world. The conversations about famous social media people are quite mundane and a big waste of my time . I don't understand the obsession with following people's lives they don't know personally. But I'll give some of my time to learn the basics of what's going on in the "normal" people world even if its dumb so I can relate with employees.

Be yourself and don't worry about life after high school. College is way more fun which I hope you plan to go. I dont miss the high school drama and the teachers with the inferior personality.

Thanks for sharing your concerns

You seem to be self-aware and self-observant. I think your willingness to take responsibility (rather than blaming others for everything) and your openness in exploring avenues for change is a great first step.

Can you explore these avenues with a therapist? Until then, you can take it slow by not getting too close to someone new (but just sticking with the people you already feel safe with).

Good luck!!

I understand this completely, people are always thrown back by my lack of social skills.
I also have a high IQ but the one thing I can't learn is how to be around humans like everyone else.

How is your relationship with your parents/caregivers?

What was it like growing up in your family?

I have written about this issue before and my answer is always observe, observe, observe.

Take a look around you. Observe non verbal communication. What body language do you see and other social cues. You may have to concentrate to notice them. What is the comfort zone of people (this changes from person to person and may dictate your own interaction with them). Now, most importantly, observe how other people react to such cues and communicate back in response to others. What is successful? What is not? Are there people you look up to or consider successful socially? Are you able to model their behaviours? I really don't know the exact percentage but it is safe to say that the majority of our social and communicative behavior is non-verbal.

Do you even have something in common with these people that can maintain your interest and not push them away?

My parents are very supportive and kind, but my mom and I do argue quite a bit, and I don't talk to her about deep emotional stuff much, because it makes me uncomfortable. My dad and I both are "socially clueless" according to her and we always get called out for saying something that was maybe to honest, or insensitive, but we didn't realize it, and I feel bad about that. Though my parents are understanding and have never been overly strict or lenient...I don't think this problem stemmed from them.

There’s a dynamic going on with your mother, where you are “socially clueless” according to her. There’s some disconnect there.

Take WishfulThinker’s comment, for example: We all start picking up and learning these social cues from birth. Over time, our understanding develops, making us able to model the behavior we’ve seen. What went ‘wrong’ with that learning?

Many people who are ‘on spectrum’ describe the kind of social awkwardness and disconnect you are describing. I’m not suggesting anything, but just thought I’d touch on that.

I agree that what you have brought up here and in your other threads would be good to discuss in therapy.

Do you still have that stomach-churning fear of therapy that you mentioned?

If so, my suggestion would be to make that the first thing you tell a therapist.

"I'm terrified to be here, I don't know if I can make it back again."

It won't be the first time that any therapist has been told this.

It is then the therapist's job to make you intellectually and emotionally comfortable enough to be willing to try again the following week.

When you finds the right therapist--it will be worthwhile. You will begin to heal and grow.