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Old 04-06-2019, 11:31 AM #11
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Default Re: I need help (long.sorry)

Grazie!
Your message is so sweet!
Thank you, all

I'm really afraid to write him, at this point, it seems really too late

As I said, that thing happened in august/september 2017, and we never had other contacts, but we are still using a forum in common and he saw that, after that episode, I wrote messages and I probably seemed happy and relaxed
So it would be really strange to appear now.
In may 2018 I wasn't feeling well and deleted my account

He wrote a message about one months and two weeks ago, he probably think I would never read it but I registered to the forum with a new account.

He wrote a post in a thred regarding compassion, saying that he once met a person that showed interest to him at first and then went completely cold, presuming "she" was fake or not so normal... but beside that he seems (reading what he wrote) offended
I don't know if he was talking about me
But its is very difficult for me to write him a good text after all this time, I think it would hurt him just by remembering a sad past and time lost

Sad and weird situation, I wonder where I had my brain

Thank you everyone, I hope I'll figure it out
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Old 04-11-2019, 03:23 AM #12
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Default Re: I need help (long.sorry)

If you need to make amends because you hurt him, try sending him a message. If you just want to get in contact with him, prepare for him to not like it but try anyway.
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Old 04-11-2019, 06:38 AM #13
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Default Re: I need help (long.sorry)

I agree that, since he is on your mind so much, contacting him with an apology and a short update on your life is worth trying.

A famous ice hockey player said “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.”
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Old 04-12-2019, 12:03 AM #14
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Default Re: I need help (long.sorry)

I agree with the person who said you need to make sure you have zero expectations if you do message him. But it sounds to me like you're not ready for that if you're still thinking about this so much. My advice would be to leave him be. Maybe write a letter to him you won't send. Find a therapist to talk to.

Honestly, I don't think you even did that much wrong. He overreacted, that's his problem, not yours . The biggest "mistake " I can see here is worrying too much over someone who's not worth it.
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Old 04-12-2019, 01:15 AM #15
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Default Re: I need help (long.sorry)

I guess my take on this is a bit different.

I am not sure how you made a mistake or hurt him. I don’t see it. We can’t possibly date everyone who asks us out. It’s inevitable that someone would be rejected. It’s what it is. You weren’t cruel or hurtful. You said you are dating someone else. You weren’t obligated to date him. Actually gracious and decent response on his part would be to thank you for honesty and wish you well. Instead he left you angry message about you not “behaving normal”.

I am not sure why you need to apologize to him. You did nothing wrong. Do you subconsciously want to contact him so you two could possibly date?

I’d address why you are so worried about him. But I’d not address it with him but maybe a professional like a therapist. I’d not worry or over analyze what he writes on forums. What’s at the root of this obsession?
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Old 04-12-2019, 01:26 AM #16
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Default Re: I need help (long.sorry)

Thank you so much

The main problem is really the time, I think
August 2017, oh my
"Hangin in on in quiet disperation is the english way..." I somehow just buried the thing inside of me after it happened even if it was significant

The truth is (sorry i think this is really mind****ing) i wore a mask like if everything was fine and didnt show anything, i've been completely ignored him and stayed with other people
He was young, I shoulded react in some way because i was disturbed but remained silent and paralyzed and disappeared. Put it under a rag and disappeared and never been able to realized i could have been more emphatic to him til i red that message he wrote on that forum* (almost two months ago now, sigh ) realizinf his ego may suffered
I know i'm just a small person but i'm quite worried it really happened
*i've noticed he referred to time in a post last year saying he wasted it
And since I know he has a proud but also introverted and sometimes depressed personality i'm afraid that he slowed down with his things including studies, he's now turning 24 and by the things he wrote i'm afraid he could be in that perception that you have when you're reaching the life-quarter crisis

Sorry i know i'm projecting a lot my worries and also the ridicoulus thing is that i wanted him, but made a stupid caos in that summer day
Now I just want to leave him be, but also i feel the need to scream the truth of what happened, that he was rejected by a disfunctional person and he will meet better ones. How pathetic this is
I don't even know how to contact him since he deleted my number long ago

I'm a grown woman but I have nothing to offer now since I've been unemployed and shut myself in a house for almost two tears more (I should have mentioned this )

I wasn't able to tell this to a psychologist all the time

Sorry, thank you
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Old 04-12-2019, 02:07 AM #17
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Default Re: I need help (long.sorry)

I am sorry to hear that. I heard there is high unemployment rate in Italy now. Could you move to a different town? Maybe even work somewhere else in EU? Are you looking for work? I wonder if not working and struggling contributes to your preoccupation with this guy.
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Old 04-12-2019, 05:46 AM #18
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Default Re: I need help (long.sorry)

Yes
I should talk soon with a psychologist because i'm in a bad situation with mood swings and paralyzed

Ugh, now i wish i could deleted this thread xD
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Old 04-12-2019, 06:47 AM #19
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Default Re: I need help (long.sorry)

Psychologist should help you. Hang in there. Hugs
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Old 04-12-2019, 02:53 PM #20
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Default Re: I need help (long.sorry)

Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
. What’s at the root of this obsession?
I had feelings for him
I don't even know how to explain it
Everything happened too fast and I let it happen. A grown woman let it happened

Then I suffered, but didn't move
Stayed with the other guy.

Then I discovered he suffered

I will talk to a psychologist but i dont even know how to explain
I was covered by shame
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