advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Anonymous49426
Guest
Anonymous49426 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 25, 2019 at 11:06 PM
  #1
I need to bounce this off someone.

I have been stress eating SO MUCH.

I am seeing someone. He's a nice guy. He is respectful. We are not in an official relationship, and it probably will not get to that point. I already posted about him once here, and got a lot of strange replies hung up on his age (there's a substantial age difference between us). I had it taken down because peoples judgmental replies stressed me out. Please do not be judgmental or presume things. If you're wondering, just ask. But I need kindness.

First I ate, because I was insecure about some things. That is better now. Now I'm eating because...I feel empty. There's something about him / us, that doesn't resonate with me. I'm not head over heels for him. It took me a while to get to this point, where I'm openly admitting this, to myself as well. It feels like there is a lacking type of connection that I feel like I need. I keep getting caught up in the fact that he's a good person, respects me, and we like each other (i.e. so I should stay). I don't know what to do. It feels lukewarm now.

I don't feel like we emotionally connect. I mean, we connect on a basic level I guess. But I don't know. I am getting fat due to all this night stress / emotional eating. I don't feel empowered. I feel...blank.

I do like him. And I have been sexually attracted to him. Sometimes I am not though.

I don't want this to be a thing I look at in absolutes (Black and white thinking / either I'm in or I'm out). I woke up this morning, and thought to myself "I still want him in my life." Usually with guys it's the opposite. I wake up and am like omg, get away from me what was I thinking.

I am also afraid to end it. Not because I'm afraid of the act of ending it (though I'm not looking forward to that). It's more because I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision, and want to change my mind, and he won't be there. I also would probably quit my class that he is in with me. It's not a big loss, to be honest, the class, though.

Please help. I have no idea what I am doing. I have not idea what to do. I might tell him I would like space for a week to think.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous55879
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky

advertisement
1claire
Member
1claire has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 86
3 yr Member
4 hugs
given
Default Apr 26, 2019 at 01:16 AM
  #2
I feel like at the end of the day it will still be your choice that will matter most. I am sorry to hear that you have been stress out with the opinion of the members of this community, maybe they are just concern.

Also, don't jump into a conclusion not just yet if you feel like he completes and makes you happy then there's nothing wrong to give it a try. We have so many what ifs the reason a supposed to be good relationship ends without any label.
1claire is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
Anonymous55879
Guest
Anonymous55879 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 26, 2019 at 02:45 AM
  #3
I am sorry you are in a situation where you see him regularly (can't avoid him unless you drop your class). Having time away from someone (I suggest more than a week), can put your feelings in perspective. Obsession has a "chemical" component, like an OCD habit. Perhaps you "know" it isn't right but are just caught up in it because you have few other relationships? When you complete your class, I think that then you could really get the space you need to help you stop obsessing. Sometimes we can get in these loops about certain people in our mind and much of it is simply all in our mind. If that makes sense? I am speaking from personal experience so it might not apply. I hope it helps. If not then here's some hugs:
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous49426, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
Anonymous49426
Guest
Anonymous49426 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 26, 2019 at 03:40 AM
  #4
Hi NoWinners. I don't think I'm obsessing. It took me until recently to even be able to admit it was bothering me. Also, I do have friends and a life. I have many connections with others and I felt I used to have a rich life that was beginning to have meaning. I think this thing with him, has sort of sapped me of my own energy.

I do still want him in my life. I like him! but yeah a break may be good. I probably won't make my decision here on the forum though.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous55879, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
Anonymous55879
Guest
Anonymous55879 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 26, 2019 at 03:49 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ptak View Post
I think this thing with him, has sort of sapped me of my own energy.

I do still want him in my life. I like him! but yeah a break may be good. I probably won't make my decision here on the forum though.
I believe in never rejecting anyone. That you feel this way means that you value him in some way. I am glad you aren't obsessing but the stress eating over it must mean something (I have no ideal what though--perhaps he is triggering a past emotional situation?)
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
Anonymous49426
Guest
Anonymous49426 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 26, 2019 at 03:55 AM
  #6
Yeah. I think the stress eating is coming from not feeling emotionally connected with him. I feel,like,I'm,not getting that need met. I also have sort of a wall,up,myself due to his age.,it does feel like a finite situation. Aka, having an end to it. I think the stress eating is also coming from stuffing my emotions down and ignoring them. So I'm glad I posted I guess.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous55879, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,120 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 26, 2019 at 04:28 AM
  #7
I think you’ve identified your feelings as you like him more as a friend than lover. You are stress eating because you are trying to suppress the fact that you really don’t want this person as a romantic partner, more as a friend. It’s ok to take as much time as you need to fully come to terms with your feelings.

There was once a funny episode of Sex and the City, where Miranda was stress eating and said she needed to go to the Betty Crocker Clinic (like Betty Ford Clinic).

This person is not the only person in the world. You are not stuck with them.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, s4ndm4n2006
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 26, 2019 at 08:14 AM
  #8
This is my opinion and what I wondered: Growing up or in your other relationships did you experience abuse? Did your eating disorder start around then? Was their violence or chaos?
I used to be very overweight and was an emotional eater. I was not food addicted though. suffered abuse as a child and abuse in some relationships. My eating was always a way to subconsciously make myself "unattractive" (not the truth but it was my truth) It was my way of hoping that a person would leave me, or make the decision to break up for me and in some cases being bigger made me feel like no one would want to hurt me. I do not know if you feel that way but I wanted to share my experience. I am no longer overweight but that involved gastric bypass and 16 years of therapy and medication- not an easy process.

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous49426, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
Anonymous49426
Guest
Anonymous49426 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 26, 2019 at 09:44 AM
  #9
As far as I am aware I do not have an eating disorder. I've seen many professionals able to diagnose that type of thing. I do not and never have had an eating disorder diagnosis. My emotional eating started a few weeks ago, and I directly relate it to this situation. No, I don't think I'm trying to gain weight so he will leave me.

I'm sorry that you experienced that - violence and abuse in your childhood, as well as abuse in some of your relationships. That sounds awful. Be proud, it sounds like you've overcome a lot! You seem like you're in a good place.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, sarahsweets
Anonymous49426
Guest
Anonymous49426 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Apr 26, 2019 at 10:46 AM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I think you’ve identified your feelings as you like him more as a friend than lover. You are stress eating because you are trying to suppress the fact that you really don’t want this person as a romantic partner, more as a friend. It’s ok to take as much time as you need to fully come to terms with your feelings.

There was once a funny episode of Sex and the City, where Miranda was stress eating and said she needed to go to the Betty Crocker Clinic (like Betty Ford Clinic).

This person is not the only person in the world. You are not stuck with them.
Thank you for your words Tisha. I found them very reassuring.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
MickeyCheeky
Legendary
 
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
38.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 26, 2019 at 04:09 PM
  #11
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, Ptak! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! Perhaps you just need to take a little break away from him if this relationship is causing you so much stress! After all you're not in an "official" relationship so it shouldn't be too difficult, right? Please DO consider it as much as you can if you want to! There's NOTHING wrong with just taking some space and time for yourself! Just stay safe and take GREAT CARE of yourself, ok? You're a STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Sending many hugs to you, Ptak!
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous49426
Have Hope
Wise Elder
 
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,043 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
3,617 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 26, 2019 at 05:17 PM
  #12
If you don’t emotionally connect, you’re sometimes attracted sometimes not, there’s a finite end to the relationship because you don’t see yourself actually dating, and you’re stress eating every night, which is not healthy, why continue? Sounds like there’s some positives that keep you there but the negatives seem to outweigh the pluses. Sounds like cutting it off would be best, if not a break. Don’t quit your class because of this. You took that class for a reason right?

__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes
Have Hope is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:08 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.