I cheated and lost everything

I don't think self degradation is the way to go.

Ok you were super chatty in inappropriate ways with women, on the internet.

Certainly, with being married that's not a symbol of being a quality husband.

But slow down just a minute.

You're not her first marriage, I presume? There's a child involved that's not your biologically?

How did this Tinder discovery transpire? Pure guilt? Or did your privacy become violated? Certainly the Tinder crosses boundaries but the answer to this question paints a picture of what's going on in the marriage. What led you astray, so soon?

Relaying her marital details in running to her parents at every corner is most curious, while you are without anyone actively giving you moral support in your corner.

Is there a lot of push and pull in your marriage?

Why is your self esteem so low? Why are you as insecure to paint her in your mind like she's beyond any flaw? That she couldn't sort this out with you first as adult to adult and not scream marriage counseling first is curious. Is it not?

I tend to agree with Divine. If I caught my soon to be husband talking to women on Tinder, it would be over for me.

The problem here is that trust has been violated. It doesn’t matter sometimes whether no sex was involved. What does matter is the violation and the breach of trust. When that’s been broken, it doesn’t always come back. Some people can salvage a relationship, but the trust factor will most likely be a problem. If it were me, I’d always be looking over my shoulder.

Couples therapy is not always the answer. His wife may want to divorce and that’s her choice. He broke the trust. We cannot assume that no sexual conversations occurred. I don’t believe the OP has disclosed the nature of these conversations or how far they went.

Perhaps it’s cultural that she relies on her family for support. Perhaps she’s just very close with them. I am very close with my own family; they know of most everything that happens in my life.Perhaps they didn’t need to be involved in the confrontation, but maybe she needed her family beside her. I don’t fault his wife for talking to her family about their issues.

What I do wonder is why did he talk to other women on Tinder and what was at the bottom of doing so? To the OP I ask that question. Perhaps it’s something you can’t answer but it may be good to understand why.

I had no sexual conversations with anyone. I talked to one person and it was literally hey what’s up, what are you doing etc. then I ignored their messages. Not saying what I did was right but I didn’t have sexually explicit conversations. As I’ve said I don’t know exactly why I did what I did. Perhaps boredom, loneliness i have no friends I talk to my wife and grandmother and that’s it. I don’t know if those are the reasons I did it im just speculating but the reason doesn’t matter because a reason is an excuse and I won’t make excuses for what I did.

I was very upset when I created this thread and didn’t proof read it. I’m posting from a cellphone. I had multiple “matches” but only communicated with one person because she initiated the conversation. I probably would have talked to others if they messaged me to be honest when it was all happening in the moment.

I also appreciate that you are owning up to your actions. That’s a good thing. I guess you can’t expect your wife to want to work things out. Even if my husband to be non-sexually talked to one woman, if he created a dating profile on a dating site, I’d have a very hard time trusting his true intentions and a hard time trusting him. It sucks and is truly unfortunate for both of you.

So what’s the plan now?

question..is your daughter from another relationship? so your wife is a second one? so what was the cause of the end of the 1st relationship that caused the end of the one with the mother of your daughter?

(I could be wrong if I am reading more in to this & I apologize)

but if there is a history of cheating etc..then there is more in this story

the mother of my child and I were never married. We had her when I was 18 and she was 17. It was an absolutely horrible relationship. She was a compulsive liar and cheater. I wasn’t innocent either but she was and still is horrible but that’s a different story.

You've been through a lot in your life, Tallen. It must have been very challenging to have a baby at such a young age; particularly with a difficult partner. Sounds like you are a survivor! I hope there are happier and more peaceful times in the future for you, your wife, and your daughter