[Dust to Dust]

My partner and I have been together for 7 years and we have grown together in SO many ways. She is my other half, my best friend, and overall the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. We've talked about our future, marriage, our dream wedding, starting a family and so forth. About a week after last Christmas we moved into our first house together. It's still new and we love it more each day.

Now here is the issue..and it might sound patchy. I've always dreamed of being a mom. I love children and the thought of us starting a family made me SO excited. We are lesbians..so starting a family is a process versus actually conceiving. We picked out a sperm donor from a bank that we both agreed on and I became a patient at a fertility clinic. I started seeing my primary doctor and obgyn more frequently and the ball was rolling. The thing is were not married yet. She has said she is the one that wants to propose and that if I did she would say no..lol. So I'm patiently waiting to start our lives. Another thing is I was extremely excited during this part of our life. This process started about a year ago. Every month I got my period I thought it was going to happen and it created some stress so we kept extending it. It's a year later and our storage for the sperm donor is up in late May.

I was recently diagnosed with OCD, depression and anxiety and I've started fluoxetine..which has helped A LOT. But the thing is.I'm not as excited as I once was. I feel like I lost all of that excitement. I feel dry. And I'm not sure how to get there. Once my partner wakes up I want to discuss about extending the storage for 6 months and trying next January. In my head I think I've realized I was pushing it too much on her and not enjoying the current moments. I want to apologize to her and let her know I love her, she knows but I love telling her. I want to take this year to work on myself and build our relationship more. Hell maybe she'll even propose this year. I feel like everything happens for a reason. It was meant for our pregnancy not to start because life wants me to help build myself first. I just am SO nervous that my excitement won't come back..does that make sense? Before my medication I was VERYYYYY emotional. I would cry at almost anything. And when I got excited it was like I was at the top of the world. I feel like maybe I'm just adjusting and this is how an average person feels?

Anyways, this is long but I needed to get it out. We just got a puppy as well. He's an 8 week treeing walker coonhound and has been super therapeutic to us both. I think just focusing on the now right now is a good action plan and we'll see what next year brings us.

[Have Hope]

Hi Dust to Dust. I am sorry you're struggling. Have you talked to your doctor about all the potential side effects of this medication? Since it's the early stages, it's possible you are experiencing side effects, which should wear off after some time. But also, some meds can have a dulling effect to emotions.. kind of like a suppressant. I would talk to your doctor about what you're experiencing. You may need a med adjustment. I am no doctor, but it's possible. Best wishes to you and your girlfriend!

[sarahsweets]

I think you have a lot going on now and a lot to work out. I commend you for having the self awareness to take a break from your plans for a family.