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Old 03-23-2019, 02:30 PM #11
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

I should see this guy again on Monday...I'm still not 100% sure what to do. Even if I was dead set on him, it would be inappropriate to pursue because I am seen as female and he is male. I've had too many bad reactions when pursuing males. It's not the proper forced gender roles! But then I may never get an opportunity to date ever again so I don't know...
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Old 03-23-2019, 04:05 PM #12
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

Nothing wrong with asking guys out. Who cares about gender roles. Not like you are forcing yourself on men. If he isnít interested heíd say no, what do you have to lose
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Old 03-23-2019, 04:21 PM #13
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

And what if it comes across like I am forcing myself on him? I am quite a bit older than him. He doesn't know exactly how much but he might do the math and have a pretty good guess. I'm not sure how to approach it without being overly intimidating. I'm not sure I've really asked someone out before. Guys are usually scared off or angry about how I approach them.

About what I have to lose...if the rejection is respectful and not intentionally hurtful, just confidence. If he is cruel about it like what's happened in the past...I probably won't pursue a man again. It would do a lot of damage to me.
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Old 03-23-2019, 06:35 PM #14
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

Forcing yourself on people would be you ask him for coffee and he says no thanks and you keep harassing and stalking him. Simply asking a person isnít forcing no one. He isnít obligated to date you.

I asked men out before no big deal. One became friend for life because when we worked together 20 years ago I asked him out but we ended up mostly just hanging out. Romance wasnít really in the cards mostly on his part. Lol he was in medical school then. We hung out until he moved out of the area and weíve been in touch since then. He sometimes comes back to the area. He is 6 years younger than me. I wrote him a note with my phone number and asked him to give me a phone call. I was 33 and he was 26, I am 53 now.

The bottom line is youíd never know unless you ask. If he gets angry then you donít need him anyways. Do it in indirect way like write a note or message him on FB if you feel shy
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Old 03-23-2019, 08:15 PM #15
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

Iím too shy to add him (or anyone) on Facebook! I also have a hard time seeing how me asking him out for coffee in the first place isnít forcing myself on him. Itís funny, I can give an impromptu speech in front of a crowd no problem and otherwise perform in front of people more or less okay but Iím too shy to ask someone out or even say hi to someone I havenít talked to in a while.
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Old 03-23-2019, 08:39 PM #16
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

I understand being too shy. But forcing himself on someone means giving them no choice. Like putting them in a position to not be able to say no. Or perhaps if you approach him aggressively grabbing him or in a sexually suggestive manner. Simply starting conversation or even making suggestion is not forcing yourself on anyone.
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Old 03-23-2019, 09:43 PM #17
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

I guess it's because I was in a relationship with someone who usually felt like they had no choice in things...so I guess I feel like I'm forcing myself on someone unless they make all the moves/decisions.

I guess for his sake, I can't do anything. I'll just continue how I was by being interested and complementary. It might be for the best if I don't end up with a guy anyway.

And age-wise, he's probably 22/23 and I'm 30 which would be creepy if I pursue him at all. If he pursues me, then that saves me. It makes me at least less of a monster.
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Old 03-23-2019, 09:53 PM #18
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

How are you a monster? So what he is 23? I dated a guy 7 years younger than me before, who cares? The guy youíve been with is full of it, he had no choice in things? Only minor children or incapacitated people have little choice. He had a choice
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Old 03-23-2019, 10:18 PM #19
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

If I were a guy and he was a girl, I'd be labeled a perv.

And he does have some similarities with my ex...military background, similar hair/eye color...it's just embarrassing, I never thought this was my "type". I guess it's the type I have a chance with. Well for a date maybe...nothing long-term if he ever gets to really know me, just like I'd have no chance with any straight man long term.

I am also still embarrassed by why I became interested in him in the first place. It's even more stupid than what led me to develop feelings for my ex.
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Old 03-23-2019, 10:21 PM #20
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Default Re: Not sure what to do

You are too harsh on yourself. No itís not being a perv for 30 year old to date 23 year old. Of any gender
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