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Old 04-10-2019, 05:17 PM #21
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Default Re: Disappointed by a Few Online Friendships

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Originally Posted by Have Hope View Post
Thank you Fuzzy! I'm with you entirely! I've met some wonderful people online as well... and they wouldn't turn on a dime either. Yet, some do, just as you said.

I definitely feel that some are real friends. How can they not be when you share intimate details of your life with them? That's how I feel.


But even if you shared intimate details of your life with these people, several of them ghosted you or stopped replying. So possibly they werenít really real friends? Sharing intimate details isnít enough to make people true friends. It might actually be easier to share intimate details with anonymous people online. In real life it takes some time to open your heart. And itís sometimes challenging to be vulnerable. It might be easier online. Just a thought
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Old 04-10-2019, 05:43 PM #22
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Default Re: Disappointed by a Few Online Friendships

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But even if you shared intimate details of your life with these people, several of them ghosted you or stopped replying. So possibly they werenít really real friends? Sharing intimate details isnít enough to make people true friends. It might actually be easier to share intimate details with anonymous people online. In real life it takes some time to open your heart. And itís sometimes challenging to be vulnerable. It might be easier online. Just a thought
Interesting perspective, thanks, Divine. Iíve been ghosted twice in five or more years. Some have come and gone and have been fleeting, much like real life. Itís a different world online I suppose. But yeah I felt these friendships were real based on the intimacy shared.
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Old 04-10-2019, 05:54 PM #23
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Default Re: Disappointed by a Few Online Friendships

Personally I think there is a place for online relationships. For instance, I just got home from work and I can't go out but I can compose an e-mail. I can say things to an internet friend that I don't have to worry about following me. I think the issue that is coming up for me lately is the poor quality of them, as opposed to what they used to be in the past.

Perhaps this is a bigger issue.

In general I think the quality of the internet is going down and that is a shame. My guess... more *good* / *quality* people have gotten off the net and are trying to forge more real life relationships because of issues like you have had.

While the bad quality remain. I just had a thread like this on another message board I belong to.

We also commiserated about the fact that message boards seem to be going by the wayside and how, it does seem, that people don't want to (or can't) write a lot. They are happy to write the Twitter line but not an entire e-mail. I also lay this at the feet of phones because you can't really write a long e-mail on a phone.

So most of the high quality people on the net end up on facebook or twitter and don't really make lasting friends there. They connect with their real life friends on there.

This board seems to be a bit of an exception but still you have the occasional troll. I have had some amazing internet friends and some bad ones. I am sorry to say though all the amazing ones were from about 12 years ago.
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Old 04-10-2019, 10:41 PM #24
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Default Re: Disappointed by a Few Online Friendships

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Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton View Post
Personally I think there is a place for online relationships. For instance, I just got home from work and I can't go out but I can compose an e-mail. I can say things to an internet friend that I don't have to worry about following me. I think the issue that is coming up for me lately is the poor quality of them, as opposed to what they used to be in the past.

Perhaps this is a bigger issue.

In general I think the quality of the internet is going down and that is a shame. My guess... more *good* / *quality* people have gotten off the net and are trying to forge more real life relationships because of issues like you have had.

While the bad quality remain. I just had a thread like this on another message board I belong to.

We also commiserated about the fact that message boards seem to be going by the wayside and how, it does seem, that people don't want to (or can't) write a lot. They are happy to write the Twitter line but not an entire e-mail. I also lay this at the feet of phones because you can't really write a long e-mail on a phone.

So most of the high quality people on the net end up on facebook or twitter and don't really make lasting friends there. They connect with their real life friends on there.

This board seems to be a bit of an exception but still you have the occasional troll. I have had some amazing internet friends and some bad ones. I am sorry to say though all the amazing ones were from about 12 years ago.
Interesting perspective! I donít really know myself to compare past and present. All I know is the now. And itís pAtchy at best.
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Old 04-11-2019, 06:59 AM #25
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Default Re: Disappointed by a Few Online Friendships

I've gotten a lot of great feedback here, so thank you everyone. I've thought about it more, and to me, with some of these women online I've felt closer to than other women in my life because I've revealed some pretty deep things about myself that I may not share with others in person. Mental health forums & other online forums do that... .they open you up to revealing aspects of yourself you may not otherwise reveal to the rest of the world. So when I've shared such deep and intimate details of my life and my emotional state with another, it feels like a true friendship and closeness. Now I know some on here have said it's not a real friendship but to me it truly is. That's just my own experience and perspective on it. So, yes, I've been let down and disappointed by a few women whom I thought were true friends. I guess I was wrong to think that just because we share ourselves intimately, that that translates to how you would operate in a true friendship when it's face to face. Although I've been disappointed by some of those friendships too. I guess the bottom line is: some people are just disappointing, whether that be online or offline.
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Last edited by Have Hope; 04-11-2019 at 07:20 AM.
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Old 04-11-2019, 07:28 AM #26
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Default Re: Disappointed by a Few Online Friendships

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Originally Posted by Have Hope View Post
I've gotten a lot of great feedback here, so thank you everyone. I've thought about it more, and to me, with some of these women online I've felt closer to than other women in my life because I've revealed some pretty deep things about myself that I may not share with others in person. Mental health forums & other online forums do that... .they open you up to revealing aspects of yourself you may not otherwise reveal to the rest of the world. So when I've shared such deep and intimate details of my life and my emotional state with another, it feels like a true friendship and closeness. Now I know some on here have said it's not a real friendship but to me it truly is. That's just my own experience and perspective on it. So, yes, I've been let down and disappointed by a few women whom I thought were true friends. I guess I was wrong to think that just because we share ourselves intimately, that that translates to how you would operate in a true friendship when it's face to face. Although I've been disappointed by some of those friendships too. I guess the bottom line is: some people are just disappointing, whether that be online or offline.
I do not think you are wrong about how you understand online friendship. Itís just others might not see it that way. Itís not right or wrong. And itís understndable to expect decent treatment. For example if I decide to get off PC permanently or temporarily, Iíd inform few people I talk to on here in PM. Iíd not just vanish. So if people take a break from online communication, they better tell whoever they communicate with that they are too busy etc
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Old 04-11-2019, 07:30 AM #27
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Default Re: Disappointed by a Few Online Friendships

I tend to stick to one main friendship, but then in a situation like you described, op, sometimes I feel like I am too dependent on this one person and too much impacted by their quirks. Lately I have tried to build a few more relationships so if one person isnít responding or is frustrating me with their behavior, I can contact the other person/people. But then it gets more complicated keeping up .
One thing I have found most difficult about online friendships that some people have so many that they really arenít as attentive to me,. That is,they are using the quantity rather than quality approach with friendships.I know one person who doesnít even answer all his emails, tho he works such long hours overseas in Iraq where he has to fight the isolation that sometimes I feel OK about this.
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Old 04-11-2019, 09:46 AM #28
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Default Re: Disappointed by a Few Online Friendships

I think a lot of people that ghost are just dealing with their own challenges and they genuinely don't feel social or may not feel like connecting and don't have the ability to think about others as much.
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Old 04-11-2019, 12:12 PM #29
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Default Re: Disappointed by a Few Online Friendships

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My main point is that I keep getting disappointed by my online friendships. Not all of course, but a few.

Maybe I should be pickier about my friendships?
Sometimes we can set our expectations too high on others....sometimes we expect them to respond like us when in reality they are themselves with their own way of handling things.

Neither is right or wrong but it is personal behaviors. Any time we set expectations that aren't met we get disappointed. Over the years I have learned to just accept what happens & deal with it in the way my gut feeling leads.
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Old 04-11-2019, 12:37 PM #30
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Default Re: Disappointed by a Few Online Friendships

I think even without setting expectations, there's nothing you can do to control another person's response to your actions. Literally, nothing you can do. I have to disagree with you that having expectations is wrong. It's actually good to have set expectations. That's the way you set boundaries with people. If people don't know what your boundaries are -- expectations, standards -- then, their behavior can really hurt you. That's why it's imperative to set expectations with people you met online or in person through clear communication with each other.
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