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Old 03-23-2019, 09:41 AM #11
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Default Re: When a friend allows someone to cheat

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Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
She's not "allowing him to cheat" on his girlfriend, she is involved in the cheating therefore isn't just letting it happen but is an active partner in it. Allowing someone to cheat to me is saying you know someone that is cheating on his gf/bf with someone else.


so to answer this:



She's not only just as bad but she is one of the cheaters.
Yeah I totally agree with you.
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Old 03-23-2019, 09:43 AM #12
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Default Re: When a friend allows someone to cheat

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Originally Posted by starryprince View Post
Also, have you considered the fact that they might be in an open relationship? Maybe they discussed things and that's what they agreed upon, and maybe your friend is keeping that to herself. Either way, it might be a good idea to step back and let them handle this.
Oh I'm not getting involved and they are not in a relationship. I think you may have misread my post. They aren't in a relationship. She admitted to me that she does it with him just out of boredom and satisfaction needs. The guy she does it with is cheating on his girlfriend, who is completely different. And I never ask my friend about it. She just admits to it.
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Old 03-23-2019, 09:45 AM #13
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Default Re: When a friend allows someone to cheat

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I have to agree with Sarahsweets here. My first thought was, "You don't allow someone to cheat." Everyone has free will to do what they want and her boyfriend is choosing to cheat. He could have ended the relationship or talk things out but he chooses to cheat. This is not your friend's fault. Even if a partner is treating another one poorly or being hot and cold, that's no excuse for cheating. Put the blame where it belongs: on your friend's boyfriend.

However, that is their business. I've learned that it's not too helpful to get involved in friends' romantic relationships. It gets very messy. Unless the relationship is downright horrible or abusive, then I'll get involved. But this just sounds like two people who need to communicate but are both choosing to run away from the problem.

I would focus more on your friendship with her and what you want to do regarding it. Do you want to set boundaries? Do you want to distance yourself from her? Do you want to communicate?

I wish you all the best.
I know what you mean. And like I said, I am not purposely trying to get involved. She just admits to doing stuff like that. And I do stay out of it, I just find it weird that some people are willing to do stuff like that.
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Old 03-23-2019, 09:48 AM #14
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Default Re: When a friend allows someone to cheat

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post

She is not allowing him to cheat on his girlfriend. He is choosing to cheat and she is a willing party to that act by cheating with him.
You keep saying” allowing him to cheat”. Again he is choosing to do it himself. She is a willing participant and honestly they are both adults they have bad scruples or morals but they are both adults.I would be more concerned with the fact that she is lying to you, her friend. If you guys are friends she shouldn't be lying to you. She should just say nothing if she wishes to continue the behavior but certainly doing it and lying about it is a problem between you and her.No disrespect meant but usually when people hypothetically talk about whether they do or they don't have some feelings for someone, or whether they could or could not date somebody, that usually means that beneath the surface they do actually have feelings for that person

Going back-and-forth between admitting you were wrong and doing the problem behavior anyway just means you are wrong but talking about it and thinking about it makes you feel better about what it is that you are doing wrong. And has nothing at all to do with mental health if that's what you mean by underlying issues. People with a mental illness are not more prone to cheating.

Again you keep saying “allowing him to cheat.”He is choosing to do this of his own accord and nothing she says or does has anything to do with his decision. I'm not quite sure why you are so concerned about her morals concerning this issue it seems to me you should be more concerned about why she lies to you. You can’t call her a friend if she lies to you. And by your logic you are also a party to this situation by still remaining friends with her knowing she is jeopardizing someone else’s relationship.
As I mentioned to other posts here, I think you may have accidentally misread my thread. She isn't in a relationship with him. The guy she does things with is in a relationship with a completely different girl. My friend just admits to doing stuff like that. I never get involved on purpose or try to intervene, however once when she admitted it I urged her to reconsider doing that stuff. However that decision is hers to decide since I am not her boss. She admits to only doing it out of boredom and satisfaction needs and I just find it very bizarre that people are willing to do stuff like that.
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Old 03-23-2019, 09:50 AM #15
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Default Re: When a friend allows someone to cheat

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Originally Posted by Ohseedee View Post
I have noticed you often post about other people's behaviours and your perceptions of them. Merely an observation after being a member on and off over the years.

Do you find this affects your mood or well-being at all? I personally would lose my mind if I focused on what other people were doing all the time. I often just have to ignore some stuff that people do because it stresses me out and it's not really my business, you know?
I get what you mean. I just don't understand why some people do the things they do and since I've been burned a lot in the past, it makes me very cautious in how people treat me or how I see someone treating others. However this thread I wrote about, I never really had someone I am friends with admit to doing stuff like that. Like I mentioned, I never purposely get involved, she just admits to doing so, like having a guilty conscious and coming out to admit it. But yeah I get what you mean, it can affect moods and cause stress.
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Old 03-23-2019, 10:22 AM #16
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Default Re: When a friend allows someone to cheat

I feel the same, but, you cannot stop someone who is an adult, and therefore responsible for themselves. If they were ding something like selling drugs to children, then yes, do something within the law. But immoral is up to the individual. They will suffer in their own way in time.
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Old 03-23-2019, 10:42 AM #17
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Default Re: When a friend allows someone to cheat

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I feel the same, but, you cannot stop someone who is an adult, and therefore responsible for themselves. If they were ding something like selling drugs to children, then yes, do something within the law. But immoral is up to the individual. They will suffer in their own way in time.
Yeah true. I get what you mean. Those who do things that are immoral will eventually suffer the consequences somehow.
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Old 03-23-2019, 12:28 PM #18
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Default Re: When a friend allows someone to cheat

Who knows what people do and why. That guy might be not exclusive with other girl or/and in open and casual or FWB relationship. Who knows why he sleeps with your friend. Do you even know him? Unless it’s your own relationship I don’t see how you can know what’s going with that guy. I’d not worry about it.
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Old 03-23-2019, 12:53 PM #19
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Default Re: When a friend allows someone to cheat

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Who knows what people do and why. That guy might be not exclusive with other girl or/and in open and casual or FWB relationship. Who knows why he sleeps with your friend. Do you even know him? Unless it’s your own relationship I don’t see how you can know what’s going with that guy. I’d not worry about it.
Yeah I know him. And I know, they can do what they want. I just find it bizzare and just wondered if anyone had a friend that did the same kind of thing. But I know, their choice.
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Old 03-23-2019, 01:11 PM #20
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Yeah I know him. And I know, they can do what they want. I just find it bizzare and just wondered if anyone had a friend that did the same kind of thing. But I know, their choice.
Personally I am very selective with who I am friends with. So no I do not have any friends with questionable behaviors. So I think it might be wise to focus on how you go about your friendships and how you choose people to be friends with. You can’t control who people sleep with but you can control who you are friends with
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