I've been going for over 2 years. At first, it was on and off. But meditation changed my life. I know it's not for everyone. But it is for me (though I have been sparse with my practice lately).

So this group is every Sunday morning. I guess I'm just feeling really conflicted about the facilitator of the group. We are friends. She seems sort of flighty in terms of being friends. I can tell that sometimes she really likes me and other times just has other things on her plate and mind. Which is fine. But it really bothered me how we'd been very close at times and other times she seemed to withhold from being that close. I do think I need to show up more to group.

Which brings me to, I have not been going much to group lately, and...I think there are a multitude of reasons. The main reasons are apathy and anhedonia. However I do not feel depressed.

There's another reason that is more troublesome to me. I don't know why I cannot get over this and move past it. It could happen again. It may not seem like a big deal. But it is to me. The reason, is that a member of our meditation circle takes art lessons from someone who was hurtful towards me. It was a very bad experience. The facilitator knows about it because I'd confided in her about it. And we even recently talked about it. But this person who goes to meditation circle talks about this art teacher sometimes in a positive way, and the last time he did it, she expressed great enthusiasm and approval over something he said about her. I felt really uncomfortable about it.

Could I get some gentle feedback? After writing this down, I think it makes sense that I'm put off. This is supposed to be a place of safety for me, and has been for a while. Though I have to admit, this year of 2019, I've been sort of coming to the group sporadically. Also I cannot control other people and their own experiences. I understand that.

Also what does it mean when thinking about certain people, you feel bored? But when you're actually interacting with them, you're not bored and they seem nice.

Thanks.

[Bill3]

I wonder if there might be a different meditation group that you could attend.

I ask because it sounds like your friendship with the facilitator is interfering with the class for you.

Here is a question: would your reaction to her enthusiasm have been different if she wasn't a friend, hadn't known what happened to you?

I know that she is allowed to compliment the art teacher. You however are allowed to have the feelings you have. You do not have to stay in the class when something upsetting happens, or when the teacher seems to be withholding from you.

I wonder about the possibility of another group because it sounds like your experience with meditation overall has been good, but in this particular class things have started to go downhill.

Maybe you don't have to lose meditation support entirely because of how one specific teacher behaves?

[WishfulThinker66]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I wonder if there might be a different meditation group that you could attend.....

Here is a question: would your reaction to her enthusiasm have been different if she wasn't a friend, hadn't known what happened to you?

I know that she is allowed to compliment the art teacher. You however are allowed to have the feelings you have.....

Excellent points to ponder What you feel and worry about are valid. I hope hearing that makes you feel better.

Is it possible your acquaintance is pulling back on account of you attending the group she leads? Could it be a case of her attempts to be professional? even if it is backfiring?

Does she treat everyone and react to everyone in a similar fashion or is this fellow getting his own undue attention.

Could she also be attempting to be nonpartisan for such reason she is a leader? This would be the professional thing to do. It is what I would do.

Thus, I wouldn't take this as her slighting you. From what you have said she is merely trying to treat everyone in the group as equals. Again, it is what I would do. In fact, when I have been in leadership positions in which some of my subordinates are friends or acquaintances it very much has affected the relationship. As their leader I need to remove from the situation of any appearance of favouritism. I take a step back from the friendship myself. My acquaintances had to deal with this.

Thank you Bill and WishfulThinker. You've given me some things to think about.

WishfulThinker, yes you could be right that she was trying to be nonpartisan. I mean, could you imagine if she was like negative or even "blah" towards the member about that subject just because of me? I would feel badly about that, first of all. And second of all, I know that other people, like this member, really like that art class, and I would never try to rain on their parade. I'm just not sure how to deal with my feelings about it when things like that come up. I may need to find a way to find peace from my bad art class experience (I have tried before, and it actually worked. It has just come back up for me I noticed, in a negative way again).

Also my mother said the same thing you did, Wishful, about maybe she was just trying to treat everyone as equals. She probably was.

About her pulling back. I really couldn't know why she pulls back, unless I point blank asked her. I do know, that when I am around there more often, we are closer, and when I am away more often, we are less close. At least, it's something I noticed. I am quite a hermit (Ok that's an exaggeration, but I like doing stuff on my own a lot). I have thought before that this made her uncomfortable, because she is SO social and extroverted.

Hi Bill. Ok so I read your response first, and was like "yeah." And then I read WishfulThinker's response, and was also like "yeah." Lol. I am glad it is not something I have to "make a choice on" right now. Or really at any time. I can go when I want, or not. It is up to me. Today I didn't go.

I do want to say, she does have her own issues she struggles with, and I understand this. However, it can be hard because in the past I've seen her as a support. And sometimes she literally says to me that she is too busy. Though she also expresses she cares. It's fine. I think I'm just trying to say that maybe our friendship is complicated sometimes, and it can be plentiful as well as well, not. And I do notice the more I'm in her arena, the more we are closer. Its been a while. I haven't been going to church much either, which is something she also goes to.

I think there are some other meditation groups. But I feel sort of...apathetic about one, and then I did look on meet up dot com, and there's some here and there. It's not out of the question to find another group, or in addition to this one. I can always meditate on my own too. I think when I need a group, my mind and body tell me. When I don't, my mind and body tell me.

Oh, and yes my reaction would have been different of she was not a friend I'd confided in.

Originally Posted by Ptak

Thank you Bill and WishfulThinker. You've given me some things to think about.

WishfulThinker, yes you could be right that she was trying to be nonpartisan. I mean, could you imagine if she was like negative or even "blah" towards the member about that subject just because of me? I would feel badly about that, first of all. And second of all, I know that other people, like this member, really like that art class, and I would never try to rain on their parade. I'm just not sure how to deal with my feelings about it when things like that come up. I may need to find a way to find peace from my bad art class experience (I have tried before, and it actually worked. It has just come back up for me I noticed, in a negative way again).

Also my mother said the same thing you did, Wishful, about maybe she was just trying to treat everyone as equals. She probably was.

About her pulling back. I really couldn't know why she pulls back, unless I point blank asked her. I do know, that when I am around there more often, we are closer, and when I am away more often, we are less close. At least, it's something I noticed. I am quite a hermit (Ok that's an exaggeration, but I like doing stuff on my own a lot). I have thought before that this made her uncomfortable, because she is SO social and extroverted.

Hi Bill. Ok so I read your response first, and was like "yeah." And then I read WishfulThinker's response, and was also like "yeah." Lol. I am glad it is not something I have to "make a choice on" right now. Or really at any time. I can go when I want, or not. It is up to me. Today I didn't go.

I do want to say, she does have her own issues she struggles with, and I understand this. However, it can be hard because in the past I've seen her as a support. And sometimes she literally says to me that she is too busy. Though she also expresses she cares. It's fine. I think I'm just trying to say that maybe our friendship is complicated sometimes, and it can be plentiful as well as well, not. And I do notice the more I'm in her arena, the more we are closer. Its been a while. I haven't been going to church much either, which is something she also goes to.

I think there are some other meditation groups. But I feel sort of...apathetic about one, and then I did look on meet up dot com, and there's some here and there. It's not out of the question to find another group, or in addition to this one. I can always meditate on my own too. I think when I need a group, my mind and body tell me. When I don't, my mind and body tell me.

Oh, and yes my reaction would have been different of she was not a friend I'd confided in.

Are you romantically interested in this woman, your friend? Why do you think your connection to her, is so distressful to you as a member of the meditation center she instructs at?

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

Are you romantically interested in this woman, your friend? Why do you think your connection to her, is so distressful to you as a member of the meditation center she instructs at?

No I am not romantically interested in this woman. I am female and not a lesbian.

But to answer your question: I'm not really sure what to say. I don't find my connection to her so distressful. She does not instruct at a meditation center. It is a church and she is a facilitator. Also I wrote a lot in both of my posts. I'm not really sure what else to say.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, Ptak I completely agree with what all the other have already wisely said better than I ever could, including Bill3 and WishfulThinker66! You've been given some great advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it if you can and want! I believe that she was trying to be "objective" and professional in your relationship with her as well. I'm sure she has nothing against you! Things like this can just happen. I completely understand what you mean though. I understand why you'd feel this way. I'd suggest to talk to her about this and see how it goes from there. Maybe that could help. Just be honest with her and talk to her about the doubts you're having! Hopefully she'll listen to you and understand you! Hopefully she'll be able to explain things to you! I also completely agree with finding another meditation group if you can, perhaps in addition to this one if you can! I feel like that may really help you! I'm really happy that you can go to this meditation group whenever you feel like it! That's wonderful! I'm really happy that this meditation group is being helpful to you! I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this! Please don't give up hope! Try to hang on as much as you can! Sending many hugs to you, Ptak! You're a strong, wonderful person! Please remember that! We all know that and we all believe in you! I hope you'll be able to believe in yourself as well!

Thank you for your support Mickey. Yeah it would be good to just be honest with her about how I've been feeling. But I feel hesitant. I don't want to make it into a big thing. I may talk to my therapist about that.


I am feeling better about this, btw. Avoidance is the bane of my existence, lol. The story of my life. I avoid social stuff all the time. I just do my best. And this was irking me, and I needed to bounce it off someone. Thank you.