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Open Eyes
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 04:53 PM
  #21
You might frighten your boyfriend. People don't understand or know how to respond to someone who talks about feeling suicidal, that's why it's better to talk to a therapist that understands it and can validate you in ways nonprofessionals can't or don't know how.
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 05:41 PM
  #22
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Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
You might frighten your boyfriend. People don't understand or know how to respond to someone who talks about feeling suicidal, that's why it's better to talk to a therapist that understands it and can validate you in ways nonprofessionals can't or don't know how.
Thank you. And yes I totally see where you're coming from.

However, if the tables were turned and he was feeling this way and couldn't communicate this with me I'd feel so hurt by that.

I can't keep on pretending to him I'm ok. He's knows something isn't right. He's asked a few times, he even dug a bit suggesting topics that could have been on my mind such as friends family work is etc. If he'd had asked if I'm having problems with ME then I'm pretty sure I would have just broken down and spilled it all.

I'm not mad at him at all for not asking the RIGHT things, it's just makes it a little easier if you know what I mean... To have someone prompt a little to get you started
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 06:22 PM
  #23
I think you might inform him so that he knows what is going on, but not expect him to be able to heal you. He can support you but the actual healing work would be done with a therapist.
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 07:03 PM
  #24
I have suicidal ideation from time to time. It unfortunately goes along with depression...particularly chronic untreated depression. It's not new to me so at this point I've trained myself to just let the thoughts be...if I don't build them up too much or fear them too much they start to settle down in time. I DO tell my partner. Sometimes my mother. It's a relief to tell someone because when I try to only keep the thoughts to myself they get more frequent or more intense. My partner doesn't need to do anything, just listens or gives me a hug or asks if I need a ride to the doctor.

if I get to a point when nothing is letting up and I feel very scared of what i might do, I just go to a doctor and say that my depression is really bad. I don't even necessarily mention the suicidal ideation....usually they can tell when they see me that I feel awful. I often find that just the conversation and connection with an experienced doctor makes me feel better. And of course they'll talk about new therapy options because meds have never worked for me and they make me sick with side-effects. Often by the time I get home after the appointment, I feel quite a bit better. The last time I did therapy, my psychologist was not helpful with suicidal ideation because she'd shut the talk down or shame me when I really wanted to share the bizarre ideas in my mind. However, a better therapist would probably talk it all through with you and perhaps offer coping strategies.

Does it help to tell us? I have called helplines a few times in my life when I was living alone and there was nobody to tell.

One time, I was having really intense suicidal ideation out of nowhere (with no desire to act on it) and my partner knows that meditation helps me. it was late at night. he helped me get to bed (I was crying a lot) and then put on a guided meditation on YouTube which was designed for people feeling suicidal. It calmed me and then I was able to fall asleep. By the time I woke up, I felt better. Good sleep is very important for daily regulation of emotions. How's your sleep?
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 07:04 PM
  #25
I also found an article written for partners of people living with depression. My guy said it was really helpful.
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 07:07 PM
  #26
And with the people I love, I have directly told all of them, during calm times, that my mental health is not their responsibility and that if I ever tell them I have suidical ideation, it is NEVER a suicide threat (that would be emotional abuse) but just me sharing some scary thoughts so they don't build up in my mind too much. If someone is actually intending to end their life, they don't tell anyone, they just go off and do it. But it is helpful to explain the difference to people you are close to. They'll be less inclined to panic and more likely to be helpful.
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 07:08 PM
  #27
if you had difficulty breathing or you had severe chest pains would you keep them to yourself? would you seek medical attention? more then likely you would seek attention, so why are these thoughts any different? seek medical attention. find a therapist. counselor. call a help line. get the issue addressed. know what you are dealing with..and if needed see a psychiatrist or your dr for medication. difficulty breathing makes living difficult, as does chest pains...so do suicidal thoughts. asking for help here is good but really no one here can really help make you "better" ie make the thoughts go away or address them. none of us possess those skills. you need someone who has mad skills and knows how to use them.
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 07:22 PM
  #28
There's no stigma against telling someone that you have sharp chest pains. There is however both stigma and fear around suicidal ideation. So those examples are quite different. If we can have dialogue (not during an emergency, that is when a person immediately needs a doctor) about suicidal ideation, how common it is, how it can be worked through...I think that could help people to feel more comfortable in actually seeking professional help. Shutting people down as soon as they mention SI only adds to the stigma. Though yes, of course PC is neither a therapy nor an emergency response. But we can certainly talk about unpleasant thoughts and feelings, right? To remind people that these are symptoms of depression and panic....the thoughts don't make you weird or a freak or broken....they are communication from Body, Mind, and Spirit that some changes are required in order to regain balance and peace.
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 07:34 PM
  #29
going to a professional and speaking of those thoughts does not apply stigma. unless you apply it. mental illness is just that, an illness, same as diabetes, heart disease, etc. to not address those symptoms is placing yourself in a dangerous situation..same as you ignored those other symptoms. I am not saying don't talk about them, but if you are that concerned to address them , then perhaps address them in a manner to get help. we are talking here about suicidal thoughts. original poster sounded concerned enough to bring the issue up, I just felt that it meant addressing it with professionals who could apply actual resources to the situation..just as they would if it were other serious medical concerns.
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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 07:36 PM
  #30
Doctors and therapists are there when you need them. For other times, try some meditation and see if it gives your mind a rest...are you able to step outside of the negative thoughts or at least see them as less significant than they are? We don't have to believe our thoughts, right?

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Default Apr 15, 2019 at 07:40 PM
  #31
I didn't read every post on the thread. I thought the OP was referring to thoughts she did not wish to act on and had already tried therapy...or is still in the process of therapy. Did I miss a piece? Folks already included the hotline #s which was useful.
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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 02:50 PM
  #32
not going to argue the benefits of contacting medical personal who come with various levels of attention & professional treatment options over meditation. just not going there. that works for you. i'm happy. keeps YOU off the ledge good. some people need more then that and need folks who have been trained to do so. for those I would hardily suggest using the medical system put in place for just such a thing.
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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 03:01 PM
  #33
Honestly I'm just scared.

Whenever I've had therapy they have said if they are concerned for my well-being the will have to take it further. What if expressing my thoughts makes them thing this?

You hear about people reaching out only to be shipped off to a ward and have their kids taken away
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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 04:07 PM
  #34
a good therapist should be able to determine what steps need to be taken. and honestly, going to the hospital might be the best step. maybe it will give you some time to relax in a safe place, get on to some meds in a safe way and just in general be totally safe. most times you don't have to stay an eternity..no one wants that..they want you to be safe. to be alive. and as for your kids, if you can't manage yourself, maybe they need to be safe as well. usually the minimum is 3 days. you can do that...for your life, for their life. they don't need to see you at your worst, worrying if all is going to be ok?

being scared is a good thing...now do something about it. you won't be the first to show up at an er scared. I was. each time. and on the other hand each person I talked off that ledge was just as scared...scared is ok. scared helps you realize it's ok to get help.
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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 04:24 PM
  #35
What happened when to went to the ER?
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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 05:05 PM
  #36
I walked up to the desk & said "I don't feel safe." they said ok & immediately took me inside to a small room. a nurse came in than began taking my vitals and talking with me. shortly, they took me into the main er and placed me in a small room in the back where I could be alone. I changed into a gown & they took all my stuff (I knew I was going to stay so I brought 3 days worth clothing). soon a nurse came in again and checked on me, asked if I wanted something to eat. etc. a dr came in and sat with me and chatted..asked about the feelings, what had been going on, did I feel safe? did I think I would act on them? what kind of support I had at home etc. it was very calm. eventually they came in & said I would be admitted to the floor. they packed up all my stuff and me and wheeled me up there. once there I was introduced to the desk staff etc. another nurse interviewed me and got me settled in. they took my clothes for a day . it was scary when the door locked , but I got used to that quickly (it was a locked ward..a smaller unti) men on one side, women the other some had single rooms others not) everyone ate in the common rooms, there was art therapy, group therapy, etc. food was decent you could order what you wanted, snacks during the day.

honestly it wasn't bad. nurses check checking in on you, dr as well. you had access to a phone, tv's. don't recall about cell phones etc.. I was discharged after 4 days with a follow up with my dr & therapist. visitors were allowed.

I was in a few more times. for medicine changes , etc, suicide issues etc. it is a great resource to have available. all they want is for you to heal & feel better. not like the horror shows of tv.
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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 06:02 PM
  #37
I just want to clarify something. A responder may have misunderstood my posts. I was not suggesting that mediTation should be a substitution for therapy and/or medical options. I have used all of these options (drug trials, CBT, TCM, mindfulness, mediTation) down the years in my own life for depression and anxiety. And when people are taking meds or talking to professionals they often have time alone when they feel awful too....mediTation is very helpful for those times when people are home alone and stuck or frustrated. It is also a well-researched effective method for ameliorating depression and anxiety.

Folks, when we respond to threads, let's please be respectful of each other's ideas and offerings. And let's not jump to conclusions or make snide references to other posters. We are all here to support each other. We are all in need. And we are all human. There is no need to be adversarial.

I am here wishing everyone peace regardless of which options they favor. What works for one person may not work for another. And what helps someone at one point in their life may not be as useful as something else later on. We are not talking about a black-and-white problem. Depression is complex.

Last edited by Anonymous44076; Apr 16, 2019 at 06:14 PM..
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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 06:09 PM
  #38
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What happened when to went to the ER?
How do you feel today Icedgem? What is your gut telling you...do you think you need a doctor? If you feel unsure, you could tell the doctor something like "Well I feel quite bad and I have negative thoughts bothering me but I have zero desire to act on these thoughts. What I'd really like is to have a safe chat with an experienced provider about my thoughts and feelings."

Am I understanding you correctly, Icedgem? You do not have a plan to end your life....you want someone to help you work through the suicidal ideation?
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Default Apr 16, 2019 at 06:15 PM
  #39
Sending you peace and hope!
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