Update..more like a vent warning

divine1966 · Apr 13, 2019 at 06:45 PM

Who cares how he was with his ex. He is a bad boyfriend to you. So that’s what matters. Plus I bet if you talked to his ex she’d have some stories to tell.

You only dated few months. Not long term. No need to agonize over him. You can do better

Gymgirl71 · Apr 13, 2019 at 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

Well I can empathize with your reaction to his pulling away, because he's totally being a selfish douche, projecting his ex-g/f's behavior and personality on to you, as though you're going to treat him the way she did (you're not, of course).

He sounds so immature. No one is perfect. But no one should have to compete with an ex, in their current relationship. If that starts happening, I take that as a red flag that the guy I'm with isn't emotionally available and then I have a choice: I can dump him, or I can stay and allow myself to be completely taken advantage of and emotionally abused. I've been where you're at. It's not a pleasant place to be.

Now that I want to put myself first, I won't give any guy a chance if he shows me he's going to be a douche-bag.

Yes! And I even asked him why I am paying for her mistakes? I am not her. Which of course, he denies but the proof is in his actions 100%?

Apr 13, 2019 at 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gymgirl71

Yes! And I even asked him why I am paying for her mistakes? I am not her. Which of course, he denies but the proof is in his actions 100%?

Patterns never lie. Never.

OF COURSE THE PROOF IS IN HIS ACTIONS 100%!

When you're ready, you'll leave that relationship. Right now, it doesn't seem like you want to give up on him yet. I can understand the pull to stay. I did. I paid for it with 2 years of my life wasted on a man who never loved me like he said he did; who LIED about being faithful (he was sleeping with another woman the entire time he was with me), and when I caught his lies on his cellphone (texts between him and the other woman) instead of owning up to his lies and deceit, he tried to keep the focus off himself by focusing on how my snooping was a violation of his privacy. My belief is: if I'm in a relationship with you, I have 100% access to your cellphone anytime I want it (and you have access to mine) because there is transparency and nothing to hide.

I also dated alcoholics. They were all nasty trainwrecks.

Draw a line in the sand. What is enough to make you leave him?

Gymgirl71 · Apr 13, 2019 at 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

Patterns never lie. Never.

OF COURSE THE PROOF IS IN HIS ACTIONS 100%!

When you're ready, you'll leave that relationship. Right now, it doesn't seem like you want to give up on him yet. I can understand the pull to stay. I did. I paid for it with 2 years of my life wasted on a man who never loved me like he said he did; who LIED about being faithful (he was sleeping with another woman the entire time he was with me), and when I caught his lies on his cellphone (texts between him and the other woman) instead of owning up to his lies and deceit, he tried to keep the focus off himself by focusing on how my snooping was a violation of his privacy. My belief is: if I'm in a relationship with you, I have 100% access to your cellphone anytime I want it (and you have access to mine) because there is transparency and nothing to hide.

I also dated alcoholics. They were all nasty trainwrecks.

Draw a line in the sand. What is enough to make you leave him?

Yes it’s enough to end things, I just feel sick over it..

Apr 13, 2019 at 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gymgirl71

Yes it’s enough to end things, I just feel sick over it..

Well breaking away from a toxic source is never fun. But when you realize there are eligible, healthy, normal, reciprocative, respectful single men just waiting to date you rather than this messed up guy, you need to decide if it's a risk you're willing to take. Otherwise, stay stuck with this dead end, whatchamacallit b/c its sure not what a relationship is supposed to look like. Nope. He doesn't want to get help. He wants to be miserable. He wants to make you miserable. He will use you as his closest emotional abuse target, in person, on the cellphone, on the computer only as long as you allow it. Once you prioritize yourself and really see that you are better than he is, you'll find the strength to leave and won't let him reel you back in because you know there's better men out there. The world is gigantic. Is he worth any more time wasted? Your time is valuable. Are you?

Gymgirl71 · Apr 13, 2019 at 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

Well breaking away from a toxic source is never fun. But when you realize there are eligible, healthy, normal, reciprocative, respectful single men just waiting to date you rather than this messed up guy, you need to decide if it's a risk you're willing to take. Otherwise, stay stuck with this dead end, whatchamacallit b/c its sure not what a relationship is supposed to look like. Nope. He doesn't want to get help. He wants to be miserable. He wants to make you miserable. He will use you as his closest emotional abuse target, in person, on the cellphone, on the computer only as long as you allow it. Once you prioritize yourself and really see that you are better than he is, you'll find the strength to leave and won't let him reel you back in because you know there's better men out there. The world is gigantic. Is he worth any more time wasted? Your time is valuable. Are you?

Definitely....hate to say this but his treatment has really chipped away at my self esteem because he knows how to push my buttons..he knows my fear of abandonment. So he can ignore my texts at times to be in control. It makes him feel better about himself apparently. Dunno what his therapist is even doing for him because he seems worse not better

Apr 13, 2019 at 08:39 PM

So, when you're ready, you'll walk away. You're not ready yet. That's ok. Why does it matter to you still, what his therapist is or isn't doing for him?

Have Hope · Apr 13, 2019 at 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gymgirl71

Definitely....hate to say this but his treatment has really chipped away at my self esteem because he knows how to push my buttons..he knows my fear of abandonment. So he can ignore my texts at times to be in control. It makes him feel better about himself apparently. Dunno what his therapist is even doing for him because he seems worse not better

Which means that it's a great time to start working on re-building your self-esteem again.

You have the power to walk away from this relationship, you have the power to say "no" to what is not good for you, and you have the power to not allow him to push your buttons anymore.

Once you realize this and truly feel it within every fiber of your being, you will feel extremely empowered. Your self-respect and self-esteem will grow and soar. You owe it to yourself to feel good in life, and to feel good about yourself. You're worth it!!!

Gymgirl71 · Apr 13, 2019 at 09:11 PM

This relationship has definitely ran it’s course...I have tried to be patient with him but he’s truly undeserving of my attention.

Gymgirl71 · Apr 13, 2019 at 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

Well breaking away from a toxic source is never fun. But when you realize there are eligible, healthy, normal, reciprocative, respectful single men just waiting to date you rather than this messed up guy, you need to decide if it's a risk you're willing to take. Otherwise, stay stuck with this dead end, whatchamacallit b/c its sure not what a relationship is supposed to look like. Nope. He doesn't want to get help. He wants to be miserable. He wants to make you miserable. He will use you as his closest emotional abuse target, in person, on the cellphone, on the computer only as long as you allow it. Once you prioritize yourself and really see that you are better than he is, you'll find the strength to leave and won't let him reel you back in because you know there's better men out there. The world is gigantic. Is he worth any more time wasted? Your time is valuable. Are you?

He’s got to go

divine1966 · Apr 13, 2019 at 10:36 PM

Good for you. Stay strong

Gymgirl71 · Apr 13, 2019 at 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Good for you. Stay strong

The thought of staying with him is just creeping me out

divine1966 · Apr 14, 2019 at 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gymgirl71

The thought of staying with him is just creeping me out

Glad to hear.

Open Eyes · Apr 14, 2019 at 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gymgirl71

The PTSD is from a previous relationship and he’s in therapy. So he’s created boundaries when I am not his ex. Boundaries that are completely selfish

I believe you, he is not healed enough to be in another relationship which is what you are ending up suffering from. The fact that he is self medicating with the alcohol doesn't help either. There is just no way that you can experience a healthy relationship with a person who is struggling that badly.

Apr 14, 2019 at 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gymgirl71

The thought of staying with him is just creeping me out

Good. You're moving in the right direction now.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Update..more like a vent warning

My Support Forums

divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,369 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Apr 13, 2019 at 06:45 PM #41 Who cares how he was with his ex. He is a bad boyfriend to you. So that’s what matters. Plus I bet if you talked to his ex she’d have some stories to tell. You only dated few months. Not long term. No need to agonize over him. You can do better
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous48672 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 13, 2019 at 08:39 PM #47 So, when you're ready, you'll walk away. You're not ready yet. That's ok. Why does it matter to you still, what his therapist is or isn't doing for him?
	Reply With Quote

Gymgirl71 Member Member Since Jan 2015 Location: USA Posts: 264 9 6 hugs given	Apr 13, 2019 at 09:11 PM #49 This relationship has definitely ran it’s course...I have tried to be patient with him but he’s truly undeserving of my attention.
	Reply With Quote

divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,369 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Apr 13, 2019 at 10:36 PM #51 Good for you. Stay strong
	Reply With Quote

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Update..more like a vent **warning**

My Support Forums

Update..more like a vent warning