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Old 03-16-2019, 09:11 AM   #1
TrishaMorris38
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Hi Everyone. I am brand new member to this website but I join mainly because I need some serious help with a close friendship I am trying to deal with right now.

Now I will start of saying right now I am living at this place called Gateway Homes which is a place you get to learn the skills you need to live on your own. So there is this staff member. I am super close to her actually attach to her for some reason. I look forward to seeing her everyday. Now the issue is right now I got angry with her the other night I said some things I shouldn't have said. Like I threaten her that I was going to go to her supervisor tell her that she isn't respecting me as a client. I also have this very bad habit I will call and text her nonstop everyday. I am trying to stop but it is really hard. Last weekend she threaten me saying she was at the police station and she was going to turn me for harassment if I didn't stop. Now I didn't get angry when she said that to me I just let it go. Now right now she refuse to speak to me she never wants to hear from me again. I have been crying nonstop. I have try to talk to her I did tell her look now you did it to me first I didn't get angry since I did it back to you by accident you have no place to be angry. She still refuse to speak to me. All she saids to me Trisha please just leave me alone. I just dunno what to do in this situation does anyone have good advice or ideas how I can fix this friendship make it better for both of us?



Last edited by bluekoi; 03-17-2019 at 07:19 PM.. Reason: Change color.
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Old 03-17-2019, 08:05 PM   #2
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Hello TrishaMorris: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I noticed this is your first post here. So... welcome to Psych Central.

You mentioned you're living in a place where you learn the skills you need in order to live on your own. And the person you're concerned with is a staff member at this facility. Based on what you wrote, it doesn't sound to me as though this staff person is handling this situation well. But then I know, from personal experience, these kinds of situations can be difficult to manage.

What occurs to me is that the best way to proceed may be for you & the staff member you're concerned about to work out your differences with the help of a third party, probably another staff member at Gateway Homes. If there is a counselor or social worker or someone such as that who could sit down with you & the staff member you're concerned with, perhaps for several sessions, you could talk through your concerns, the staff member you're concerned with could talk through her concerns, & (hopefully) both of you could come to understand the other's perspective & figure out a way to work together to whatever extent is possible. It could be a valuable learning experience for both of you!

The other thing that needs to be said here, though, is that since this person you're concerned about is a staff member at Gateway Homes, she is not... cannot be... your friend. She is a Gateway Homes employee (I presume) who's being paid to provide Gateway Homes' residents with whatever services it is she's been hired to provide. You may like her. You may appreciate what she has done for you. And she may like you as well (or at least she perhaps did before all of this came up.) But she cannot be your friend. And one of the important things you need to come to realize, in this situation, is that this is in fact the case. This person cannot be your friend. Does that make sense?

Anyway, with all of that said, I hope you will be able to work through this difficult situation & get on with the business of learning what you need to learn in order to live on your own. That's really the goal here. And I hope you find being here on PC to be of benefit.

P.S. I noticed you have your address, phone numbers, & e-mail address listed at the bottom of your post. You should be aware that the forums, here on PC, are searchable by anyone & everyone on the internet. I would strongly encourage you to remove this information from this as well as any other posts you might create here on PC I will be bringing this to the attention of the moderators of the relationships forum. So, hopefully they will remove this information from this particular post.
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Old 03-18-2019, 01:41 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrishaMorris38 View Post
Hi Everyone. I am brand new member to this website but I join mainly because I need some serious help with a close friendship I am trying to deal with right now.
Now I will start of saying right now I am living at this place called Gateway Homes which is a place you get to learn the skills you need to live on your own. So there is this staff member. I am super close to her actually attach to her for some reason. I look forward to seeing her everyday. Now the issue is right now I got angry with her the other night I said some things I shouldn't have said. Like I threaten her that I was going to go to her supervisor tell her that she isn't respecting me as a client. I also have this very bad habit I will call and text her nonstop everyday. I am trying to stop but it is really hard
What was it that you got angry about? Was it anything that she did or was it a misunderstanding? How is it that you have her cell phone number? Is it because you guys were close friends or is it an issue where she has a staff member wanted you to be able to reach her in an emergency?What were you going to go to her supervisor about? Did she do something as far as being an employee that was inappropriate? Or was that your way of lashing out?
Quote:

. Last weekend she threaten me saying she was at the police station and she was going to turn me for harassment if I didn't stop. Now I didn't get angry when she said that to me I just let it go. Now right now she refuse to speak to me she never wants to hear from me again. I have been crying nonstop. I have try to talk to her I did tell her look now you did it to me first I didn't get angry since I did it back to you by accident you have no place to be angry
Prior to going to the police station had she asked you to stop contacting her? If she did and you continue to contact her I think she may have a right to go to the police station at least to get the harassment to stop. I'm not trying to say that you were harassing her I'm just looking at it from her point of View. Do you think her not speaking to you is a way to avoid conflict? Because if it is it sounds like a reasonable thing to do unless she is doing it to be mean to you.
Quote:
. She still refuse to speak to me. All she saids to me Trisha please just leave me alone. I just dunno what to do in this situation does anyone have good advice or ideas how I can fix this friendship make it better for both of us?


I agree with the other poster who said you can't be friends. You just can't if she is an employee of where it is that you live. She is hired to provide something for you and other residents, and is paid to do it. It is inappropriate to be friends with you and it is not fair to you because of situations exactly like this. You had a falling out and this is what happens with these types of relationships. I'm not sure what you can do about the situation but I do not think continuing to contact her is the way to handle it. I'm not sure how you should handle it but I do think it's important that you talk to a counselor or another staff member to help you not contact her. I do not think she needs to get reported or in trouble from her supervisor I just think you need to find a way to Move on and she needs to find a way to continue doing her job.
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Old 03-18-2019, 07:19 AM   #4
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I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, TrishaMorris38 I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. You've been given some great advice on this thread. I'd suggest to follow it if you can. Unfortunately it seems like things have escalated between you two. I'd suggest not to contact her for a while, otherwise she may get even angrier at you. Unfortunately, like the others have already said, she can't be your friend. She's there to help people and I don't think she's allowed to get too confident with any of the people she's providing support to. Try not to take it too personally. It's not your fault. It's just how it works. From what you wrote, it seems like you may have some attachment issue you may want to work on. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. Please don't give up. I'd suggest to find another staff member that you can reach out to and work on yourself to work through this issues. I hope things will get better soon for you. Perhaps things will get better with that other staff member if she sees that you're starting to work on yourself. Try not to think too much about it, though. I agree that she wasn't really that professional in her behavior. Perhaps you should just look for someone else, but remember that they can't really be your friends, even if they like you. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, TrishaMorris38. Please don't give up. You're a strong, wonderful person
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