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Old 04-13-2019, 10:17 PM #1
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Default Question about abusive ex

I left my ex about a year ago, we were together for 6 years.
Six months ago he picked up a new girlfriend and has told me they are planning on getting married.
(We have a child and he feels the need to brag everytime we communicate. Which happens in the middle of conversations regarding our child, the only time I will communicate with him.)
Despite this I noticed he brags about working out, volunteering, entrys in 5ks and all types of things I could never get him to do while we whlere together.
Have you noticed an abusive ex faking interests for their new supply?
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Old 04-14-2019, 05:23 AM #2
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Default Re: Question about abusive ex

I am married so I dont have experience with this but it sounds like he really wants to impress you or hurt you. Is he doing those things or just bragging about it?
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Old 04-14-2019, 06:29 AM #3
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Default Re: Question about abusive ex

I am married but I do have an ex husband, albeit he isnít abusive and we are on friendly terms. If he was abusive, Iíd be only talking about our child and only in writing. There are apps like our family wizzard where you can type back and forth info that pertains to custody, no need to engage in conversations

Saying that, there might be ton of reasons why people do things in new relationships that they didnít do before.

Often when people are unhappy (which is worth to assume you and your husband werenít or youíd still be married) people donít do fun stuff. New relationship boosts all kind of interest.

Or there could be other reasons. My husband did nothing while married to his ex because he simply couldnít afford it supporting 4 people as she refused to get a job and he was too stressed about everything that was going wrong at all times. We on the other hand have two nice incomes together and we are overall happy so he isnít stressed all the time so we can do ton on things, together or on our own.

My ex husband sails his yacht all over, including crossing Atlantic Ocean. It was always a dream of his. He sure didn't do when we were married. Ton of reasons why.

If he doesnít do any of it and just brags to you, then who cares whatís his deal with. He is an ex, exes are exes for a reason. Tell him to stick to a topic of your kid.
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Old 04-14-2019, 07:36 AM #4
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Default Re: Question about abusive ex

To what extent does he have a genuine wish to include you in his (alleged) happiness?

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To what extent is he saying these things to try to hurt you?
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Old 04-14-2019, 11:49 AM #5
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Default Re: Question about abusive ex

It seems he wants to try and make you think he's super happy and is shoving his happiness in your face to hurt you. He's probably still butt hurt that you left him.
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Old 04-14-2019, 12:56 PM #6
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Default Re: Question about abusive ex

It's pretty clear that he's interrupting your conversations about your shared child to try to keep emotionally abusing you. Just live in Reality II, not Reality I (The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans -- a fantastic book I'm reading right now; have you read it yet?) and interrupt him EVERY TIME he tries to derail that conversation back to himself. If you interrupt him consistently, even if you sound repetitive, he'll see that you won't put up with his abusive behavior anymore. If you have full custody of your child together, write down every phone call or visit where he behaves this way, in case you need to go in front of a judge again. Record the conversations on your phone (there's an app that does it) if you have to, to play for the judge.

Cover your bases. That's what you have to do.
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Old 04-14-2019, 01:15 PM #7
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64 Signs of Mental and Emotional Abuse: How to Identify It, What to Do
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Old 04-16-2019, 09:40 AM #8
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Default Re: Question about abusive ex

This sounds like my ex! Itís psychological abuse. He did it when we were together. How ambitious he is, his plans for his future, how great a shape he in and when he goes to the gym he goes in HARD, how he is going to be a millionaire one day and has such high standards..I mean everytime we were on the phone..I had to roll my eyes lol..he went to the gym 6 times in 5 months..such a gym rat he is lol
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Old 04-16-2019, 10:46 AM #9
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Default Re: Question about abusive ex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Regainingstrength View Post
I left my ex about a year ago, we were together for 6 years.
Six months ago he picked up a new girlfriend and has told me they are planning on getting married.
(We have a child and he feels the need to brag everytime we communicate. Which happens in the middle of conversations regarding our child, the only time I will communicate with him.)
Despite this I noticed he brags about working out, volunteering, entrys in 5ks and all types of things I could never get him to do while we whlere together.
Have you noticed an abusive ex faking interests for their new supply?

The only reason you should even be conversing with this person is for the sake of the child, nothing more. Who cares what his motivations or intentions are really, he's an ex for a reason. As stated in your title, he's an abusive ex so why would you put yourself in harm's way even verbally when you've broken off the relationship?
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Old 04-16-2019, 01:25 PM #10
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