Am I really that old fashioned?

saidso · Mar 12, 2019 at 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Yes I hate to admit I actually did this too as a teenager which is why I’m thankful for her honesty, and told her as much. I just hope she doesn’t take this as a lesson that next time she won’t tell me there are parents there and no boys.

Perhaps you need to ask her how she feels about respecting her body sexually, and tell her what you went through at 15 lying to your parents, and open up all the communications so if she feels unsure or pressured by anyone, she already has some answers of her own up her sleeve?

healingme4me · Mar 12, 2019 at 08:14 PM

I once forbade my son from staying over his cousin's one weekend. I forget specifically what was taking place but though adults were going to be there, I knew it wasn't a time nor place for him to be over there, they would have been unattended. I spoke it over with my ex husband-whose family it is and he agreed.

Typically it's not an issue but there's limits. Unattended teens is one of those limits.

Well done, Crazy Hitch.

healingme4me · Mar 12, 2019 at 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Okay well wow that’s not what went through my mind but I see what you’re saying. I think if I said no altogether there would be a lot of resentment on her behalf. IF she consumed any alcohol there I reckon I’d pick it up straight away in the car. I’d either smell it or her behaviour would be off. She’s never had alcohol before - I’m pretty certain of that. Plus she’s got her mobile and I’m 5 minutes from her friends house.

I think it's fair to show trust but setting a time limit at the same time. My son succumbs to the whole Straight Edge mentality(dry, sober, drug free) and idolizes celebs that do the same. So, I trust him, in that regard. It's trust built over time and by him freely talking-no prodding, no interrogation, not said because it's what he wants me to hear or expects I want to hear. Even so, lots can happen with minors unattended for such lengths of time. What if something really bad occurred. Where's the adults?
Then if something bad did happen and knowlingly you allowed her there, then where does that leave you?
There's other sleepovers for sure.

~Christina · Mar 12, 2019 at 09:25 PM

Your not a bad mom you are being a responsible adult.

Co Ed sleep over ??? Ummmm No

Yes kids will be kids and we aren’t stupid but why allow this to happen with parental knowledge???

Let her 15 year old self get mad, she will get over it.

Your being a good mom , you care

Crazy Hitch · Mar 12, 2019 at 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saidso

Perhaps you need to ask her how she feels about respecting her body sexually, and tell her what you went through at 15 lying to your parents, and open up all the communications so if she feels unsure or pressured by anyone, she already has some answers of her own up her sleeve?

My reference to when I was a teenager is the fact that I did tell white lies to my parents about whose place I was staying at. *sigh*

Crazy Hitch · Mar 12, 2019 at 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I once forbade my son from staying over his cousin's one weekend. I forget specifically what was taking place but though adults were going to be there, I knew it wasn't a time nor place for him to be over there, they would have been unattended. I spoke it over with my ex husband-whose family it is and he agreed.

Typically it's not an issue but there's limits. Unattended teens is one of those limits.

Well done, Crazy Hitch.

Agreed. Unattended teens is just asking for trouble!

Crazy Hitch · Mar 12, 2019 at 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Your not a bad mom you are being a responsible adult.

Co Ed sleep over ??? Ummmm No

Yes kids will be kids and we aren’t stupid but why allow this to happen with parental knowledge???

Let her 15 year old self get mad, she will get over it.

Your being a good mom , you care

I know she will not understand my point of view right now, but hopefully in time (even when she's a parent one day lol) she will see where I'm coming from.

TishaBuv · Mar 13, 2019 at 07:33 AM

This thread got me thinking about my teen experience. If my friends and I had proper parenting, we would have used better judgment about what we did. Had some role model discussed with me self esteem and healthy relationships, I would have acted like you’d want your child to act as a parent.

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~Christina Legendary Wise Elder Community Liaison Member Since Jul 2011 Location: Tennessee Posts: 22,450 (SuperPoster!) 12 12.7k hugs given	Mar 12, 2019 at 09:25 PM #24 Your not a bad mom you are being a responsible adult. Co Ed sleep over ??? Ummmm No Yes kids will be kids and we aren’t stupid but why allow this to happen with parental knowledge??? Let her 15 year old self get mad, she will get over it. Your being a good mom , you care __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
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