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Old 04-05-2019, 03:45 PM #1
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Default Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

We were split up for a week and she moved out and stayed with friends. We were still seeing each other quite a bit and crying and telling eachother how we wanted to work things out.

She stayed the night with a guy and was flirting with him a lot back and forth. She says that nothing happened and they just talked all night and sat across from each other and it made her realize how she wanted to be with me and also she was on her period at the time. She said they did hug when he left the room she was staying in and claims he was a gentleman the whole time.

I'm having a hard time believing her and trying to get over the extra stuff that that added to our other issues and now I keep asking her questions and trying to get validation that nothing happened or that she doesn't want him over me. And, I seen some of their messages the ones she didnt delete and she was talking to him way more than me and wondering what he was doing and where he was while I was at home dealing with a broken heart.
I know she is getting mad about my questions and she told me I'm making her feel like it was a bad idea to come back.

I came home and tried to eat and all of sudden started crying out of nowhere, idk what to do...

I dont want to lose her from all my questions but I also dont know if I can deal with not knowing what happened amd if shes telling the truth or not. I'm so alone and tore up rn
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Old 04-05-2019, 05:15 PM #2
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Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

Sorry to tell you this, but she's most likely lying to you about what happened with that guy she spent the night with.

From your other thread you described feeling taken advantage of by her a lot. Sounds like that pattern between her and you still exists.

You need to really look at your life's priorities. Is getting back together with this woman who took advantage of you, prioritized her nursing school and family visits over spending time with you?
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Old 04-05-2019, 05:47 PM #3
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Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

I know. I also wonder that. I think I out too much power in her when I made her my whole live and quit hanging with friends and going out and now I just so alone. She said she would work on things too and that she doesn't want to lose me and that she loves me too. I think were just both really hurt and needed a break but are both afraid of the break being permanent so were trying even with our issues.

I really need to know what can help me right now as I dont know what to do. Neither of us do, we both want to be together but were hurt really bad
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Old 04-05-2019, 06:52 PM #4
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Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heartache11 View Post
I know. I also wonder that. I think I out too much power in her when I made her my whole live and quit hanging with friends and going out and now I just so alone. She said she would work on things too and that she doesn't want to lose me and that she loves me too. I think were just both really hurt and needed a break but are both afraid of the break being permanent so were trying even with our issues.

I really need to know what can help me right now as I dont know what to do. Neither of us do, we both want to be together but were hurt really bad

I've been in your shoes. I dated a man who prioritized his social circle and family members over mine. He went out of state to visit his family, yet refused to invite me even when I asked if I could join him, then he called me every night on my cellphone to complain about his family to me. He also would socialize with his friends but wouldn't invite me to join him, and always rejected my invites to join me with my friends. We broke up b/c I caught him cheating on me via his text messages. He didn't even apologize and tried to deflect by blaming me for snooping, so that any accountability of cheating on his part, wasn't the focus.

You're going to do what you want to do. But, if you'd like advice, mine is to cut and run. Reconnect with your friends, rebuild your social network, focus on your job, get a plant, get a pet, go visit your family but don't spend another moment making this woman the center of your universe. You did that once, and she showed you through her actions that you were and always will be, just a convenient option to her. She doesn't respect you and you both seem to have very weak interpersonal boundaries with each other.

If you want to work on your relationship, keep her as an option while you do everything I mentioned in the previous paragraph. Don't let her move back in with you. See her once a week or twice a month, but do not bombard her with social media communication or text messaging. You need to emotionally and physically distance yourself from this woman and get your center of balance back in your life without her.

Maybe explore codependence. It sounds like maybe you have some of those traits.

Delusions of the Codependent
Delusions of the Codependent

Symptoms of the Codependent
Symptoms of Codependency
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Old 04-05-2019, 07:19 PM #5
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Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

Her telling you she stayed over night with some guy is just ridiculous.
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Old 04-05-2019, 10:37 PM #6
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Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

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Her telling you she stayed over night with some guy is just ridiculous.
Isn't it though? That would be a MAJOR clue that she has zero interest in the OP.
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Old 04-05-2019, 10:53 PM #7
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Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

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Isn't it though? That would be a MAJOR clue that she has zero interest in the OP.
Either no interest or is trying to make him jealous. So
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Old 04-06-2019, 07:05 AM #8
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Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

Thank you both. I really appreciate you sharing your story as well with me, I'm sorry you went through that.

I hate that I've given her so much control over me with me making my whole life around her. I know I can do better and I hate myself right now because I feel stuck. I'm a very attractive guy with a nice paying job and no kids so I know I can find someone but it's the letting go I'm afraid of. I feel like I need to secretly get over her while I still have the comfort of her being around and I'm not sure how to do that without feeling like I'm cheating.

We just got off the phone and she just made it clear that she doesn't want to work on us while im trying my best to do extra things for us. Shes disquising me as controlling and maybe I am a little im just not ready for certain things in our current state....

Thank you so much though. This forum is really helping a lot because I'm on the edge
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Old 04-06-2019, 07:57 AM #9
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Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

The fear of being alone or lonely is a very strong motivator and can really keep you locked into bad relationships for too long. I was in a bad relationship with a BF when I was 18. I also met my husband that same year. In order to date my husband I had to break up with the BF but we had been together for 2 years and I was so worried about being rejected or not loved or alone that I almost stayed with him. If I had, I probably would not have married my husband,although our love story is like Kismet- being alone is very painful and scary.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heartache11 View Post
Thank you both. I really appreciate you sharing your story as well with me, I'm sorry you went through that.

I hate that I've given her so much control over me with me making my whole life around her. I know I can do better and I hate myself right now because I feel stuck. I'm a very attractive guy with a nice paying job and no kids so I know I can find someone but it's the letting go I'm afraid of. I feel like I need to secretly get over her while I still have the comfort of her being around and I'm not sure how to do that without feeling like I'm cheating.

We just got off the phone and she just made it clear that she doesn't want to work on us while im trying my best to do extra things for us. Shes disquising me as controlling and maybe I am a little im just not ready for certain things in our current state....

Thank you so much though. This forum is really helping a lot because I'm on the edge
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Old 04-06-2019, 10:24 AM #10
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Default Re: Me and my gf decided to work things out but I'm unsure

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heartache11 View Post
Thank you both. I really appreciate you sharing your story as well with me, I'm sorry you went through that.

I hate that I've given her so much control over me with me making my whole life around her. I know I can do better and I hate myself right now because I feel stuck. I'm a very attractive guy with a nice paying job and no kids so I know I can find someone but it's the letting go I'm afraid of. I feel like I need to secretly get over her while I still have the comfort of her being around and I'm not sure how to do that without feeling like I'm cheating.

We just got off the phone and she just made it clear that she doesn't want to work on us while im trying my best to do extra things for us. She's disquising me as controlling and maybe I am a little im just not ready for certain things in our current state....

Thank you so much though. This forum is really helping a lot because I'm on the edge
Looks like you have your answer: she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore.

Now you need to find a way to accept the truth: the relationship is over.
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