How do you know that people care about you? - Page 2 - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-15-2019, 10:09 AM #11
saidso's Avatar
saidso saidso is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 490
saidso saidso is offline
Member
saidso's Avatar
saidso has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 490 (SuperPoster!)

149 hugs
given
Default Re: How do you know that people care about you?

BUILD TRUST.
I agree that it's hard to know. I just feel whether someone makes an effort to build trust one brick at a time. Starts by them being reliable, contributing enjoyment of sharing basic life things. Them acknowledging when I offer kindness.
HONESTY
I don't want to know a person's entire life history the first time we meet, but people who are honest when asked what they would prefer. People who ask for small things that they need them but who can respect a genuine "yes" or "no" in return.
GOODWILL
People who can say "I'm mad at you, but all in all you're a good 'un.
JOY
Purposely doing things that nurture joy in a friendship is important to me.
__________________
*"Fierce <-> Reality"*

oh god I am struggling today, help me to remember how to stay connected and human!

remember: the nut shell against human predators and my own fear!
saidso is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 04-15-2019, 11:02 AM #12
healingme4me's Avatar
healingme4me healingme4me is offline
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 45,976
healingme4me healingme4me is offline
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
healingme4me's Avatar
healingme4me Needs a little reading lamp.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 45,976 (SuperPoster!)

5 yr Member
6,418 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How do you know that people care about you?

I don't think it's easy to know immediately. I agree with time. I agree with actions speaking louder than words. Don't whisper sweet nothings without backing it up with some consistency in patterns. I agree with reciprocal relationships being a determining factor. I totally agree with the active listening point. It over time displays down the road about being heard and understood-two of my high on the list needs in any relationship. Sometimes a person can be aloof and obtuse but then display knowing your values and likes and dislikes in time through 'action'.

But I think the most important thing is having the wherewithal to be content with yourself to the point if surrounded by but nothing but a pack of thieves, that you can stand still amidst the storm and ride it out until better times.
healingme4me is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-15-2019, 01:02 PM #13
saidso's Avatar
saidso saidso is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 490
saidso saidso is offline
Member
saidso's Avatar
saidso has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 490 (SuperPoster!)

149 hugs
given
Default Re: How do you know that people care about you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
I don't think it's easy to know immediately. I agree with time. I agree with actions speaking louder than words. Don't whisper sweet nothings without backing it up with some consistency in patterns. I agree with reciprocal relationships being a determining factor. I totally agree with the active listening point. It over time displays down the road about being heard and understood-two of my high on the list needs in any relationship. Sometimes a person can be aloof and obtuse but then display knowing your values and likes and dislikes in time through 'action'.

But I think the most important thing is having the wherewithal to be content with yourself to the point if surrounded by but nothing but a pack of thieves, that you can stand still amidst the storm and ride it out until better times.
Ah! yes!
__________________
*"Fierce <-> Reality"*

oh god I am struggling today, help me to remember how to stay connected and human!

remember: the nut shell against human predators and my own fear!
saidso is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-20-2019, 02:32 AM #14
TheNightWhistle's Avatar
TheNightWhistle TheNightWhistle is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Montreal
Posts: 114
TheNightWhistle TheNightWhistle is offline
Member
TheNightWhistle's Avatar
TheNightWhistle Nothing but love to give
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Montreal
Posts: 114

42 hugs
given
Default Re: How do you know that people care about you?

You've all made some really great points. After reading them, that confirms that I don't have many genuine relationships I do have a couple of very good friendships, so it's not completely hopeless for me but it makes me sad to realize that people have been using me for most of my life. A worse realization is that all of these people thought that I was pathetic enough to take advantage of.
__________________
"If you don't like something, change it, and if you can't change it, change your attitude." - Maya Angelou
TheNightWhistle is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 04-20-2019, 03:37 PM #15
healingme4me's Avatar
healingme4me healingme4me is offline
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 45,976
healingme4me healingme4me is offline
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
healingme4me's Avatar
healingme4me Needs a little reading lamp.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 45,976 (SuperPoster!)

5 yr Member
6,418 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How do you know that people care about you?

I don't know how to respond to this enormous piece of self degragation. I mean even packs of wolves individually aren't cunning enough to do what you're describing. Sure humans have a tendancy to feed a need in some way shape or form but I find it hard to believe that even in packs of thieves there isn't some piece that is genuine.
Maybe you've just grown and acknowleding that this crowd isn't for you doesn't make it all about them predating on you.
healingme4me is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 04-21-2019, 04:00 AM #16
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 717
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 717 (SuperPoster!)

1,427 hugs
given
Default Re: How do you know that people care about you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheNightWhistle View Post
So my question is, what are some of the signs in communication that prove that a relationship with someone is genuine, and that they honestly care about you?
People who want to hang out with you for the sake of hanging out. People who enjoy being in your presence and like you for who you are, rather than for what you can give them.

Someone used to invite me to "hang out" with her and whenever I get there, she would ask me for favors or seek my help.

I can only remember one time that we actually hung out and really just hung out (she actually asked to hang out longer that day but I said "gotta go" and left. Had I stayed longer, she probably would have asked for favors).
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-21-2019, 04:34 AM #17
TishaBuv's Avatar
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 6,862
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
Elder
TishaBuv's Avatar
TishaBuv has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 6,862 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
831 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How do you know that people care about you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheNightWhistle View Post
You've all made some really great points. After reading them, that confirms that I don't have many genuine relationships I do have a couple of very good friendships, so it's not completely hopeless for me but it makes me sad to realize that people have been using me for most of my life. A worse realization is that all of these people thought that I was pathetic enough to take advantage of.
They canít take advantage of you, if you donít let them. You may be too accommodating, so people start to ask more of you, then you feel used. Itís about boundaries.

There are people Iíve met who are just nervy and others who arenít. Are you enabling the nervy people?
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-21-2019, 11:12 AM #18
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 398
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 398

1 yr Member
107 hugs
given
Default Re: How do you know that people care about you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheNightWhistle View Post
You've all made some really great points. After reading them, that confirms that I don't have many genuine relationships I do have a couple of very good friendships, so it's not completely hopeless for me but it makes me sad to realize that people have been using me for most of my life. A worse realization is that all of these people thought that I was pathetic enough to take advantage of.
Introspection and reflection are a necessary part of our lives, when we need to take time to figure out what's working and not working in our lives.

It's good that after you took stock of your relationships, you've concluded that you have a couple of very good friendships. As for the rest of the one-sided friendships you experienced, let it go. Did you learn anything about yourself from those negative experiences?

Being a codependent, I had a ton of one-sided friendships because I grew up with the dysfunctional belief from toxic parents, that the only way to get people to like me, was to do things for them. Now, I'm nearly 50, and after lots of therapy, realize that belief I held really hurt me and caused me to pursue one-sided friendships, where people took advantage of my codependent personality and need to please, for their benefit.

I don't know if you're codependent but you may want to explore what your system of values or core beliefs are with a therapist, to determine why you find yourself in one-sided friendships with people. Once you figure out the reasons why you allow that to happen you can take the steps needed to stop that pattern with your interpersonal relationships. It's all about the pattern. The universe is made up of patterns, so it's figuring out which patterns benefit you, and which ones don't benefit you. Does that make sense?
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 04-21-2019, 01:47 PM #19
Sisabel's Avatar
Sisabel Sisabel is online now
Poohbah
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 1,370
Sisabel Sisabel is online now
Poohbah
Sisabel's Avatar
Sisabel always trying...
 
Member Since: May 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 1,370 (SuperPoster!)

1 yr Member
363 hugs
given
Default Re: How do you know that people care about you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
I donít know

I used to think I had some idea

Some value

But the abusers were all right

I have no value

Iím sorry about the negative post,



PS I would delete this but maybe there is a tiny one in a million chance it might help someone



I was wrong about so many irl they all turned into abusers apart from one



I think body language in real life? But I was wrong ... parental units set me up to



ďFailĒ



Online itís harder



One of my best friends online said donít trust anyone until youíve known them for 4 years



Sorry about this useless post.



Hugs to you


The four years things actually makes sense. Last year I realized two people I thought were good friends actually werenít. That was after four years of being what I thought was good friends and I had trusted them with too much information. I think your online friend is right.
Sisabel is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 04-21-2019, 11:04 PM #20
TheNightWhistle's Avatar
TheNightWhistle TheNightWhistle is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Montreal
Posts: 114
TheNightWhistle TheNightWhistle is offline
Member
TheNightWhistle's Avatar
TheNightWhistle Nothing but love to give
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: Montreal
Posts: 114

42 hugs
given
Default Re: How do you know that people care about you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post
Introspection and reflection are a necessary part of our lives, when we need to take time to figure out what's working and not working in our lives.

I don't know if you're codependent but you may want to explore what your system of values or core beliefs are with a therapist, to determine why you find yourself in one-sided friendships with people. Once you figure out the reasons why you allow that to happen you can take the steps needed to stop that pattern with your interpersonal relationships. It's all about the pattern. The universe is made up of patterns, so it's figuring out which patterns benefit you, and which ones don't benefit you. Does that make sense?
Thank you for the very insightful advice. The whole basis of therapy is identifying patterns in our lives that make it the way it is, and then changing them right? I don't think i'm codependent but other peoples' opinions can really affect me, if they're from somebody I care about. I'm easily persuaded by people into doing things because I worry that if I say no, I'll be killing the mood or something. I have to work on saying no and sounding like I mean it.
__________________
"If you don't like something, change it, and if you can't change it, change your attitude." - Maya Angelou
TheNightWhistle is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:34 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.