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Old 03-18-2019, 10:01 PM #1
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Default Told guy I like him. He said he has a gf but keeps trying to talk to me.

I met a guy a few months back on a night out through mutual friends of his, and I was immediately drawn to him. We chatted a good bit of the night, and after I left I added him on social media, because I felt we had a spark.

I commented on a few of his things, and messaged him to try and engage, but he never acknowledged anything so I figured maybe I read it wrong and just let it go. Fast forward a month and there is another night out at the bar and he is there with friends. He comes up to me and introduces me to them, and we chat again. I end up leaving before him very drunk, and stupidly text him after leaving telling him I would love to get dinner with him because I am into him. He replies telling me he loves the compliment but he is with somebody (which sucks because there is nothing on social media that hints at this).

So I get my closure, let it go and try and move on....only ever since I told him I like him he hasn't stopped commenting on my social media, which he hasn't done before (5 times in a week), and then the other day he even messaged me directly making fun of a comment I had made about liking something he doesn't, so his messaged said this is why we cant be together, but he was very playful and put a smiley face.

So now I don't really know what to do, because I left it alone after finding out he is not single, but ever since he has known I like him he keeps trying to engage. Should I feel bad for engaging, and do you think he is being out of order to his gf? I don't really know how to take his behavior, and he could maybe just want to be friends, but we have only met twice. Thoughts?
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Old 03-19-2019, 04:48 PM #2
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Default Re: Told guy I like him. He said he has a gf but keeps trying to talk to me.

Honestly commenting or messaging on Facebook means absolutely nothing. I’d not read into it.
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Old 03-19-2019, 06:47 PM #3
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Default Re: Told guy I like him. He said he has a gf but keeps trying to talk to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ss86 View Post
I met a guy a few months back on a night out through mutual friends of his, and I was immediately drawn to him. We chatted a good bit of the night, and after I left I added him on social media, because I felt we had a spark.

I commented on a few of his things, and messaged him to try and engage, but he never acknowledged anything so I figured maybe I read it wrong and just let it go. Fast forward a month and there is another night out at the bar and he is there with friends. He comes up to me and introduces me to them, and we chat again. I end up leaving before him very drunk, and stupidly text him after leaving telling him I would love to get dinner with him because I am into him. He replies telling me he loves the compliment but he is with somebody (which sucks because there is nothing on social media that hints at this).

So I get my closure, let it go and try and move on....only ever since I told him I like him he hasn't stopped commenting on my social media, which he hasn't done before (5 times in a week), and then the other day he even messaged me directly making fun of a comment I had made about liking something he doesn't, so his messaged said this is why we cant be together, but he was very playful and put a smiley face.

So now I don't really know what to do, because I left it alone after finding out he is not single, but ever since he has known I like him he keeps trying to engage. Should I feel bad for engaging, and do you think he is being out of order to his gf? I don't really know how to take his behavior, and he could maybe just want to be friends, but we have only met twice. Thoughts?
Interesting post ss86. Thanks for sharing. It's a shame he is already taken; sounds like you really liked him. You asked if he is being out of order to his gf. Not at all. Men can talk to whoever they please, in and out of a relationship. Same for women. He isn't flirting with you or inviting you on dates so I see nothing awry. If he does start flirting or being inappropriate, you can simply ignore him and he'll give up. No worries.

As far as responding to your social media, perhaps he finds you to be an interesting person and likes reading your posts (men sometimes get presented as impossibly sexual about everything but that's just a reductive stereotype) or perhaps he was flattered by your compliment to him and enjoys attention from you. The latter situation could turn into something you don't want but you don't yet have enough info to tell.

Either way, I think the important part is how you feel. Are you comfortable messaging with this guy knowing that he won't date you or would you rather not communicate with him at all? That's entirely up to you. Do whatever feels more comfortable and peaceful for you in your own life. I would discourage you from trying to guess his motives or thought process. I don't see any value in that for you.

If you are interested in finding a partner, I hope a lovely single guy is in your future! No reason why he wouldn't be! And fair play to you for being brave and telling the first guy how you felt before you knew he had a gf....nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? That courage could serve you well in the future when you meet someone interesting who is also available
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Old 03-19-2019, 09:41 PM #4
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Default Re: Told guy I like him. He said he has a gf but keeps trying to talk to me.

I think his comment “this is why we can’t be together” was inconsiderate; he makes light of what he has good reason to think is a serious concern of yours.
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Old 03-19-2019, 11:06 PM #5
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Default Re: Told guy I like him. He said he has a gf but keeps trying to talk to me.

I would just block him , why put up with it ?
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Old 03-20-2019, 06:28 AM #6
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Default Re: Told guy I like him. He said he has a gf but keeps trying to talk to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverTrees View Post
Interesting post ss86. Thanks for sharing. It's a shame he is already taken; sounds like you really liked him. You asked if he is being out of order to his gf. Not at all. Men can talk to whoever they please, in and out of a relationship. Same for women. He isn't flirting with you or inviting you on dates so I see nothing awry. If he does start flirting or being inappropriate, you can simply ignore him and he'll give up. No worries.

As far as responding to your social media, perhaps he finds you to be an interesting person and likes reading your posts (men sometimes get presented as impossibly sexual about everything but that's just a reductive stereotype) or perhaps he was flattered by your compliment to him and enjoys attention from you. The latter situation could turn into something you don't want but you don't yet have enough info to tell.

Either way, I think the important part is how you feel. Are you comfortable messaging with this guy knowing that he won't date you or would you rather not communicate with him at all? That's entirely up to you. Do whatever feels more comfortable and peaceful for you in your own life. I would discourage you from trying to guess his motives or thought process. I don't see any value in that for you.

If you are interested in finding a partner, I hope a lovely single guy is in your future! No reason why he wouldn't be! And fair play to you for being brave and telling the first guy how you felt before you knew he had a gf....nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? That courage could serve you well in the future when you meet someone interesting who is also available
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Old 03-20-2019, 10:10 AM #7
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Default Re: Told guy I like him. He said he has a gf but keeps trying to talk to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ss86 View Post
I met a guy a few months back on a night out through mutual friends of his, and I was immediately drawn to him. We chatted a good bit of the night, and after I left I added him on social media, because I felt we had a spark.

I commented on a few of his things, and messaged him to try and engage, but he never acknowledged anything so I figured maybe I read it wrong and just let it go. Fast forward a month and there is another night out at the bar and he is there with friends. He comes up to me and introduces me to them, and we chat again. I end up leaving before him very drunk, and stupidly text him after leaving telling him I would love to get dinner with him because I am into him. He replies telling me he loves the compliment but he is with somebody (which sucks because there is nothing on social media that hints at this).

So I get my closure, let it go and try and move on....only ever since I told him I like him he hasn't stopped commenting on my social media, which he hasn't done before (5 times in a week), and then the other day he even messaged me directly making fun of a comment I had made about liking something he doesn't, so his messaged said this is why we cant be together, but he was very playful and put a smiley face.

So now I don't really know what to do, because I left it alone after finding out he is not single, but ever since he has known I like him he keeps trying to engage. Should I feel bad for engaging, and do you think he is being out of order to his gf? I don't really know how to take his behavior, and he could maybe just want to be friends, but we have only met twice. Thoughts?

His commenting on your fb, in combination with messaging you and the way he is doing it, is entirely due to your professing that you're attracted to him. In my opinion his behavior while mild, is a yellow warning flag about him. It speaks volumes that he's taking the time to comment and engage with you when he already has a gf. Why? Because his whole attention is based on the fact that you're already attracted to him and it says to me that he, in spite of being involved is toying with other women in this way. Flirting off hand occasionally happens but this is intentional and purposefully done.


Best case scenario he's just enjoying your attention and means nothing by it but even so that's entirely unfair to you and is really an attempt to keep you on a string. Worst case, he's the type that now or eventually he will probably cheat on his gf and is that really the kind of guy you want to associate with?


My first wife, I met as she approached me and gave me her number, we were both young. I called her and then she mentioned she already has a bf. I told her straight up, "call me if you're single again" That was a mistake because she did, we ended up together, and pretty much the entire marriage of about 6 yrs, she cheated on me repeatedly before I finally had the solid evidence on it and called her out.


I only add my experience because people that are devoted and committed dont' play games with others that happen to have an attraction to them.
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Old 03-20-2019, 10:20 AM #8
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Default Re: Told guy I like him. He said he has a gf but keeps trying to talk to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ss86 View Post
I met a guy a few months back on a night out through mutual friends of his, and I was immediately drawn to him. We chatted a good bit of the night, and after I left I added him on social media, because I felt we had a spark.

I commented on a few of his things, and messaged him to try and engage, but he never acknowledged anything so I figured maybe I read it wrong and just let it go. Fast forward a month and there is another night out at the bar and he is there with friends. He comes up to me and introduces me to them, and we chat again. I end up leaving before him very drunk, and stupidly text him after leaving telling him I would love to get dinner with him because I am into him. He replies telling me he loves the compliment but he is with somebody (which sucks because there is nothing on social media that hints at this).

So I get my closure, let it go and try and move on....only ever since I told him I like him he hasn't stopped commenting on my social media, which he hasn't done before (5 times in a week), and then the other day he even messaged me directly making fun of a comment I had made about liking something he doesn't, so his messaged said this is why we cant be together, but he was very playful and put a smiley face.

So now I don't really know what to do, because I left it alone after finding out he is not single, but ever since he has known I like him he keeps trying to engage. Should I feel bad for engaging, and do you think he is being out of order to his gf? I don't really know how to take his behavior, and he could maybe just want to be friends, but we have only met twice. Thoughts?
Men sometimes hone and practice their seduction communication skills towards women, on women they are not truly interested in, without the intent of a relationship. I would not engage him in anyway until he engages you again. Then I would remind him your not interested in him while he is in a relationship. How old is he?
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Old 03-20-2019, 02:54 PM #9
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Default Re: Told guy I like him. He said he has a gf but keeps trying to talk to me.

Two things: Commenting on your FB is not necessarily an indication of anything. More importantly however, he told you he has a girlfriend. I think you have an obligation to both him and her to heed and observe this. If it turns out he doesn't he isn't someone you want to take on anyway.
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Old 03-20-2019, 03:16 PM #10
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Default Re: Told guy I like him. He said he has a gf but keeps trying to talk to me.

Perhaps he says he has girlfriend because he didn’t know what else to say if he isn’t interested. I’d stop contacting him
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