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Old 04-13-2019, 04:51 PM #1
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Default Last-minute "itis" is SO RUDE

I just defriended a new acquaintance on Facebook b/c she canceled plans we made to meetup for dinner, TWICE, b/c she got better invites from her other friends at the last minute, on the nights we were supposed to meet for dinner.

I have zero tolerance for last minute plan invites from people (I always say no, that's MY preference b/c I'm not going to drop what my plans are to meetup with someone when it's only convenient for them). And zero tolerance for being cancelled on, b/c someone else invited you out with better plans.

If my time and company isn't important to you, then we can't be friends. Period.

This acquaintance, upon first meeting me, accused me of being "fake" and tried to tell me that I was putting on a good act with her, acting all outgoing and nice. She was with two other mutual friends (who haven't cancelled on me, or told me I was putting on a fake act with them). When I told her that her comments really hurt my feelings she just minimalized my feelings, which I took a sign of verbal abuse and decided she wasn't someone I wanted to nurture a friendship with. Yuck. Now, do I owe our 2 mutual friends an explanation? I'm debating that. I don't think I do. I may wait to see if they bring it up. And if they do, I'll address it. But if they don't, I won't bring it up.

It's so irritating b/c when you are middle age, it gets harder to meet people to become friends with.
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Old 04-13-2019, 05:06 PM #2
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Default Re: Last-minute "itis" is SO RUDE

What would you do? Anyone have any opinions? Ever been through this?
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Old 04-13-2019, 05:18 PM #3
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Default Re: Last-minute "itis" is SO RUDE

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, StreetcarBlanche! I completely agree with you that it was pretty rude of her to act like that! Her comments about you being "fake" were ABSOLUTELY uncalled for! You did the right think by cutting off contacts with her and taking care of yourself! I do believe you don't owe any explaination to her or your friends. If they DO bring it up, just try to be honest with them and to explain to them what happened with her, but I believe you don't have any obligation to bring it up yourself first! I'm so sorry, I know it's hard to make friend! Don't worry, I'm SURE you'll be able to make some new TRUE friends who will truly accept you and truly love you for who you TRULY are! Please NEVER give up HOPE! Just try to hang on as much as you possibly CAN! I'm so Sorry you have to deal with all of this, StreetcarBlanche!
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Old 04-13-2019, 05:26 PM #4
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Default Re: Last-minute "itis" is SO RUDE

Thanks for the response Mickey. No one really ever responds to my threads here anymore. Not sure why that is. But I've noticed it's become a pattern.
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Old 04-13-2019, 05:40 PM #5
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Default Re: Last-minute "itis" is SO RUDE

I dont have much advice but I'll try. I wouldn't bring it up either if it were me. Let them ask like you planned on and then you can explain your feelings. I hope it works out and if only there was a way to make better friends and meet new people. With social media these days I feel it's hard to have any real connection with people and harder to interact
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Old 04-13-2019, 05:57 PM #6
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Originally Posted by Heartache11 View Post
I dont have much advice but I'll try. I wouldn't bring it up either if it were me. Let them ask like you planned on and then you can explain your feelings. I hope it works out and if only there was a way to make better friends and meet new people. With social media these days I feel it's hard to have any real connection with people and harder to interact
Thanks for your response. I feel like cellphones and Facebook make people think their manners are no longer necessary, because they can instantly contact you to cancel plans, or do a last minute invite now.

I grew up in the 1970s, 80s, and 90s before cellphones and this never happened to me with people I became friends with. So, I feel like technology is responsible for the dismissive way people treat each other now. And when you tell someone that their actions hurt you, they act offended (to offset their guilt perhaps, or they're just dicks and don't want to be held accountable) or blase about it.

Ok, I will not bring it up unless the two mutual friends do. I hope I can make new friends who mutually respect me. Those types of connections are so rare to find.
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Old 04-13-2019, 06:01 PM #7
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Default Re: Last-minute "itis" is SO RUDE

You did the right thing. Honestly I have come to accept that I probably am NOT going to have a lot of friendships in the future. People are moving away from the people who I need in my life.
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Old 04-13-2019, 06:10 PM #8
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Default Re: Last-minute "itis" is SO RUDE

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You did the right thing. Honestly I have come to accept that I probably am NOT going to have a lot of friendships in the future. People are moving away from the people who I need in my life.
Thanks for your response Emily. It's nice to get feedback here, as sometimes I'll create a thread and no one responds.

Thank you for confirming my gut, that I was right to just delete her from my Facebook. I thought about her behavior today, and decided I just want to have people in my life -- even online -- who like me. She clearly doesn't like me. I mean, who tells someone they've just me "I think you're fake." And then agrees to meet you for dinner but cancels on you twice, telling you each time they had better last minute plans come up? How is that respectful behavior? Only a very snarky, superficial person does that to someone else. I just don't get it. I don't treat people that way and I'm not an ogre. It really hurt my feelings. Her reaction today online was so snide and blase, it just makes me so angry! Like, she thinks she's better than me?!

Sorry to hear your support system of friends are moving away. I hope you'll find new friends too. I don't even have that anymore as they both live in another country (my closest friends).
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Old 04-13-2019, 06:49 PM #9
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It sucks. I knew someone like that. She was so called “boy crazy”. She chose guys over everything (random guys not like her husband). One of those who always needed a man. Every time some random guy asked her out last minute, she’d cancel plans with me or other girlfriends. Needless to say we are not friends anymore. I cut ties. That’s what I’d do. Be done.
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Old 04-13-2019, 07:15 PM #10
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It sucks. I knew someone like that. She was so called “boy crazy”. She chose guys over everything (random guys not like her husband). One of those who always needed a man. Every time some random guy asked her out last minute, she’d cancel plans with me or other girlfriends. Needless to say we are not friends anymore. I cut ties. That’s what I’d do. Be done.
So you've experienced the snarky fair-weather friend type, too? They are awful people, aren't they?

I can't believe your former friend chose men over her female friendships. Clearly, her priority was men not friendships with women. Pathetic. I know women like her. They never change. They're like that throughout their entire life; always need to be the center of a man's attention.

Glad you cut ties with her.

Yeah, I can't believe I put up with this woman's snarky behavior even though it was three times in person, and a few times on Facebook via messages. She had the gall to tell me on Facebook, "When I first met you, you were all tough and funny and outgoing. That was so fake. You're not really like that. You're really vulnerable and you want everyone to like you, so you pretend to be someone you're not."

Um, WTF is that! Either, she was projecting her own insecurities on to me, or my outgoing personality that her friends enjoyed, bothered her for some reason.

I defended myself on Facebook, responding that I thought what she wrote was mean and not true and that it shocked me that she could be so rude to someone she barely knows.

She's the type of woman whose smile is really a sneer or a smirk, depending on what day of the week it is. Does that make sense? She's very disingenuous, at least she seems that way to me. Also in her late 40s like me. She has a masters in Irish literature, and I grew up reading Irish literature and when I tried to engage her in discussions about my favorite Irish writers, she dismissed me, telling me "I don't think you're telling the truth. I don't think you and I could talk about Joyce b/c I don't think you're equipped to." Again, another WTF moment from me. Talk about snarky. Talk about snide. Talk about snobbery! It's called reading. People do it WITHOUT A DEGREE.
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