I'm sick and tired of being treated like garbage by everyone.

That is exactly what is expected of me. As long as you all demand the impossible from me under threat of murder, I will demand the same of you. If I don't, how will you all ever learn it's bad?

I don't have to know you the "individual" - you the "individual" don't really exist in the informational sense. You are a member of a societal gestalt, inseparable from your fellow members. Everything you think, everything you are comes from them. You are your social group; it is meaningless to refer to you separate from them.

The fact that I don't belong to (and am constantly rejected from) any group gestalt is precisely why I'm so demonized - to those in a gestalt, I am something impossible; a monster in the flesh.

I am safe to assume they side with my abusers because there has provably been no one who doesn't side with my abusers since grade school. When I turned 18, I could prove beyond doubt the status of each individual person I've ever encountered, and they ALL were against me. That many people cannot be that united without some superior power forcing them to be that way. That's where I discovered the above, and that's why I can assume all future people I encounter will hate me just like all people in my past have. Your behavior cannot deviate from this rail - you all must act this way. Any suggestion otherwise is simply a lie. How else can you explain how no one who was there and did know about my abuse dissented to it?

One link is dead; the other has information I already know.

Sorry but I have to respectfully disagree with you here. I think you are assuming too much. I am NOT inseparable from fellow members of some social gestalt. I can understand that YES that can happen with human beings given human nature but not ALL people are blind followers.

Human beings are slow developers in many ways, very maleable and impressionable. We are by design drawn to grouping together in that by doing so we have managed to survive despite our human frailties and vulnerabilites.

so from what you wrote here it us impossible for you to think logically?

This has nothing to do with "blind following" (though it sure helps if that's a factor too) - it has to do with your sources of information. Most everything inside your mind came from some other person; your own contribution is dwarfed by the contributions of others - you are, mentally, more the people around you than you are you. Unless you've been outcast and abandoned, in which case you lack everything people insist you have before they let you into their group. This is why no group will accept me now; I couldn't gain access to a social group early enough, so all future social groups will refuse me.

You are also very stubborn, refusing entry to people no matter what they offer you or how much their help can prevent you being harmed by a third party. You also by design reject those not already in your social groups; in tribal days this was the only defense against sociopaths.

What? That was in response to:
You people do expect me to do the impossible - and you'll demand I do it under threat of violence.

You do not think logically - all you are are powder-kegs of rage that can go off for no reason. I can't be around any of you precisely because anything or nothing can set you off.

Can I say if your being physically assaulted any type of way, then you should call the police after your safely away and take legal action. As for verbal abuse, everyone gets verbally abused at some point in their life, no it doesn't make it right, but having a thick skin does help. I literally words don't hurt you, but we know they can and will if we think about what was said. Try your best not think about what people tell you and if you know someone is lying and you have proof/evidence call them out on it. Other than that I don't have any more advice

uummm....TheUrOther, when I have judged you? How do I fit into that paradigm?

Sorry for the mini hijack, but OMGosh!! That perspective was what I needed tonight. Thank you!

OK, back to the thread...

If you think that the police or the legal system is going to help in any way, you are naive - even the best police are still human, and they'll look the other way as I get beaten up. The worst ones are the same people who terrorized me as a child, and are actively extorting me. Lawyers, etc. won't touch me with a ten-foot pole.

I have developed the thickest skin for verbal abuse, but every word conveys a promise to action. I am denied jobs because of people's bigotry against me. I can only shop in big stores with self-checkout because small stores refuse to sell to me. I am rejected by society in every way. It's all I can do to keep a roof over my head and food on my table. Anything beyond that is impossible because people go out of their way to make it impossible.

Every rebuttal is a judgement! Every post you make against me is a wagging finger in my face telling me I'M WRONG!!! and full-on slapping me in the head. Every interaction is a judgement - that is your purpose for interacting with me! If you weren't condemning me, you woudln't bother to speak to me at all!

TheUrOther , I hope you the best.

I am not perfect, I have flaws and wiring that I've been trying to work on for a while now. I'll probably always find something to pick away... at myself or others. Though I try to work on that.

I haven't read your whole thread either... but enough to expect to be picked apart and attacked. (That's "ok", it may trigger but I am used to it & I will get over it).

But I wanted to share something-
My last T I opened up and explained one of many "train of thoughts" that comes in, especially if I'm depressed... that thought and belief is that all humans are are bad.. our society doesnt really care... sure, society may have some that are kind and at times are nice, but the deep roots and primal instincts that come about.... because, let's face it humans can be vile creatures...


I can get tunnel vision with this, and also those thoughts that every one is against me.. heck, not too long ago I believed people wanted me hurt myself... because of their maladaptive behaviours that they dont seem to see or care of ( and worse these people around see it and agree, but they never address the issue.. not like I have tried).

Last T mentioned a few things that have stuck with me:
that the world isn't perfect, humans have flaws but there are people that try and do try to make the world better, even if they aren't perfect.

And- with my past traumas, it makes sense on how and why I get to viewing the world this way... while not 100% distorted thoughts, the thoughts at times are "absolutes " -- which I am one, on a "good day" doesn't believe in absolutes.
It is hard to think logically as others say, because MY logic makes sense. .. and yet, yes that logic in those times are due to imprinting from others.

There will probably be some "evil" in the world, but my own personal beliefs is we have a choice ourselves of what we can do.

I can let the anger hold my heart down and make it heavy or i can attempt to make the world a slightly better place by working on my issues and self...
It's unjust to be continually abused and it can feel like a trap... but this is why One may reach out in many ways... some to therapy, some to drugs, some to bigger wars, some to volunteering, some continue on with their same cycles without thought.

I've had plenty of people not like me due to whatever it is... and I realize this may sound crude to some but in many cases it says more on their struggles than me.
Other times, sure I can see why they may have had a problem with me... and yes the cop out- I'm human with flaws... but so is everyone else. At least I'll attempt to mend with trying to come together again, but that's a two way street. At the very least I'll attempt to self evaluate and where can I grow if I can think that far.
Each of us have our own struggles, every human.

I've had to leave environments due to the severe maladaptive ways, this was my own family.. many people do, and many people don't. Baggage is carried either way... and some unpack and some don't.

Boundaries are something I still work on but have been better with- if they can't be respected- I respect myself enough to walk away...

Kill or be killed environments get tiring and wearing... but I hope that one day you find your way ... to either have order and balance, or to leave and make your own as best as you can.

"A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market." Charles Lamb
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da7StUzVh3s

I just want to say these things:

First, there is no "my logic" or "others' logic"; there is simply logic, independent of all human begins, and that's what makes it beautiful.

Second, the problem is that people are fanatical about working hard to nullify the effects of any choices I make. Regardless of what choice I make, there is at least a small group of people (not necessarily working together) to make sure nothing from that choice comes to fruition. They may not even realize I exist yet the effects of their actions still work and they still erase all of my hard effort. This is true for every choice I've made. There is no way to choose "correctly" because people make it the wrong choice as soon as I choose it, if it wasn't already. They will literally ruin their own lives to make sure they have an impact on mine.

Finally, other people don't work on their flaws the way we do. That's the major problem. They have no incentive to work on their flaws and prevent themselves from harming us with them because it is so much easier to simply force us to pay for their mistakes. That's my life in a nutshell - human being screws up, injures me in the process, then beats me until I clean up their mess. They would never treat anyone else like this.

I hope I did not trigger you too badly.

Sorry, this thread is being closed for administrative review.