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Old 04-13-2019, 08:38 AM #21
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Default Re: Update..more like a vent **warning**

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If you have to mention alcohol consumption that means THERE IS A PROBLEM. This man's real relationship that he seems to be powerless over is with his addiction to the Alcohol.

This man who is now 45 years old never learned how to grow up and take control of his life. When you are doing that FOR him, you are being an enabler and a codependent. There is NO true relationship when someone is already involved in a relationship with alcohol. His weekend off from you will most likely be that of cozying up with his alcohol and maybe his drinking buddies, HE WON'T miss you other then maybe you picking up after him and mothering him.

HE has to admit he has a problem and WANT to change that about himself, nothing YOU can do about it either. This weekend off, what are YOU going to do, sit and pout and vent about how you deserve a better partner? Yes, you do deserve a better partner but you are not going to have that until you rid yourself of this dead weight partner that insists on putting his relationship with alcohol before you. Go to an alanon meeting and sit and listen to others that had to learn this lesson and they will all tell you, "run" and get your own life while you are still young enough to find a healthier partner.
He has stayed in touch with me via text and phone calls. However, this is who he is. Alcohol will always be his priority and weíre not on the same page..I believe he was always like this but it just took longer to surface..I know how alcoholics behave too when they donít have a drink one day...they get mean. I saw my own father say mean and hurtful things to my mom and this guy did it to me. Now he wants to talk..and for what? I only see him spiraling downhill. He acknowledged he needs to slow down, but he didnít acknowledge he has a problem. I think I enabled him all this time. We were starting to do other things (dates not in the house) but it was short lived. No wonder he started to have issues with libido..in any event, Iím not going through what my mom did..I have to see him for who he really is, not what he pretended to be.
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Old 04-13-2019, 08:51 AM #22
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Default Re: Update..more like a vent **warning**

Good for you recognizing it. You deserve better. I applaud you for not finding 200 excuses for him and continue to live your life accommodating him and forgetting your needs.

Yeah addicts often donít to go out and do social things like plays and concerts and tours and museums etc because they canít be drunk there. Although I saw a man chugging from a bottle of vodka in Getty museum in LA. No kidding. Granted it was close to the closing time so I guess he couldnít wait.

Iíd stop responding to his texts and calls. Longer you talk to him longer you wonít find good men.
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Old 04-13-2019, 09:03 AM #23
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Good for you recognizing it. You deserve better. I applaud you for not finding 200 excuses for him and continue to live your life accommodating him and forgetting your needs.

Yeah addicts often donít to go out and do social things like plays and concerts and tours and museums etc because they canít be drunk there. Although I saw a man chugging from a bottle of vodka in Getty museum in LA. No kidding. Granted it was close to the closing time so I guess he couldnít wait.

Iíd stop responding to his texts and calls. Longer you talk to him longer you wonít find good men.
Heís trying to hold me back. We were in contact yesterday and he was drinking before 4:00!! Made me ill. We went to a movie once..I wouldnít say it was the best time I ever had either..
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Old 04-13-2019, 09:12 AM #24
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Heís trying to hold me back. We were in contact yesterday and he was drinking before 4:00!! Made me ill. We went to a movie once..I wouldnít say it was the best time I ever had either..
It does sound like he has a drinking problem. Eek. So, my dear, what are you going to do? You sounded so strong and resolute in your first post. You deserve so much more than this. I believe you know this. No one can hold us back or hostage. You need to make a decision to stay or leave and if you leave, make it a clean break. Just know what you truly want and deserve .. is this guy giving that to you? From all youíve written, it seems the answer is no. Cut ties. You can do this!!
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Old 04-13-2019, 09:15 AM #25
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It does sound like he has a drinking problem. Eek. So, my dear, what are you going to do? You sounded so strong and resolute in your first post. You deserve so much more than this. I believe you know this. No one can hold us back or hostage. You need to make a decision to stay or leave and if you leave, make it a clean break. Just know what you truly want and deserve .. is this guy giving that to you? From all youíve written, it seems the answer is no. Cut ties. You can do this!!
I have to cut ties..we spoke over the phone and I thought maybe. Because even he recognized he needs to slow down. But then he was back at it yesterday so I guess his well being doesnít matter, only drinking. 🙄
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Old 04-13-2019, 09:32 AM #26
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I have to cut ties..we spoke over the phone and I thought maybe. Because even he recognized he needs to slow down. But then he was back at it yesterday so I guess his well being doesnít matter, only drinking. 🙄
That will happen with ppl who have a drinking problem. Drinking always comes first, you come last. Never settle for less than what you want and deserve in a relationship, and never sell yourself short in life. Believe in yourself, respect yourself and your needs, and love yourself more than him.. when you love yourself enough and more than any other person, you gain the strength and resolution to say ďnoĒ to situations and people that are bad for you. Heís only going to drag you down, and like you said, hold you back from meeting the RIGHT person. HUGS!
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Old 04-13-2019, 09:41 AM #27
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Heís trying to hold me back. We were in contact yesterday and he was drinking before 4:00!! Made me ill. We went to a movie once..I wouldnít say it was the best time I ever had either..
If you need company to go do things try meetup. Lots of movie groups, walking and traveling groups etc. I met some nice groups of women. If you feel lonely, get yourself busy with social scene and you wonít have the time to be lonely. Try that. When he calls, just donít answer.
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Old 04-13-2019, 09:46 AM #28
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This thread has helped me to see that the times I was mistreated and unloved had something to do with those guysí addictions and not simply that they did not want me.
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Old 04-13-2019, 09:47 AM #29
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Even doing things by yourself and for yourself is extremely empowering, if you donít have the gumption to join social and Interest groups. Some people do, some people donít. Theyíre a great option though and itís a great idea. Free yourself from the weight of this anchor, empower yourself and live life for YOU.
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Old 04-13-2019, 09:47 AM #30
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Yes I know itís for the best..he adds no value to my life at all. I want more than to drink every weekend out of life.
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