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Old 03-22-2019, 09:34 AM #1
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Default Fear of Relationships

So lately I've seen myself as afraid to try and start a relationship with another person. Ever since my last relationship, my ex girlfriend used to be my best friend and before we got into a relationship, I had a girlfriend at the time that had moved away to a different country. I was in 8th grade when all of this happened, so I was still kinda brand new to the whole relationship thing, but I had a hang of it because I was just going along the flow and having fun. So one day, my was best friend and I were on facetime and I'm telling her about my girlfriend and how we want to see each other again badly, but being easily gullible 8th grade me, she was trying to convince me to break up with her because long distance relationships don't usually workout and using all of these facts and past relationships and saying you'll never see her and what if she's seeing someone over there? Eventually, it got me a little paranoid for no reason and got me to break up with her. Not too long after I became sad because I cared about her, she came over to my house and started making out with me out of the blue, completely unexpected. That made me grow attached and eventually we started dating. I felt like it was a new start and a new experience. We dated for 2 months and everything was going great and I felt like we can go a long way, until out of nowhere, her attitude towards me changed. She didn't give me a goodbye kiss no more or didn't talk or text me the same way or looked at me different. At this point I was worried because I didn't know if I did something and when I asked her she said, "no it's just something about me". She wouldn't tell me and then a few days later, randomly broke up with me. I was down for a while and I would've gotten back up on my feet. Until I found out that she tried to break up with me to go out with my best friend at the time. I was committed and so into the relationship that you could go as far to say that I was in love. After I found that out, I started to rethink our whole entire relationship over and thinking if any of it was really real and if she's been lying to me anytime she said the words, "I love you". The rest of that year I was a little depressed and i haven't spoke or done as much as i used to and my whole personality changed. My grades dropped a bit and my attitude and view on people have completely changed. It wasnt until my freshman year of high school where I decided to find out the reasons why that I started to have a lower self esteem and fear of relationships. Have you ever had something that you wouldn't want anything to happen to it no matter what and just have it taken away from you for no reason? Yea, I felt like I was missing something, anger, sadness, and just everything. I'm now 16 and I have difficulty getting into relationships. Not because I can't get into one, but because I had that bad relationship experience that caused me a lot of pain inside that I've never felt before. I have confidence in myself and my grades are back up and I'm mostly back to normal, but when it comes to trying to get into a relationship, i almost think that the same thing is going to happen with everyone, which may not be the case,but having that one bad experience just leaves a mark in the back of my head. Anyways, I dont know how to get rid of this fear and I'm open to suggestions if anyone has any because I want to get into a relationship but I have a fear of having that attachment again and the same result happening again.
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Old 03-22-2019, 02:34 PM #2
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Thanks for bringing your concern here to PC, Rumble... and welcome to Psych Central. Since you're a teen one additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the teens' lounge (no adults allowed!) Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/teens-lounge/

You may also find the school & study issues forum to be of interest:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/scho...-study-issues/

I don't know as I am the best member, here on PC, to offer you advice regarding your relationship experience since I'm a "senior citizen", as they like to refer to us. Personally I think at your age the type of thing you've experienced is simply the way relationships have a way of going. (I could tell you stories... but I'll spare you that.)

My thinking, with regard to the experience you describe is that you simply need to get out there & give relationships another go whenever the next opportunity arises. Will the next one you have turn out badly too? Yes, I'd say at your age that's probably likely. But, at least from my experience that's the way these sorts of things tend to go. Eventually it's likely you'll meet someone with whom you'll develop a more lasting bond.

You asked about how to get over the fear you now have as a result of your previous relationship experience. Here are links to 5 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that discuss how to overcome fear:

Act to Overcome Fear

How to Keep Fear from Stealing Your Life

How to Overcome Relationship Fears BEFORE They Take Control

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-mind...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/overcom...king-mistakes/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 03-22-2019, 03:25 PM #3
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I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Rumble Please don't give up. I understand what you mean. I understand why you'd feel pretty hurt by all of this. I completely agree with what Skeezyks has already wisely said better than I ever could. She's given you some great advice. I'd suggest to follow it if you can. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. Your therapist is there to help you after all. Some relationships can go bad, unfortunately, but don't let one rotten apple dictate your life! I'm sure you'll be able to find the right person for you! Keep looking! You're still very young and you have lots of experienced that you can make. Just give it a try and see how it goes from there. It doesn't have to be anything too serious. It may be just a couple of dates to get back in. Perhaps you'll find your soultmate, or perhaps you'll have to wait a bit. That's normal. Just keep looking and I'm sure you'll be able to find someone who will truly love you for who you truly are. Please don't give up. I know it's hard. I hope things will get better soon for you. You deserve to be happy and to feel good just like everyone else does. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Rumble. You're a strong, wonderful person. I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this. Please don't give up! Try to hang on!
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Old 03-22-2019, 04:28 PM #4
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Default Re: Fear of Relationships

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Thanks for bringing your concern here to PC, Rumble... and welcome to Psych Central. Since you're a teen one additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the teens' lounge (no adults allowed!) Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/teens-lounge/

You may also find the school & study issues forum to be of interest:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/scho...-study-issues/

I don't know as I am the best member, here on PC, to offer you advice regarding your relationship experience since I'm a "senior citizen", as they like to refer to us. Personally I think at your age the type of thing you've experienced is simply the way relationships have a way of going. (I could tell you stories... but I'll spare you that.)

My thinking, with regard to the experience you describe is that you simply need to get out there & give relationships another go whenever the next opportunity arises. Will the next one you have turn out badly too? Yes, I'd say at your age that's probably likely. But, at least from my experience that's the way these sorts of things tend to go. Eventually it's likely you'll meet someone with whom you'll develop a more lasting bond.

You asked about how to get over the fear you now have as a result of your previous relationship experience. Here are links to 5 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that discuss how to overcome fear:

Act to Overcome Fear

How to Keep Fear from Stealing Your Life

How to Overcome Relationship Fears BEFORE They Take Control

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-mind...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/overcom...king-mistakes/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
Skeezyks! Thank you for sharing this. I suffer so much from fear of the outside, of how people look at me, what they say about me, I am a very sensitive person. This definitely helps me a lot.
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Old 03-22-2019, 07:44 PM #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by captaineo View Post
Skeezyks! Thank you for sharing this. I suffer so much from fear of the outside, of how people look at me, what they say about me, I am a very sensitive person. This definitely helps me a lot.
And then one more:

Deconstructing the Fear of Rejection: What Are We Really Afraid Of?

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