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Old 03-17-2019, 01:38 PM   #11
Biz82
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Smile Re: Friendship isolation Adults

Thank you guys so much for your advice. I decided against going to thebirthday. It actually feels like a relief not going because I knew I’d be feeling uneasy hearing about their “hangouts” and it would only make me feel worse. We were all very close and we all did everything together, then I started noticing they slowly started pulling away. I do have other friends but I think I’m just bummed about this circle because we all went through a lot like, deaths, births, and marriages together. Thank you so much for your words of positivity and encouragement!!


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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Biz82 I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. It's a pretty strange behavior, but perhaps your theory about the remaining female is correct. How did she usually behave around you two? Has she ever expressed dislike towards you two? Perhaps this is just a natural part of friendship circles. Things can change and people can get away from each other. Perhaps the bond they have with you and the other woman is just not as strong? How was your relationship with them prior to this? Were you all very close? Either way, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. If you feel like these birthdays invitations aren't making you feel good, I'd suggest to just move on and perhaps try to find some new friends if you can. It's not easy, I know, especially if you're already married with children and you're very busy. But I believe it's not impossible. Are there any clubs you can join based on your hobbies? Any activities that you may try out? Anything that may help you to meet some new people. Remember that it's not your fault this is happening and it has nothing to do with you. There's nothing wrong with you. This kind of things can happen, sometimes for no specific reason. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong. I'm glad you're already aware of that. I hope you'll be able to find new people to share things with. I'm sure you can do this! You're a strong, wonderful person. I hope things will get better soon for you. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you, Biz82. Let us know if you decide to go to the birthday tomorrow and how it goes if you decide to go. There's nothing wrong with deciding not to go if you're feeling too anxious. Birthdays are supposed to be fun, not stressful, after all! I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this. You're a strong, wonderful person
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Old 03-18-2019, 08:36 PM   #12
ennie
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Default Re: Friendship isolation Adults

I think you made the right decision by not going to the Birthday.

It may be time to hang out with your other friends, since you want people who genuinely want to spend time with you, rather than do so out of guilt or obligation.

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Old 03-18-2019, 10:52 PM   #13
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Default Re: Friendship isolation Adults

Hello Biz82. I am sorry you feel that you have lost some previously valued friendships. That can be really tough. Ultimately, if you feel that someone (or more than one person) is pulling away from you I think it's best to let them do so. Although it's natural to question why and to want to understand, I don't think trying to figure it out will bring you peace. If I understood you correctly, you tried asking a while ago and received a nebulous response. I completely understand why you wouldn't want to go to the birthday party. I would not assume that you have done or said something wrong. Things often shift with friendships. It would be nice to know why but we often don't find out.

I say focus on the present and think of some nice plans for you and your other friends. I think you said you have friends who are not in that particular circle.

Sometimes when I am in doubt, I just tell myself that all is well in the Universe. I may not understand it but it's so much bigger than me. And it's okay.

I wish you peace and a bright future.
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Old 03-21-2019, 12:24 AM   #14
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Default Re: Friendship isolation Adults

My brain read the OP and thought of two different scenarios. One good and one bad.

Good Scenario: Your friends invite you to birthdays because they happen on the same day each year. If their "spur of the moment" claim is true, that makes sense seeing as every birthday is expected a year in advance... until someone dies lol.
Bad Scenario: Your friends only invite you to birthday events because they want the present. That's it. They do not invite you to other things on purpose, just as you feared.

I don't know you and your friends so I don't know what's going on here. Whatever it is, I hope you get to the bottom of it! Friends are very important to mental health and the "right" friends make all the difference. For instance, there seems to be some trust issues going on here and you should look into why. Like, why don't you believe them when they say events were "spur of the moment" and why does it bother you when they do things without you if you're busy with your family? The aforementioned questions aren't me attacking you, btw - just questions I wanna know if you've asked yourself.
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Old 03-21-2019, 08:05 AM   #15
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Default Re: Friendship isolation Adults

I don't have much to add to all the amazing insight posted before but I wanted to send you some healing energy and add another voice of empathy to the group <3 <3 <3 . The thing is, we won't ever for sure know why they are slow-mo rejecting you like this (which is both dishonest and extends the pain) until someone decides to share. So let's say, best case scenario, they do. We no longer include you as much because XYZ. You argue their decision. Either a) they still don't let you back in and you get more hurt or b) you get back in but you're kind of left wondering well are they going to change their minds again? Or, what if (with you in the group) they decide to ghost someone else? Is that really something you want to be a part of? Why not spend time with folks who are kind and compassionate and open instead? I know it's hard to start over, believe me but having this experience is going to help you be an amazing and inclusive friend to someone else some day and I'd hate to see that person miss out on what you have to offer <3.
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