How would you handle a partner who is always cancelling?

Amethyst_Stargazer · Mar 10, 2019 at 07:58 PM

I hope things end up working out for you. Keep us updated on how things go when you talk with him again. Can understand you being hurt how he keeps canceling plans. Just make sure to have a talk with him if he continues to do so. Hope things work out!

Quarter life · 08:56 PM

I would make your own plans...and squeeze him in when & if you can. Becoming overly available may put pressure on him, and can become tiring. Filling your time with your own interests will cause him to seek out time with you.

s4ndm4n2006 · Mar 11, 2019 at 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gymgirl71

Let me clatify first...we have a designated day together which he never cancels. But, he will mention seeing me on another day which could be later that day or the following. The past two weeks he has cancelled on me. First time I understood, second time I felt it was lousy, but we made tentative plans where I told him if he wants to hang later, let me know. This isn’t his norm..ever since he started new job a month ago, his time has been limited so I’ve noticed he is more inclined to cancel if he wasn’t up to having company or going out. I get that, but if you make definite plans, keep them. Now, we have plans tomorrow and I’m trying not to be negative, but if he cancels again I need to really have a serious talk and let him know this behavior is not ok without over reacting. Right now, we only see eachother once a week because his new job is very demanding. His last job was more flexible, so sleeping over on a work night worked. We are planning on seeing eachother more often soon which he brought up..he’s just adjusting to his new lifestyle.

you've answered your questions in two parts: first off you know the reasons for his change in lifestyle and that this is likely the cause of the reasons he is more willing to cancel

second you've found something that is not meshing, value wise between your friend and you. He does not think it as critical to stick to "plans" made all the time and that's no more or less right or wrong than your strict thinking that if you make a plan you stick to it no matter what. For me, your way of thinking would be far too rigid, though I am not saying it's wrong it's just the way you are.

Instead of viewing things as if your friend is entirely in the wrong and in a way offending you, why not see the fact that you view plans for meetings differently. He's more casual and laid back about plans and you are rigid. From this perspective perhaps you can approach him in a way that lets him know that you are a strict person with such things, without making him feel like he's "letting you down" and you'll be able to come up with a compromise that benefits both.

Kmilla · Mar 11, 2019 at 07:58 PM

Let him know NICELY that youre sick of it. Dont attack, just say calmly i want you to make me a priority. And spoil him daily to know hes one as well. Much luck to you.

Moose72 · May 05, 2019 at 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

He doesn’t strike me as very commited to this relationship or being very interested. And maybe in addition to it there is some other issue at play. The only man I’ve ever been with who would cancel on occasion when we first started dating had a substance abuse problem. Let’s say if you plan a date at 7pm but he is already wasted by 6pm then he would inevitably cancel. Needless to say I didn’t stick around. So is it possible he drinks when he can’t meet you?

I’d say if he wants to see you, he would (unless he has drinking problem) . Otherwise it’s one sided. You want to see him but he avoids it

Overall I’d show more respect for myself and don’t commit to dates that are “tentative”. Two grown adults should have very concrete plans.

I’d not keep dating him under these circumstances or date more than one person. If he is not the one, then why limit yourself? I am not saying sleep around, but just date. I’d also not be intimate with this guy.

I hope you aren’t intimate. If he has no time for dating and shows lack of respect for you by cancelling, I’d not sleep with him. I’d feel like I am just a convenience for him.

You can do better than this guy

I agree with divine1966. It appears he's just not that into you. He'd be going out of his way to call and see you if he were.

divine1966 · May 06, 2019 at 03:08 AM

Moose, this so called relationship is over. And I was correct, in addition to not being into her he has a drinking problem and is wasted daily. So she is luckily not wasting time on him anymore, although it was not dating in a classic sense like doing stuff getting to know each other. She just visited him weekly and stayed the night and he got wasted. So she certainly doesn’t need this kind of relationship and this kind of man in her life.

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Amethyst_Stargazer Member Member Since Oct 2016 Location: Florida USA Posts: 365 7 56 hugs given	Mar 10, 2019 at 07:58 PM #21 I hope things end up working out for you. Keep us updated on how things go when you talk with him again. Can understand you being hurt how he keeps canceling plans. Just make sure to have a talk with him if he continues to do so. Hope things work out!
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Kmilla New Member Member Since Mar 2019 Location: Monett Posts: 6 5	Mar 11, 2019 at 07:58 PM #24 Let him know NICELY that youre sick of it. Dont attack, just say calmly i want you to make me a priority. And spoil him daily to know hes one as well. Much luck to you.
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