Husband feels like my son and I are mostly the problem because of our mental illness - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 03-13-2019, 04:16 PM #1
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Default Still Struggling ....

Just writing on the "bathroom wall" then erasing the graffeti helped.

Last edited by Anonymous55879; 03-13-2019 at 06:19 PM.
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Old 03-13-2019, 06:47 PM #2
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Default Re: Husband feels like my son and I are mostly the problem because of our mental illn

Always helpful to have a big eraser.
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Old 03-14-2019, 03:42 AM #3
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Default Re: Husband feels like my son and I are mostly the problem because of our mental illn

I am sorry for this, what does he do or say?
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Old 03-14-2019, 05:31 AM #4
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Default Re: Husband feels like my son and I are mostly the problem because of our mental illn

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Originally Posted by Nowinners View Post
Just writing on the "bathroom wall" then erasing the graffeti helped.
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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I am sorry for this, what does he do or say?
Sarahsweets, I appreciate all the feedback you give on PC; lots of great observations and advice.

When I am really struggling, I overshare on here about my H and son, so I am trying not to do as much of that anymore and have improved but still have a ways to go.

Yesterday was one of those days where I felt anxious and depressed. On those days, I vacilate between my kids are struggling because of my mental illness (and I am lucky that my H hasn't left me/supports me) verses my H caused the problems (not wanting to be specific) and I am just as guilty because I wasn't brave enough to leave. The way my mind jumps from one conclusion to the other--literally makes me feel like I am going mad. I feel a little better this morning and my H's hug and supportive words meant the world to me this morning. I am glad I erased the graffeti!
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Old 03-14-2019, 07:57 AM #5
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Default Husband feels like my son and I are mostly the problem because of our mental illness

Iím glad youíre feeling better. Itís not fair to place all the blame on one person but we all get fed up and say things we really donít mean.

If you canít share your feelings here, where do you go to talk? I feel like I over share too...
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Old 03-14-2019, 08:11 AM #6
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Default Re: Husband feels like my son and I are mostly the problem because of our mental illn

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Iím glad youíre feeling better. Itís not fair to place all the blame on one person but we all get fed up and say things we really donít mean.

If you canít share your feelings here, where do you go to talk? I feel like I over share too...
When my husband got home, I told him exactly how I was feeling about him. Mostly, he eventually talked some sense into me. Though there is still an area of disagreement but I am going to keep that between us. My T (don't go much but I still practice some of what I learned) did encourage me to not be afraid to express my feelings and have better boundaries and I have made progress in these areas. I also PM'd a friend on PC--I feel like that is more private. Feel free to PM me anytime.
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Old 03-14-2019, 09:01 AM #7
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Default Re: Husband feels like my son and I are mostly the problem because of our mental illn

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Originally Posted by Nowinners View Post
When my husband got home, I told him exactly how I was feeling about him. Mostly, he eventually talked some sense into me. Though there is still an area of disagreement but I am going to keep that between us. My T (don't go much but I still practice some of what I learned) did encourage me to not be afraid to express my feelings and have better boundaries and I have made progress in these areas. I also PM'd a friend on PC--I feel like that is more private. Feel free to PM me anytime.


Communication is always the key. Feel free to PM me as well. My counselor did not work out but maybe I can eventually find one that I can connect with.
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Old 03-14-2019, 11:07 AM #8
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Default Re: Husband feels like my son and I are mostly the problem because of our mental illn

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, Nowinners! Sometimes venting can be really helpful, even if we don't really believe the things we're saying. Feel free to PM me anytime as well. I'll always be here for you. Sending many hugs to you, Nowinners. You're a strong, wonderful person
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Old 03-14-2019, 12:49 PM #9
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Default Re: Husband feels like my son and I are mostly the problem because of our mental illn

Great you are feeling better about the situation; yet, I think it still would be prudent to be taking some action on this. Be proactive.

Support groups are great for all sides on the matter. Many communities have support groups for just this sort of thing; meetings for family and support persons of those with mood disorders or other mental health concerns. Also, it could be good for you and your son to attend your own. Some of these groups will welcome the attendance of a support person. The group in another city I lived in did so and I could tell it was of great benefit for it changed the perspective of the loved one by seeing that there are people who have been having a success at some level of recovery and living with their illness. So too I would check with your community mental health organisations for resources available for your husband. He need not feel alone dealing with this. He need not be alone in not completely understanding this either.
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Old 03-17-2019, 05:34 AM #10
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Default Re: Husband feels like my son and I are mostly the problem because of our mental illn

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nowinners View Post
Sarahsweets, I appreciate all the feedback you give on PC; lots of great observations and advice.

When I am really struggling, I overshare on here about my H and son, so I am trying not to do as much of that anymore and have improved but still have a ways to go.

Yesterday was one of those days where I felt anxious and depressed. On those days, I vacilate between my kids are struggling because of my mental illness (and I am lucky that my H hasn't left me/supports me) verses my H caused the problems (not wanting to be specific) and I am just as guilty because I wasn't brave enough to leave. The way my mind jumps from one conclusion to the other--literally makes me feel like I am going mad. I feel a little better this morning and my H's hug and supportive words meant the world to me this morning. I am glad I erased the graffeti!
I'm sorry you're struggling and it is hard for me to give you feedback without any context but I do think you are being hard on yourself. I have never been one to support self blame or anything of the sort when it comes to mental illness .I don't think you should look at yourself as ďlucky ďthat your husband hasn't left you over your mental illness. When we marry people we marry partners; partners that promise to support us through thick and thin. Your husband didn't marry you on the condition of you remaining perfect did he ?

Looking at things from that perspective it is easy to think that you are a failure or at least internalize that you are a failure. But I do not believe that is the case. I believe that you are very introspective to be thinking about things this way.It's important to take care of yourself. That means beyond pleasing others or making sure everybody else is OK. Taking care of yourself can be something as simple as getting proper sleep to something as elaborate as getting therapy. Whatever works for you. Just as long as you don't forget your self and pull yourself out of the equation.
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