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Old 03-18-2019, 01:45 PM #1
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Default Neuroticism

Hello, I'm new here and I'm searching everywhere for good advice. I'm been divorced 1 year. I have a new GF who is very neurotic. Everyday she thinks I'm going to leave her for someone better. I want to have a long future with her, but I'm afraid she will this never get better. Any advice on what I can do to make this work out for the long term would be helpful. Thanks.
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Old 03-18-2019, 07:53 PM #2
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Default Re: Neuroticism

That sounds awfully debilitating of a fear. A lack of object constancy. I'm not sure there's much that you can do, as an individual to sooth her fears-real or imagined.
There is couple's counseling, of course. But how open is she to the idea of individual counseling, even if both of you see different ones concurrently?
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Old 03-19-2019, 03:27 AM #3
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Default Re: Neuroticism

Do you know if itís just neuroticism or if there something else going on? Could it be anything like a personality disorder? Iím not saying it Has to be Iím just curious.
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Old 03-19-2019, 07:38 AM #4
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Default Re: Neuroticism

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Do you know if itís just neuroticism or if there something else going on? Could it be anything like a personality disorder? Iím not saying it Has to be Iím just curious.
I really don't know. I do love her and would like for this to work long term, but I'm looking for some advice on how others may have handled this kind of thing?
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Old 03-19-2019, 07:40 AM #5
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Default Re: Neuroticism

Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
That sounds awfully debilitating of a fear. A lack of object constancy. I'm not sure there's much that you can do, as an individual to sooth her fears-real or imagined.
There is couple's counseling, of course. But how open is she to the idea of individual counseling, even if both of you see different ones concurrently?
She would do anything I ask of her. I spend the lat 2 years in IC. I have a good understanding of psychology, I guess. I'm afraid I may be to close to the situation to see it clearly.
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Old 03-19-2019, 08:33 AM #6
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Default Re: Neuroticism

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrBrains View Post
Hello, I'm new here and I'm searching everywhere for good advice. I'm been divorced 1 year. I have a new GF who is very neurotic. Everyday she thinks I'm going to leave her for someone better. I want to have a long future with her, but I'm afraid she will this never get better. Any advice on what I can do to make this work out for the long term would be helpful. Thanks.
You've only been divorced a year and are already planning a long future with a new girlfriend. Now I understand that people are all different in getting past break ups but for the life of me, I cannot help but think it's very quick to be making decisions like that after something like a divorce. Not only because of the break up but since you've only been divorced a year you can't have been with this new girl for all that long and you're already finding reasons to try and change her.


I stand by my idea that if you go into a new relationship and are trying to find ways to fix and/or change the other, likely it's not a solid ground to begin with. Regardless of what issues they have, if they need to change in order to be the person you are content with being in a relationship with, it kind of goes against the idea that they are right for you. don't make plans for long term based on ideas that may not happen.
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Old 03-19-2019, 09:15 AM #7
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Default Re: Neuroticism

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, MrBrains I'm afraid you can't do much more other than being there for her and reminding her that you'll always love her. If she has some problems, she's the one that needs to work on it. I'd sugges to make her try therapy if she wants. Maybe that could help. She could learn new ways to cope with her feelings. Remember that you can only do so much to help her. The final decision is up to her. Just try to be near her if she needs support and try to make her get help. If she refuses to get help, then I'm afraid you'll have to seriously reconsider the relationship you have with her. I'm so sorry, it must be very stressful for you. I hope things will get better for you one way or another. I'd suggest to talk to her about this and see how it goes from there. Make her understand how much this is important for you. Hopefully she'll listen to what you have to say and understand her. If she doesn't, you may want to move on from this relationship and take some time for yourself. I'm so sorry, I know it's not easy. I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. You've been given some great advice in this thread. I'd suggest to follow it if you can. You need to take care of yourself as well. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, MrBrains. Please don't give up. I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this. You're a strong, wonderful person
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Old 03-19-2019, 09:17 AM #8
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Default Re: Neuroticism

That doesnít sound like neuroticism. It sounds like attachment issues and fear of abandonment. What other things does she do that drive you crazy? Neuroticism is a big label so surely there are more things...
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Old 03-19-2019, 10:06 AM #9
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Default Re: Neuroticism

Quote:
Originally Posted by piggy momma View Post
That doesnít sound like neuroticism. It sounds like attachment issues and fear of abandonment. What other things does she do that drive you crazy? Neuroticism is a big label so surely there are more things...
She experiences feelings like anxiety, worry, fear, frustration, envy, jealousy, guilt, depressed mood, and loneliness.
So yes she is quite neurotic.
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Old 03-19-2019, 10:12 AM #10
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Default Re: Neuroticism

Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
You've only been divorced a year and are already planning a long future with a new girlfriend. Now I understand that people are all different in getting past break ups but for the life of me, I cannot help but think it's very quick to be making decisions like that after something like a divorce. Not only because of the break up but since you've only been divorced a year you can't have been with this new girl for all that long and you're already finding reasons to try and change her.


I stand by my idea that if you go into a new relationship and are trying to find ways to fix and/or change the other, likely it's not a solid ground to begin with. Regardless of what issues they have, if they need to change in order to be the person you are content with being in a relationship with, it kind of goes against the idea that they are right for you. don't make plans for long term based on ideas that may not happen.
I fine with a relationship. I've spent the last 2 years in IC and my wife checked out of our marriage many years ago. "finding reasons to try and change her"...Do you have experience with someone that's high in neuroticism? What kind of personality trait is right for someone that's high in neurotocism? Having a vision and a plan of my future is not a bad idea..is it?
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