Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure - Page 2 - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-06-2019, 11:27 AM #11
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope Have Hope is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 228
Have Hope Have Hope is offline
Member
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 228

1 yr Member
167 hugs
given
Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heartache11 View Post
Thank you both. I really appreciate you sharing your story as well with me, I'm sorry you went through that.

I hate that I've given her so much control over me with me making my whole life around her. I know I can do better and I hate myself right now because I feel stuck. I'm a very attractive guy with a nice paying job and no kids so I know I can find someone but it's the letting go I'm afraid of. I feel like I need to secretly get over her while I still have the comfort of her being around and I'm not sure how to do that without feeling like I'm cheating.

We just got off the phone and she just made it clear that she doesn't want to work on us while im trying my best to do extra things for us. Shes disquising me as controlling and maybe I am a little im just not ready for certain things in our current state....

Thank you so much though. This forum is really helping a lot because I'm on the edge

Yes, you have your answer from her. Fear is a stronghold that can keep any of us in relationship longer than we should be.

Gather up your confidence in yourself.... know that you most certainly can find someone else who is more suitable. Know that you ARE attractive and a great catch!! Looks like it's time to let go and move forward with your life, without your girlfriend. And yes, I agree with the others that her night with this other man sounds very suspicious!!
__________________
Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet. To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
Have Hope is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 04-06-2019, 04:26 PM #12
Heartache11 Heartache11 is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Indiana
Posts: 17
Heartache11 Heartache11 is offline
Junior Member
Heartache11 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Indiana
Posts: 17

2 hugs
given
Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

Thanks I want to keep communicating and hopefully I can break free and get everyone's opinions as much as I can.

When she chose to come back to work on things she agreed to remove all her social media as part of the deal, she went back on it and now she wants to work on things but to keep her social media but remove all the guys that are unnecessary.

I told her that's fine if she wants to try and show effort. I still cant trust her over this and my plan really is to try to slowly break away from her if I can. Am I being a A-hole by doing this behind her back? I know it's kind of the cowardly way but she wont just let me go either or else she would just go since she clearly dont want to get rid of the things that have caused us problems in the relationship.

She expects trust but she does not deserve it in my opinion.

If by some miracle she really does change I might stay but shes already pushing back so I doubt it will last long anyway
Heartache11 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-06-2019, 04:54 PM #13
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 379
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 379

1 yr Member
104 hugs
given
Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heartache11 View Post
Thanks I want to keep communicating and hopefully I can break free and get everyone's opinions as much as I can.

When she chose to come back to work on things she agreed to remove all her social media as part of the deal, she went back on it and now she wants to work on things but to keep her social media but remove all the guys that are unnecessary.

I told her that's fine if she wants to try and show effort. I still cant trust her over this and my plan really is to try to slowly break away from her if I can. Am I being a A-hole by doing this behind her back? I know it's kind of the cowardly way but she wont just let me go either or else she would just go since she clearly dont want to get rid of the things that have caused us problems in the relationship.

She expects trust but she does not deserve it in my opinion.

If by some miracle she really does change I might stay but shes already pushing back so I doubt it will last long anyway
From everything you've written here, this woman treated you like an option from the time she first moved in with you after you two met online. You've never been a real priority to her, in her life, according to what you've written about her.

I can't give you any more advice other than what I have already. I wish you the best of luck with your situation.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-08-2019, 12:21 PM #14
s4ndm4n2006's Avatar
s4ndm4n2006 s4ndm4n2006 is offline
Chat Moderator
Chat Leader
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 1,987
s4ndm4n2006 s4ndm4n2006 is offline
Chat Moderator
Chat Leader
s4ndm4n2006's Avatar
s4ndm4n2006 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 1,987

3 yr Member
178 hugs
given
Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heartache11 View Post
We were split up for a week and she moved out and stayed with friends. We were still seeing each other quite a bit and crying and telling eachother how we wanted to work things out.

She stayed the night with a guy and was flirting with him a lot back and forth. She says that nothing happened and they just talked all night and sat across from each other and it made her realize how she wanted to be with me and also she was on her period at the time. She said they did hug when he left the room she was staying in and claims he was a gentleman the whole time.

I'm having a hard time believing her and trying to get over the extra stuff that that added to our other issues and now I keep asking her questions and trying to get validation that nothing happened or that she doesn't want him over me. And, I seen some of their messages the ones she didnt delete and she was talking to him way more than me and wondering what he was doing and where he was while I was at home dealing with a broken heart.
I know she is getting mad about my questions and she told me I'm making her feel like it was a bad idea to come back.

I came home and tried to eat and all of sudden started crying out of nowhere, idk what to do...

I dont want to lose her from all my questions but I also dont know if I can deal with not knowing what happened amd if shes telling the truth or not. I'm so alone and tore up rn

within a week after you broke up she's already flirting and chatting up some other guy. if that isn't a red flag, I don't know what is.
s4ndm4n2006 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-09-2019, 06:21 PM #15
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope Have Hope is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 228
Have Hope Have Hope is offline
Member
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 228

1 yr Member
167 hugs
given
Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
within a week after you broke up she's already flirting and chatting up some other guy. if that isn't a red flag, I don't know what is.

Agreed.

To the OP: don't hold onto this one. I honestly think it's unfair to hold onto her while trying to get over her. It doesn't seem like she's treated you that fairly herself, but let go and move forward rather than holding on out of fear of the unknown or fear of missing her. Two wrongs don't make a right. Yeah, sure, you may miss her, but you're holding yourself back from meeting the RIGHT person.
__________________
Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet. To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
Have Hope is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-09-2019, 07:12 PM #16
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 8,871
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
Wise Elder
Bill3 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 8,871 (SuperPoster!)

10 yr Member
17.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

I expect that you won’t get over her if she is living with you and/or you are seeing her every day.

I think that no contact is a more effective way to get over someone.
Bill3 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-13-2019, 11:59 AM #17
Heartache11 Heartache11 is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Indiana
Posts: 17
Heartache11 Heartache11 is offline
Junior Member
Heartache11 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Indiana
Posts: 17

2 hugs
given
Frown Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

I wish it was easy to just move on and listen to what everyone here is telling me to do because I know it's the right thing but I'm so lost and I hate that I had to come back on here and pour my heart out again.

We had been working on things, mainly just me with her needs and she hadn't really seemed to into working on things or really giving me any kind of attention and I felt it inside that she didnt want to or care. But it still wasnt enough I guess to break out of this all.

I then start questioning her about her relationship with that guy she stayed with and told her to tell me and maybe I can forgive and forget it and she keeps telling me nothing happened and that he was just a good friend and listener. The agreement was for her to stop talking to him all contact but last night when I asked if she had anything to tell me she came clean and said that she did write him and told him sorry and that her heart needed me to get through these last couple weeks of nursing school and he said he understood.

I told her to show me and she said she deleted the messages, I told her to ask for screenshots back and she wont doit because she said it makes her look like a fool. I told her I'm not sure if I can do this unless I see and know everything they were talking about and shes just basically wanting me to tell her to leave because she doesn't want to ask for the screenshots.

I told her I wont throw her out again because that's what got us in this situation but if she wont try to prove that shes being honest then she should leave on her own and not come back ever and let me go.

I feel so used and empty. I'm considering seeking out a counselor or some professional help but I'm not sure how soon they can get me in and I dont know how much more I can take

I'm sorry to everyone that I'm not strong enough to follow advice
Heartache11 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-13-2019, 12:19 PM #18
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 9,431
MickeyCheeky MickeyCheeky is offline
Wise Elder
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 9,431 (SuperPoster!)

2 yr Member
30.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Heartache11! Please don't feel guilty about it! We all understand that it IS difficult! However I'm afraid I must agree with all the other wise, wonderful posters! You've been given lots of great, wise, wonderful advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it as much as you can if you want to! Please try to get away from her as soon as you can! I won't be easy but it CAN be done! You just need to believe in yourself a little bit more! I think seeing a counselor or a therapist is a WONDERFUL idea! Maybe that could help! You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings! Please DO consider it! There's no shame in asking for help! You're a STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON and you deserve SO MUCH BETTER than what you're getting right now! PLEASE ALWAY REMEMBER THAT! I hope you'll be able to see yourself like the strong, wonderful person that you truly are! You deserve to get better and to feel good! You deserve to live a good life just like everyone else does! I believe in you! We ALL believe in you! We're ALL rooting for you! We're all CHEERING YOU ON! PLEASE ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT! Please try to get away from her as soon as you can! You may try to do it gradually if you can't do it right way, but the most important thing is to just DO IT! Please try to reach out to a professional as soon as you can! There's ABSOLUTELY NO SHAME in asking for help! PLEASE ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT! I hope things will get better soon for you and that you'll be able to move on as soon as you can! You deserve MUCH better than her! You ARE worth it and you ARE important! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Please NEVER give up hope! Try to hang on as much as you can! I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Heartache11!
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 04-13-2019, 01:37 PM #19
Heartache11 Heartache11 is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Indiana
Posts: 17
Heartache11 Heartache11 is offline
Junior Member
Heartache11 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Indiana
Posts: 17

2 hugs
given
Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

Thank you for the reply. I also feel guilty if I push her out again and what if she fails her exams and all her hard work was for nothing.

I think that if she does finally leave and takes EVERYTHING with no reason to come back I may be able to do this but she keeps asking if she could leave some stuff because she has nowhere to put it and it makes me feel like crap since she moved here for me
Heartache11 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-13-2019, 04:04 PM #20
Heartache11 Heartache11 is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Indiana
Posts: 17
Heartache11 Heartache11 is offline
Junior Member
Heartache11 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Indiana
Posts: 17

2 hugs
given
Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

Am I the jerk because I'm adding all this stress on her over seeing messages that dont matter and shes in nursing school
Heartache11 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:08 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.